This story happened on a cold mid-autumn day somewhere in the mid-western states.
Two gentlemen were working in the town's small general store. The store was quiet and no customers were shopping until she walked in. A small frail woman dressed in grey entered the store, and proceeded toward the dairy section, saying nothing. She picked up a glass container of milk and, without paying for it or even glancing at the gentlemen, walked out of the store.
The men, surprised by the woman's thievery, hurried out of the store after her...but she was gone.
A few days later, the incident occurred again.
The same small woman dressed in the same grey dress entered the store, grabbed a glass container of milk, and left without paying. Again the men tried to follow after her, but found her nowhere to be seen.
After a few weeks, the woman appeared once again.
The same small woman, dressed in the same grey dress, entered the store, paid no attention to the men, snatched a glass container of milk, and vanished out the door. The men, slightly more prepared this time, quickly followed the woman out of the store. She hurried down the town's main street and the men found themselves having to run to keep up with her. She hastily turned down a dirt path, just at the edge of the woods. This is where the men lost her.
They trekked on further and came to a small cemetery neither of them knew existed. Suddenly, they heard a small noise. Concentrating, they identified it as a baby's cry...it was coming from the ground. The ground from which it was coming from was in front of a gravestone marking the death of a mother and her infant who were buried together. Unsure of what else to do. the men quickly found shovels and exhumed the coffin. The crying became louder as they dug. When they reached the coffin, they pried off the lid and inside found the small, grey-dressed woman...dead...with a live, crying infant in her arms...and three empty glass containers of milk. The poor child was mistakenly buried alive and the spirit of her deceased mother kept her alive until she was found.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,479 Literary Works • 673,247 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: This story is AMAZING. I love the message behind it. Its such a short and very sweet little story. A beautiful idea written really well. And that's it. I don't have anything that I think this story has to improve on.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well we establish that this is a narrator very early into the story. Kind of a very spooky sounding opening coupled with this piece's title. Nice little bit of imagery there with the cold autumn day.
I like the foreshadowing of the woman dressed in grey and then just vanishing. It's giving it a nice setup with the woman also not doing anything particularly evil.
I guess this was before CCTV's were a thing.
I would think at this maybe a man would be standing guard outside and soon as they see this woman dressed in the same clothing they would try to arrest her for the stealing rather than just wait inside with a little more readiness and only run after her once she's left. Because either this woman was doing a Flash impression or they just stood and waited for her to grab the milk and walk off before following.
Well that's sad and really sweet at the same time. My brain is having a hard time deciding between chopping onions or smiling and it is confused. This is such a nice sentiment but its so sad that the child will have to live without a mother that cared that much for her. *dabs at eyes* And that's about all I have to say. I'm just slightly concerned how the milk containers also passed through the dirt and coffin with the ghost but that's just if I want to be in cold heartless nitpick review mode.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall like I said I wouldn't change about this story. The only thing I'll do is just read this a million times to be happy. It's just really well done and the idea is what I think is just overshadowing everything with how awesome it is. And I'll stop gushing about this now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi there,
This was a good story with a good twist - or should I say: 'touch' - at the end.
I only have two remarks though. How in the world could someone bury a baby with its mother by mistake? I like the idea of the mother's spirit taking care for the baby, but it does not make sense at all. If the mother was buried not so long ago. Wouldn't the men at least know the cemetery where the woman was buried, especially when the shop isn't that far removed from it? They might even know the woman that is buried there, considering that they live in a supposedly small town and all.
It really is a good story, a great story even, but it either has some major plot-holes or it leaves the reader with too much questions. And not the ones you are possibly aiming for, like: who was this woman? How come she is dead? Where is the father? Are there other relatives? How is this spirit able to tend to her child?.
keep writing,
- Metalmauzen