you get a crit ticket, just for that last line.
-crit ticket-
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Lol. The imagery was brilliant and I love how you uphold the serious tone until that final line. Brilliant. I must say that some lines were a little confusing but that only adds to the charm and everything makes sense by the end. To be honest, the only thing I found wrong with it was the punctuation in your first stanza. I would suggest -
From the first moment
the dead lose currency;
open casket or closed,
in the descent,
edges blur, memory begins
to resemble people
An excellent piece of work though so well done.