Hey there,
This is a very, very lyrical poem. Are you interested in writing lyrics at all? I reckon you would rather shine in that form, if these were to be your verses formulated around some sort of chorus.
I enjoyed with this poem your use of punctuation, although you do overuse the semi-colon quite considerably. The pauses of the metre in poetry punctuation for a semi-colon is a 3/4 beat, meaning it will run off slower than a comma (1/2 beat) but faster than a full-stop (1 beat), and when someone reads poetry that muddles full-stops and semi-colons its very easy to start pausing awkwardly and thus the reader subs it for a full-stop or comma pause making your semi-colons lose their effect entirely. You also lose control. You should only use a semi-colon therefore when you want to completely relate the previous clause to the next one (if it were the sentence), and the same works in poetry. Be careful with it!
Your word choice and content means the execution of poetry about love here is pretty stand-out and very enjoyable.
Although do avoid listing structures like this:
You are my beckon;
The statue I bestow to resemble my home.
Infinite;
An impression that never fades.
You are a memory I cannot replace;
An eternal mark
stamping a muse deep within my frame.
A subconscious brain wave
You have some lovely imagery here but it reads as a 'This, and that, and this, and that'. Spruce it up a little!
Anyway love it, keep writing!
-B
Points: 42428
Reviews: 411
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