btw, the first stanza is not mine.
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(The first stanza is not mine, the original author is Lewis Carroll for that)
.
the little girl just could not sleep
because her thoughts were way too deep.
her mind had gone out for a stroll
and fallen down the rabbit hole.
.
that unwritten thought
wrestled inside her, begging to be let out,
fighting to be free
but at what cost?
.
there were poems inside of her,
that paper couldn't handle.
the pen was her knife, her soul bleeding
into the pages.
.
she was addicted to the taste of solitude,
like an elixir,
she could not think
to give up.
.
she didn't weep with tears
nor blood,
but with thoughts that
were slowly weaving her into a tapestry.
.
she wanted to write and write,
to the point of suffocation, she didn't mind
she longed to put all the messy thoughts
into perfect places, where they belonged
.
her stubborn disposition,
was bound to kill her
its talons sank deep until
all that was left, was glittery gold.
.
she didn't come falling from heaven,
but crawling through the depths of hell
coming out perfectly fine
like it was a stroll in the woods.
.
she wasn't made for ordinary things,
for
dreaming comes to her
as easily as breathing.
.
lightning seeping through her veins
moon dust in her hair, she's made of outer space
her lips are like the galaxy's edge,
and her smile was a constellation falling into place.
.
she seemed to be tangled,
in cracked hopes and broken promises,
buried deep under the thing
we call life.
.
she'll forever be a wanderer,
a traveler, an explorer,
with no place
to truly call home.
.
forever lost in a wonderland
to truly see, she needs to close her eyes.
she felt powerless in other people's worlds
so she decided to make her own.
.
I really enjoyed the journey of this poem, as the girl goes through the rabbit hole and gets a little lost in wonderland. It was a neat poetic spin on Alice in Wonderland and you have some really lovely images in here too.
I think Lewis Carroll's work is a great poetic muse by the way, and you did a good job giving him credit for the first stanza there to set off readers knowing where those lines came from.
This stanza was my absolute favorite:
lightning seeping through her veins
moon dust in her hair, she's made of outer space
her lips are like the galaxy's edge,
and her smile was a constellation falling into place.
.
she wasn't made for ordinary things,
for
dreaming comes to her
as easily as breathing.
she wasn't made for
ordinary things, for
dreaming comes to her
as easily as breathing.
.
Hi, hello there! This is Ina speaking. I am back here to write you down a comment/review. By the way, this poem seems related to the first one. Is it? Anyways, let's get into it.
I love how I can visualize and feel myself falling down a rabbit hole. While reading, I felt something like magic. I even visualized a piano falling with me. I love the rhythms and metaphors but it tells a story too. It reminds me of that one Taylor Swift song "Wonderland", it is related to Alice and Wonderland too. My favorite lines are:
the little girl just could not sleep
because her thoughts were way too deep.
her mind had gone out for a stroll
and fallen down the rabbit hole.
These lines, "even if they're not yours," make me feel magical and it actually works as a starting of the poem.
lightning seeping through her veins
moon dust in her hair, she's made of outer space
her lips are like the galaxy's edge,
and her smile was a constellation falling into place.
These lines make me feel beautiful things. And I don't know why. This is one of the best poem I've read. Fight the wall. Thank you for sharing a wonderful poem. Have a nice morning, day, afternoon, or night.
Excellently written in my fair opinion! A lot of writers try to tackle the task of writing a poem and don’t quite get the magic behind it. But you succeeded phenomenally. Between the rhymes, the imagery, and the metaphors, you placed an emphasis on a single thought/theme. Very well done. Enjoyed it.
I like how it’s written like magic. Like writing is a fantastical art and in many ways, it is. It can be hard though, as shown in this poem. It can come with its ups and down, with people not understanding the words written. But it’s best to continue writing if one so wishes to. I thought that this was a very cool poem. I enjoyed it.
I wish you a great day/night.
Hi there! I think this is an amazing poem and it made my day. This might not be a very valuable comment, I apologise/ apologize. But I want to say that this deserves more likes as it is very interesting and it kept my eyes stuck to it until I was done reading! Good job there and keep it up! I'm excited to see more of your poetry!
Have a nice day/night/afternoon/evening!!
Points: 828
Reviews: 13
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