author's note: this is my first romance poem and one written after writer's block. hope you enjoy ;)). last stanza is inspired by Melody Lee.
it's half past twelve
and we're dancing in the refrigerator light
I'm getting drunk on your laughter
it's such a spectacular sight.
.
the timepiece is watching us,
it's ticking away
but as the hours go by
we're led astray.
.
you made me feel things
I thought I'd never feel
I'm standing here stricken,
is this all truly real?
.
it's quite a delight
to get lured into those amber eyes
that remain ever so young
like a soft, slow, sunrise.
.
stardust twinkles on your skin
your eyes are streamed with constellations
your sly, sparkly smile
is a sight ever so beguile
.
the world isn't the world anymore,
but a blur of blissful madness,
thrilling chaos
and a million wrong dance steps.
.
the moon is jealous,
of your everlasting glow
after all, it's only a shadow
in your illuminating light.
.
you can't be compared to
sunshine and rainbows
when clearly you are,
orchids and moonlight.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Keep flowing, waterfalls!!!!!!
❤❤❤
Good pic. Tasteful and evocative. I hope the same could have been said of the poem. Its entirety too innocent and simple, and thus infidel to reality. You are not even presenting a new perspective. You are just reiterating a tired, old one. Your wording is shoddy. Your formatting is non-existent. I wonder what your definition of literature is. I think you have come off worse than before from your writer block.
Greetings. Your review was from almost a year ago, and I hope your views have changed since then. I understand why you felt the need to give constructive criticism, but more than constructive, I find it harsh. First of all, saying 'I wonder what your definition of literature is', is far too extreme. Everyone has a different writing style, a different way to present their thoughts to the world. And something as broad as literature, does it have a clear definition? Or a clear format? It may, certain types of literature certainly do, but at the end of the day, writing is up to the writer, and sentences and phrases are words weaved together and those are what make up all writing. Waterfalls wrote a simple, light-hearted poem, her first in the romance genre. And in my opinion, she did it beautifully. Love can be innocent and simple, but that isn't even the point of this poem, she spoke of the state of the world after being in love as a blur of blissful madness, and a million wrong dance steps, it is not entirely innocent. And is it really even simple? I mean, the way she questioned, 'Is this even real?'.
Formatting does hold importance, and I understand the feeling of not even being presented a new perspective, but in writing, is it really valid to expect a completely different perspective, when it comes to the idea of love? To each their own, and many hold the same view, and that is perfectly normal. I would like to add, saying that the writer in question has come off worse than before after their writers block, is a very insensitive remark. As part of the young writers society, we should encourage each other and everyone, especially aspiring young writers who may be struggling. Sometimes, wake-up calls are needed, yes, but I feel this was far too harsh.
To Waterfalls, I would like to say, don't give up! It is only the beginning of your writing journey, and I really hope you continue your passion! You will experience many dead ends, many writer blocks, but I hope you come back stronger than ever, and improve in a good, healthy manner, and persevere through whatever negative feedback you may receive, and learn for the better. Good job! And keep going! <3
Hey waterfalls! I happened to chance across your poem, so I thought, why not give it a review?
Anyways, I haven't reviewed romance in a hot minute so this'll be fun!
So my first impressions of this poem was that the narrator is deeply in love. It's quite an innocent poem, just a human being falling in love with another human being, and nothing too complicated. I've been reviewing a lot of d a r k stuff recently, so this is a little refreshing, to say the least!
I love the description here! It starts off the poem with a really nice visual, because usually poems like this have the lovers dance in moonlight, but you actually reference the moon later in a negative tone, which I find even more interesting!
Here, the narrator questions the transparency of this love, perhaps? I feel like this is more of a 'it's too good to be true' kind of line, but that may just be me.
Again, I don't know if it's coincidental word choice, but here you use 'lured', which is not often a word used positively in terms of love. Maybe the narrator semi-consciously understands that love isn't as clear and simple as usually depicted.
This is my favorite line! It's cute and simple, like the narrator is saying that love has changed the world for them.
Now this is where it gets interesting in my opinion.Typically, the moon is used as a device in love poems to create a romantic mood, but here, you characterize it as a form of jealousy to the narrator's relationship. Very interesting.
And finally, the poem comes full circle with the title as the last line! There was nothing too complicated, nothing too sad, no plot twists, but that's what makes this poem so charming! Plus, I love the picture, by the way.
-yosh
eggo isn't actually eggs