you get a crit ticket, just for that last line.
-crit ticket-
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,605 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
Lol. The imagery was brilliant and I love how you uphold the serious tone until that final line. Brilliant. I must say that some lines were a little confusing but that only adds to the charm and everything makes sense by the end. To be honest, the only thing I found wrong with it was the punctuation in your first stanza. I would suggest -
From the first moment
the dead lose currency;
open casket or closed,
in the descent,
edges blur, memory begins
to resemble people
An excellent piece of work though so well done.