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139,477 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
I like the thought but the words are kind of too big for me...There is a misuse of thy instead of thee...The big words kind of distract the reader and take away from the true meaning of the poem. If you use really big words, I hate to say it, but readers may stop reading the poem halfway through because they can't understand the deeper thought. Try "Dumbing it down" a bit and I'm sure you will have an awesome poem!
Misusing "thy" and a thesaurus do not equal a poem.
Lots of big words. I like the flow of them.
One correction.
You use the word "thy" when I think you mean "thee" sometimes. You should look up the difference between the two, because there is one, though they are similar.
For example, I think it should be "I subconsciously am aware of thee bowed..."
Not totally sure.
The place where you use H2O and THC is an abrupt change. The rest of the words are long and old, and then you use a chemical formula. I don't think it fits.
Other tan that, though, great poem.