self-portrait of the poet as a

Hello! Really loving the repetition here. I think that works really well for a poem so concerned with identity, performance, and the question of whether there is a fixed "self" underneath everything.

Also really enjoying these lines:

self portrait of the poet with a moustache.
self-portrait of the poet without a moustache.
self portrait of the poet, posed over a mirror
with a mascara wand, craving a moustache.

I love the movement here from having, to not having, to actively creating or craving - it seems tied to the narrator's desire to recognize themselves, or maybe to construct a version of themselves that feels more truthful. Something being constructed doesn’t necessarily make it less real, which feels important considering the later question of what IS a self / poet. That's deep and important in times like these!

I found the italicized questions ("is it about wearing running shoes") really interesting, actually. My interpretation is that they represent preparation or visible effort, the idea that wanting something might require presenting yourself as someone who is ready to pursue it. Like - does desire become real only when you begin running toward it? To me, it feels more self-conscious and insecure than the rest of the poem, as if the narrator is comparing themselves with other people. They seem to be reaching toward something more external compared to the earlier ideas of internality (uncertainty, gender presentation, etc).

Though - I do think your later stanzas feel disconnected from your first stanza. The moustache idea is heavily tied to embodiment and self-recognition, so I expected it to remain present throughout the poem in some way. I wonder what it might look like to return to the mirror, mascara, face, or moustache near the end so that the poem’s exploration of the "construct" feels more cohesive.

to see your notes app, the one you erased so many
poems from, you forgot you were looking to listen to yourself

I think this ending could be stronger if you separated seeing the notes app, erasing poetry, and the narrator forgetting. For me, "you forgot you were looking to listen to yourself" could stand on its own -> there's a lot happening at once, but that is the line that the entire poem seems to be building around!

Very philosophical and raises many questions about gender / identity, especially through creating art! We are ALL searching for our own voices, aren't we?

All the best!

Hello, vulpesvelox!

This is a wonderful poem you have here. As a trans masc myself, I heavily relate to it. It reminds me of the first time I used a brow pencil to draw on a mustache to try and finally see myself in the mirror. Giving you all my love <33. With that, let's get into the poem.

self portrait of the poet with a mustache
self-portrait of the poet without a mustache

I love how you open the poem with repetition. I'm personally a big fan of repetition in poetry, so I would say I'm your target audience. It creates the image of the speaker being uncertain which version of themselves to use, sort of like a "he loves me/he loves me not" dilemma. One small critique, though, is that on the second line you use "self-portrait" rather than "self portrait" like everywhere else. Either version is fine, but I would recommend using the same version throughout the poem.

how do you know when you want something enough?
and is it about wearing running shoes

I love the line "how do you know when you want something enough" especially in this context. It's filled with so much uncertainty and doubt. However, the line "is it about wearing running shoes?" comes out of nowhere. I'm not sure how running shoes relate to the previous self-portrait imagery, and it's never followed up on. I'm not sure if this is a reference to something personal in your life, but it's missing context that allows it to land powerfully.

asking;
what is a self or a construct or a poet

This line really stuck out to me. I'm not one hundred percent sure you meant this as a trans poem, but that is the interpretation that is really calling to me. This question is one that I've grappled with so much as a trans masc trying to decide who I am and how I want to express myself. And it's also a question I've helped trans friends of mine grapple with. Using that question in poetry is so lovely because it really is a uniting question, and the way you've handled it really speaks to me and is quite beautiful.

to see your notes app, the one you erased so many
poems from, you forgot you were looking to listen to yourself

These are my favorite lines of your poem. They serve as a strong and poignant ending. The line break between many and poems almost feels like an abrupt break that copies the feeling of an abrupt erasure. "you forgot you were looking to listen to yourself" really ties it all together as this ending that sounds like the speaker trying to be kind to themselves even if they haven't in the past. I adore it.

That's all from me! Overall, this is an incredibly lovely poem that speaks to me. It makes me think of my own journey and makes me want to wish you well on yours. I hope you succeed on your journey of discovery and you learn to love whatever you find.

Happy writing!
Wist