remember when john green said if i show the world my belly it will devour me

Hey there! I've had this bookmarked for a bit and wanted to pop in for a quick review.

First of all, nice work! I love the structure and title of this poem. I am also a big fan of long titles that are essentially part of the poem, and you did great with that here!

I do have a few notes that may help you in editing, but overall really nice work. The repetition of "day" in the first two sentences throws off your rhythm a little bit. I'd recommend revising to

"and the other day, after the rain stopped howling in our ears, when the day it felt brand new again and i was soaking wet,"

and i still have the scabs (see), like a schoolboy who isn't careful enough on the side of the road, and i was wondering, polite as you appear to be

I’m more familiar with Hank Green tbh
John writes realistic, human stories, right? And he’s been on tumblr *trying to remember other trivia*
But that quote is certainly something. and a sad reality :/

First of all I like how the poem looks. This perfectly spaced block of text, capped off by a final line the doesn’t quite reach the end. Makes it look better imo.

I am the first to admit that poetry usually goes way over my head. But I do find it interesting that the narrator prompts someone to recreate that scene. I at first thought this would be in relation to doing this all over again to combat the feeling of embarrassment that came from the event.
But it seems they want to recreate it without the feeling of a steady floor which …would make it harder to get up, no? Yet the next point says that this will lead to the lack of a reason to stay folded for longer than necessary?

I stumble a bit over the phrase “like a schoolboy who isn’t careful on the side of the road”—because this implies kinda that all uncareful schoolboys on the side of the road end up with scraps on their knees and I can’t really follow that logic?

Ok and my brain went on a completely different tangent and started to wonder if the “would you be opposed” isn’t meant as an invitation to do the thing but to FORGET the thing. As in a “you’re kind and polite, can you pretend I didn’t slip and fall, thank you”?

Very interesting poem for sure :3

1: I felt a feeling of shame and weakness, maybe sorrow? As if someone had taken the narrator's energy?

2: The point where the poem became emotionally interesting was

Like a schoolboy who isn't careful enough on the side of the road

love this!! it's so stream of consciousness that it genuinely feels like i am inside this narrator's mind. welcome to yws - can't wait to see what else you create :)