Our underground bunker is pitch black. My sister's weeping is the only audible sound. I rock her back and forth; trying to reassure her that her departure is for the best.
The British scientists have agreed to take her to the Arc. I don't want her to go. But it would only be cruel and selfish to make her stay in this retched land.
I hear the creaking of the hatch. Light floods the small room as mother descends with two men protected by gas masks. I set little Amy down. She wipes away her tears and stands straight.(Any sign of weakness and they will not accept her).
She remains stock still and silent as the men pull out their R.Ds (radiation detectors). I choke back tears as the R.Ds move across her slight frame, the reality of my loss sinking in. I try to reassure myself that she will be safe. That letting her go is the only way to save her.
Then the R.Ds begin to beep loud and shrill. My heart sinks.
My mothers face is the pure portrayal of bewilderment. "This is impossible, she hasn't been exposed to any radiation since birth!"
I reach for my sister, there must be a mistake.
The last thing I remember is falling to the floor and plunging into darkness. Unaware of the screams that follow.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I awake on the stone cold floor of a dark room. My vision's blurry and my head is aching. I struggle to stand up, but my legs give way.
I collapse and vomit up preservation fluid.
When my vision finally clears, I see an open stasis pod. Flash backs of needles, and screaming, and nameless faces in white lab coats plummet my already pounding head.I then realize that the stasis pod is mine.
I try to get a closer look at my surroundings. The room, I discover, is more of a hallway. It is lit by a single cracked light bulb. I notice an old yellow sign labeled: Welcome To The Arc. The Arc? wasn't my sister supposed to be here?
Oh no, Amy. I scramble towards the sign. To my dismay, the lettering is faded to the point of near invisibility.
I slump to my knees and weep. What am I doing here? How long have I been in stasis? Is my sister even alive? I look down to see my hands shaking uncontrollably.
I push my despairing thoughts away. If I don't find food soon, my body will go into shock. I spot some metal bins that seem promising. I rummage through them and find a few cans of dried fruit. I wolf it down, not bothering to try and figure out what it is, until my hunger is satisfied.
I lie against the wall with a full belly, until my eyelids slowly droop shut.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I open my eyes to a forest of trees so lush and colorful it looks as if it jumped out of a painting. I must be hallucinating. But the air smells too sweet and I can feel the soft grass beneath me. I can't be hallucinating, so where am I?
I sit up and spot a plate full of berries and bread. I eat it fast; no time to savor the tartness of the berries or the sweetness of the bread. The food is the best thing I have ever tasted. I turn around to see if there is any more food. Then I here a voice.
"Looks like someone woke up early."
End of chapter
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140,776 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hello, Em here. I’m going to review this for you.
Spelling and Gammar:
‘She wipes away her tears and stands straight.(Any sign of weakness and they will not accept her).’ You need a space in-between ‘straight.’ and ‘(Any’.
‘ My mothers face is the pure portrayal of bewilderment.’ ‘mothers’ needs an apostrophe to show ownership: ‘mother’s’.
‘Flash backs of needles, and screaming, and nameless faces in white lab coats plummet my already pounding head.I then realize that the stasis pod is mine.’ You need a space in-between ‘head.’ and ‘I’.
‘Then I here a voice.’ ‘here’ should be ‘hear’ because ‘hear’ is to do with sound and such.
That was all I found with the spelling and grammar.
Dislikes: Probably just the shortness of this piece. I’m not sure If you intended it or not but this piece goes really fast, and there is a whole lot of description you can add in.
Likes: This plot that is unravelling sounds awesome, and I can’t wait to read more. Your character and his or her sister are nicely constructed, but you could add a little more in of their mum and perhaps the strange people who come to collect her. And your ending is just creepy (which I love) it makes me come up with so many questions. Readers are always curious, use that curiosity to keep them drawn in and wanting more. Good job!
Advice: More description, like I tell a lot of people, always ask:
What can they see, feel, smell, taste, hear?
With more description you can get the length up of this piece and make it that bit more interesting.
Anyway, well done with what you have, and good luck in future!
From Em
(If you want a review or advise or something just PM me)
Sorry I posted that twice ha ha 'pulls guilty face'
Hello, Em here. I’m going to review this for you.
Spelling and Gammar:
‘She wipes away her tears and stands straight.(Any sign of weakness and they will not accept her).’ You need a space in-between ‘straight.’ and ‘(Any’.
‘ My mothers face is the pure portrayal of bewilderment.’ ‘mothers’ needs an apostrophe to show ownership: ‘mother’s’.
‘Flash backs of needles, and screaming, and nameless faces in white lab coats plummet my already pounding head.I then realize that the stasis pod is mine.’ You need a space in-between ‘head.’ and ‘I’.
‘Then I here a voice.’ ‘here’ should be ‘hear’ because ‘hear’ is to do with sound and such.
That was all I found with the spelling and grammar.
Dislikes: Probably just the shortness of this piece. I’m not sure If you intended it or not but this piece goes really fast, and there is a whole lot of description you can add in.
Likes: This plot that is unravelling sounds awesome, and I can’t wait to read more. Your character and his or her sister are nicely constructed, but you could add a little more in of their mum and perhaps the strange people who come to collect her. And your ending is just creepy (which I love) it makes me come up with so many questions. Readers are always curious, use that curiosity to keep them drawn in and wanting more. Good job!
Advice: More description, like I tell a lot of people, always ask:
What can they see, feel, smell, taste, hear?
With more description you can get the length up of this piece and make it that bit more interesting.
Anyway, well done with what you have, and good luck in future!
From Em
(If you want a review or advise or something just PM me)