z

Young Writers Society



Drummer boy

by wannawrite2


In the night, The drummer boy will walk
Trying to find a child to stalk


He will promise of toys and a sweet
As he kicks away the skulls of the previous children he beat

Enter his lair, see blood and gore

But unfortunately, the drummer boy always wants more

He enters as well and closes the door behind

Now he seems to not be so kind

Strapping the child onto a bed

Soon they will be dead

Wheeled into a strange room

The place where they will meet their doom

Marks are made of where he will slice

Then throws the extra in to dice

He grabs a knife and opens up the boy

And punches and beats as if he were a toy

10 minutes later and the organs are in the drawer

Put in there later, for him to maul

The child is no longer breathing, oh how sad

If he wasn't he would have made the drummer boy mad

The bones are collected and the scraps he must toss

Oh what a mess, so much Blood Loss

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User avatar
214 Reviews

Points: 14468
Reviews: 214

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Sun May 31, 2015 5:21 pm
artybirdy wrote a review...



This made me sick! It’s downright creepy and horrifying *but* that’s a positive point – your poem was *supposed* to evoke that reaction from us. It’s disturbing and provides confronting imagery, so I’d suggest you rate it as “mature”. I found your poem to be quite original because I have never read anything . . . vivid like that. Well done for being able to set it apart from *so* many others on this site! As a horror/gore lover, I enjoyed reading it!

Coming onto its flaws, I’d suggest you to add commas and full stops/periods for breaks and pauses; else it’s difficult to read. It takes away from our reading experience, so it’d be better if you could edit it. I also noticed you have an odd spacing between your sentences. Make sure to sort this out too, to make the structure consistent.

Your rhyming scheme’s also on the spot! This poem honestly gave me the shivers! I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight . . . .

Awesome work!

Once again, well done, and keep it up!




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7 Reviews

Points: 765
Reviews: 7

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Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:08 am
tribee91 wrote a review...



.....WOW..... This was totally creepy I think they could make a really good scary movie out of your poem. A really new twist on the hole Drummer Boy that I have not ever heard before, so points on being original.

~Tribee91





I drink tea and forget the world's noises.
— Chinese saying