As I sit, on the stone-cold, rigid floor
I decide to take a dip in my daydreams
a walk through my own world
filled with endless joy
.
I take a stroll through the beach,
the smiling, soothing sand, tickling my toes
the honey gold sun bathing me
the waves swooshing is like a sweet song
.
I walk through the lush green garden
there's a throne of daisies, everything much less picturesque without it
the baby blue birds, chirp with thrill
devouring fat worms
.
the wistful waterfall calls me
and I walk through it, drowning. Drowning with delight
I dance and twirl, until the world
isn't the world, but joyful chaos
.
Suddenly, reality slaps me in the face
My desire is slowly but steadily killing me.
oh, how I wish, I could be there
in the wonderland
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi there! Green here to review your lovely poem.
I really liked the use of sensory language to describe the beach, garden, and waterfall creates a clear and memorable picture in the reader's mind. I really like this stanza:
because it conjures up such a beautiful scene in my head, and the alliteration of 'smiling, soothing sand' flows so nicely it almost rolls off of the tongue.
One particularly effective aspect of your poem is the contrast between the joyous and imaginative world of the speaker's daydreams and the harsh reality that comes crashing back in the final stanza. This contrast effectively emphasizes the speaker's desire to escape reality and adds an emotional depth to the poem. I can really understand what you are trying to convey in your poem.
In terms of structure, the poem does well in creating a sense of progression and movement, with each stanza building on the previous one to create a complete picture of the speaker's daydreams. The form of the poem, with its line breaks, adds to the ethereal and dream-like atmosphere.
In conclusion, this poem is an imaginative and sensory journey through the speaker's daydreams, using vivid imagery and a contrasting reality to add depth and emotion. The form and structure of the poem effectively create a sense of progression and movement, making for an enjoyable and memorable read.
I hope to read more of your poetry in the future, as I really loved this one. It was so refreshing to read, so clear and crisp in its imagery. You have a talent honestly!
Keep writing
this review lit up my soul. literally. thank you so much!! it means a lot <33
The inception and of the poem is really good. This is in well order and the vocabularies are adequate. I wish to start poetry, very soon if god's will.
Everyone has dreams and wants to fullfill it. Each cuplets defines the nature and beauty of it which is really attractive.
While reading, I imagined my own dreams. Having completed, I was roaming in my own world.
thank you so much!! i really appreciate it. and i hope you start poetry soon!
Hello, hi there. This is Ina speaking. Anysways let's get to the poem.
Wow, what a nice starting. I liked how it made me feel really calm and it made me feel like I was in a beach. Just the calm waves soflty hitting my feet then it shifted to a garden. It made me feel like I was a in a garden with daisies and birds chriped around me. Then I fall into a waterfall twirling as I can't hear anything and I feel free and the joyful chaos around me, like what you said. The flow of the starting and the middle of the poem was good. But the ending was kinda werid. It could be a good ending, maybe you should add like another stanza for this. Over all, it's good, just fix the ending.
Happy new year and have a good day/night!
thank you for this review %uD83D%uDE04 I really appreciate it. You're right, I'll work on my endings
You're welcome! I'm sorry I commented on someone else's review. Yikes!
Hey there! The Rebel here for a short review! :p
First impression: It was a great read! With great use of vers libre, imagery, and alliteration, it was enjoyable to read. Although I think that the last stanza should have been a bit more definitive on why the poet cannot be in the wonderland they want to be in and that the ending could have been better, it was a great read nonetheless.
Highlights:
For example, great use of alliteration in the second stanza (my favourite out of the five). And the images the lines produce are sweet and calming to imagine, and the wonderland sounds like a paradise.
Similar use of imagery and alliteration is found in the rest of the stanzas, and I say again, it was an awesome read. So, that's all and best of luck in your future works! :p
thank you so much
You're welcome!
We have always utilised our Imaginations to escape the clutches of the limitations of reality.This poem perfectly encapsulates the said sentiment.Its wistful and poigant and there Is such a sense of exhilarating life In It.The girl has constructed a whole word to live the life he couldn't.That Is Inspirational.Strangely so
thank you
This is really good! I enjoy the idea of using the imagination to escape reality. I wish I could be in the wonderland too :')
ahh thanks!! and me too
)