z

Young Writers Society


16+

Dragon Dance

by voiceofdragons


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

[i] A/N: A person with my username? Writing about dragons? Holy surprising content, Batman! Here's a work I wrote some time ago that I haven't been able to add onto just yet. The first couple of paragraphs I realise are awkward, but they were intended to be my outline but then I started writing from it. Hopefully they can be powered through. [/i]

In the dragon realm, there are no humans. Queen Mab--the biggest, gruesomest, and fiercest of the dragons gives birth to her heir. Yet, there's a problem. The egg is a lot smaller than she would have hoped. She signs, thinking she has given birth to a wyvern. Nine short months later--which is odd, because usually dragons take a longer time to hatch, but she's not complaining--something odd breaks out of the egg, and it looks like...hands? A humanoid creature breaks out of the egg whilst Mab can only watch in slight terror. It looks like the humans that her ancestors warned her about, that were carved into tablets to be heeded. 

The large dragon continued to watch the humanoid....thing. It stretched two of its limbs upwards, before reaching down to the last two limbs it was using to stand on. It's back was bent in half, practically. From there, Mab could see appendages to the likeness of a dragon's wings. The only difference was they weren't on a dragon! The outer most edge of the things were an ivory black that matched the hair on his head, along with wherever the bone weaves through the rest of the wings for suppose were, but the scales caught a blue hue in what sunlight hit them. The hue reminded her of the sky she loved to look up to. Flying, for her, was too troublesome these days. She had gotten too big to support her weight without being exhausted and she had too many holes in her wings from fighting for ruling rights for them to be completely aromatic. 

The thing had straightened out and was stretching its wings out behind him. Mab felt a bit proud of the wings. The wing span was very large on the thing, about six metres in total, three metres one way, three metres the other. The thing promptly feel over. Mab let out a booming laugh. 

"You look like the tiny men, and I've read the tiny men are supposed to be agile. You are not agile." Her voice rumbled in draconian. The tiny man with wings squawked and let it be known he realised he was not alone. The tiny man stood up, this time letting his wings fold neatly against his back. He stayed standing up. Mab frowned again, still wary of her offspring. She vaguely wondered if this was some sort of prank. 

"Well, you're big, aren'tcha?" The tiny winged man spoke. Mab ignored her admiration of the tiny man's deep draconian tones in order to say, "I can't take care of you. You look to much like a human. I wouldn't know what you eat, I wouldn't know anything about you. I don't want you around me. As soon as you can fly, I want you out of this kingdom. If you come back, I will kill you. A human is no child of mine." She ignored the anguish on the tiny man's face--it seemed like human faces were so much more expressive. 

"But I am not a human, I am a dragon! Like you!" The tiny man unfurled its wings to make a point.

  "Look at the rest of you." Mab pointed out. "You aren't normal, you aren't natural. You are impossible. You look like a human, and all of the human things from this realm have been nearly destroyed. This," she flicked her large tail onto the marble flooring of the large temple she hatched her egg in, "is the only thing fully intact from the age of humans, when we thought they were good." 

The tiny man looked bewildered. "Listen up!" Mab snapped. The tiny human immediately sat down on the marble in front of his mother dragon, crossing his legs and leaning forwards. The tiny man lifted a scaleless limb up to brush his dark fringe out of warm honeyed brown eyes. 

"This is the temple of dragon lords. All these tablets are everything you need to know about this world that is important. They wrote it down in draconian, not in that odd human language they used to converse with each other. I believe they have a few books on that, as well. I do not know what is left of their living quarters, I am far to large to hope to get back there, as is every other dragon in my kingdom." 

"Aren't there...smaller dragons?" The tiny man asked, "Like me?" 

"YOU are not a dragon. You might have dragon blood but aside from your wings you look nothing like me." Mab tried to be apathetic over the tiny man's frown. "But there are smaller dragons. I hardly think they are dragons at all! They are wyverns and they are not allowed in my kingdom. You would fit in better with them. There are maps in here somewhere. I will allow you to live here until you can fly in open skies. A regular hatchling cannot fly until a year. I will give you the same amount of time. Do not leave this temple, I don't want the others to see you. I will tell them that my egg was dead before it hatched." 

"What of my name?" 

"I will not claim you, so I will not name you. Naming unclaimed dragons was the job of the dragon lords. Look around you. We have not had a dragon lord in a hundred years. They might be in hiding, but I doubt it. They were slaughtered by the rest of the blood thirsty humans. I take my leave now." Mab rumbled, turning to leave. The tiny man scrambled away from the large spiked dragon's tail that whipped around. Then, she was gone. The tiny man was left with only the cracked marble where the dragon had been standing to know that she had ever been there at all. 

He sighed, and looked around him. The temple was large enough to fit a fifty metre tall dragon in. The walls were lined with various tablets with draconian runes etched into them, and there were pillars keeping the ceiling from falling in, though most if the pillars had been broken from Mab's massive tail and step. Letting his eyes roam around the various tablets covering each of the walls. The temple was only just big enough to fit Mab. The only reason the fifty metre tall dragon could fit was because the front wall of the building had been ripped off-presumably by a dragon. He noticed there was an opening behind one of the pillars, tucked away. It was only three metres in height, defiantly not an opening Mab could fit through--more like one someone his height could fit through. 

Curious, the winged man stalked over to the opening, letting his wings drag on the ground. The passage way was dark. Squinting, the darked haired tried to squint past the tangible looking shadows, but couldn't. The winged man looked behind him, the sun was high in the sky, illuminating every bit of the temple through skylights and the missing wall. It should have been impossible for the opening to be that dark. He looked down at his slender fingers before holding his arm in front of him, pressing his pale hand through the dark opening. The opening rippled, like water would, and he snapped back his hand once his mind registered that it stung quite a fair bit. 

Curiously peaked, the winged man braced himself before pushing all the way through the odd rippling shadow. It felt as if he was walking through water, but it hurt--like he was being shocked by tiny lightening bolts. Suddenly, it was a lot brighter. Shaking his limbs a few times to get the numb feeling out it them, the tiny winged man looked around the corridor. The ceiling was much lower than in the rest of the temple, in fact, if he reached up he could probably touch the ceiling. He definitely couldn't stretch out his wings at all, he felt very cramped as he was pushing his wings back against his body as far as they could without being too painful. The only was to go was up the set of stone stairs in front of him. And so, the winged man set up the stairs two at a time, hoping there was a more open space for him to stretch out his wings. 

[center][i]Edit: (Ideas)

Find books in the room, human history books in the temple, have him find a name that he liked like someone in history he admired 

Flying sooner than a year but hide it from Mab

In a tablet there is a hint that humans aren't dead

Hidden city with humans

Join up with the wyverns and other magical creatures to head up against the tyrannical dragons 

Prove to her that he is a dragon (like a "Do you love me now that I can dance" type situation) [/center][/i]


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28 Reviews


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Reviews: 28

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Sat May 04, 2019 5:54 pm
RandomVanGloboii wrote a review...



That was certainly an interesting an unsual story about dragons! It looks like merely a concept, and its ideas are clearly not refined, but if taken back could lead to something very interesting. But it can potentially show really what it emans meeting something truly diverse from the other persepctive




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126 Reviews


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Reviews: 126

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Sun May 28, 2017 1:02 pm
Aleta wrote a review...



Ayooo! Aleta here for a review on your work about dragons. So this actually kept me intrigued and reading until the end which isn't really common on this website especially for stories and chapters and all of that. I think you could bring us more into your story though if you mentioned what the air smelled like, or how Mab's grated across the cold stone as she stared her vile offspring dead in the eyes. Try to give us more expression in here so as readers we can imagine it all better.
This story was fun to read though because I'm wondering how exactly Mab birthed a humanoid if she only mated with a dragon, and seeing as mating with humans isn't possible, I'm very curious. I'm unsure of how this could happen. Also if you wanted to give more background, you probably could through Mab's speech. She could talk about their history and by that way you could fit all your lore and whatnot in there.
I wish this story could have been continued as I really like the joins up with the wyverns and other magical creatures to head up against the tyrannical dragons idea. That would be fun to see and I would read it.

Cheers!




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26 Reviews


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Sat Feb 18, 2017 8:31 pm
regismare wrote a review...



Hello, voiceofdragons! regismare here to review this piece!

I love dragons, first and foremost, and I love how they've been portrayed here.

The main issue I had with this is that there was a lot of telling, rather than showing. You tell that the dragon was feeling something, rather than show us how she was feeling it. While telling is good to pace a chapter properly, this was more of an introduction and so I think pacing isn't really something that needs to be thought about a lot. Show how your characters are feeling - either by using physical things, such as their heartbeat or twistings of their stomachs, or emotional things.

More explanation of the dragon's world would be better, in my opinion. Not in an info-dump way, but just things sprinkled throughout the chapter would strengthen it and give a lot more information. It could be arranged differently, too - like, in dialogue or little tidbits or information.

I also think that more description would be good, especially if it was based in the physicalities of living. Using the newborn's senses would really help to get a sense of how big this world is. What does everything smell like? What does everything feel like? Is it cold, or how? Or dusty? Write about that to build a better image of the setting and how your character responds to it.

I love how humans are the persecuted ones here. I love how dragons are the 'master race' and how they're the ones in control, rather than it being the other way around. It's such a creative idea, and it makes me wonder about what's going to happen next. Will equality between species be achieved, or will humans forever live below dragons in some way? Ahhh so exciting.

I'd love to be kept updated on this! Please tell me when you post more. I hope my review was helpful in some way, and keep writing! : )

-regismare




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Sat Feb 18, 2017 1:20 pm
Feltrix wrote a review...



Hello! I am a fellow dragon fan, so I decided to review this.

In the first paragraph, there is a lot of descriptions that I think could be told with dialogue instead. Maybe an attendant discusses with Mab the lack of humans, the unusual egg, that sort of thing. Instead of telling everything, describe it happening or have someone talk about it.

My biggest complaint is Mab's reaction to having a human/dragon hybrid for a child. I understand that you want her to banish the tiny man, but I think it would make sense for her to be distressed or confused instead of just amused. After all, this is her son. It makes more sense for her to be worried and try to come up with other solutions before banishing the child.

Overall, I'd use more detailed descriptions instead of just stating that things happen.

All glory to the Dragonlord,

Feltrix





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