Hi there!
I like your idea, and the second half of your piece is lovely. Absolutely lovely. The chemicals idea is great.
There are some things I'd like to address in this poem, however.
Your lines are very long, and thus are very difficult to read with rhythm. I'd consider breaking them up more.
It heightens my body to an oblivion stride of certainty.
What is this "it" you've introduced? It kind of comes out of nowhere. If you had a comma at the end of the previous line, it would make a little more sense, but not much. Is this it the action that this other person does? The tearing down of this covering? Is it the covering itself? I don't know. But I do know that this poem is focused on the other person. And if what the person is doing is doing this to you, you can easily change "it" to "you." That would be clearer.
Dopamine soaks my mind.
As you look through me with your bright green eyes.
I think this should be one sentence, not two. It's choppy as it is. Also, to improve the rhythm, omit "your." It's obvious that the person possesses the eyes if they're looking through you with them.
Serotonin rushes to my brain,
omit the comma at the end of this line.
These chemicals circulate through out my body,
Omit "these." It sounds weird. I would change it to "your." Then, omit "your" in the next line. It'll make both of these lines much stronger.
Altogether, good idea, and for the most part, good words. I hope this review was helpful. Happy writing!
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