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It is the Nature of the Universe

by vannilawriter


“It is cold” said a Cloud to the Sky “ it looks like I will be snow.”

“You don’t have to leave you know, you can stay here with me,” the Sky replied.

“I am growing heavy and full, it will soon be time for me to fall.”

“But why, why must you?”

The Cloud thought for a minute, “One day something was born. The something was big, the biggest anything had ever been. Something was until it ceased to be, and then there were new things who brought with them light , and they gifted us color and meaning and distance. These things too ceased to be, and new things came to fill their place. Everything that is, was or will be, all set in motion on the day something was born. Nothing lost, nothing gained, just a lineage of something that no longer is.” said the cloud to the sky, “It is the nature of the universe.”

Unsatisfied, the sky replied, “ I know this. For as long as I have been I have watched the world below, and nothing remains. As the little ones say, Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. But yet here I am still. I have been for longer than the seas or the fertile soil, and I am unchanging. I do not crave unbeing, yet I worry It may never come. I worry that I will watch everything pass until I am left, being. As solitary as Something, yet doomed to never be succeeded by the color and shape and meaning that gave Somethings being and unbeing purpose”

“Why Must being and unbeing have purpose Sky.”

“Is it not the nature of the universe? Something ceased to be, and now we have color and shape and meaning”

“Something never knew of those things Sky. Something gave no gifts. Something had no one to give them to. It could not see nor feel nor sense, Something simply was and then all at once was not. It is the nature of the universe.”

“WHAT is the nature of the universe then cloud. Is is that I must watch everything I care for slip away and then suddenly I will cease to be, is that it. Surely that is not all, surely my purpose is not THAT” Sky rumbled.

“I do not know what purpose is my friend, but I know I love you.” Cloud said “I know that when I fall, I will cease to be, but every flake will miss you” and soon they began to unbe. A million pieces of them drifting on the air, crystalizing, and catching the light of the sun.

“PLEASE, please, do not fall then. What purpose does it serve for you to leave me” begged the Sky “I NEVER ASKED TO BE ALONE, SO WHY MUST YOU FALL WHILE I STAY”

“It is the nature of the universe”


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33 Reviews


Points: 147
Reviews: 33

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Tue Feb 16, 2021 1:29 pm
rida wrote a review...



Hi! Rida here with a review!
First impression: W O W. I really like it! The way you mould a conversation between a cloud and a sky.

Glows
I really liked this! The way you’ve written it reminded me of the way a book, ‘the girl who drank the moon’ was written. The cloud seemed like the wise one, and the sky, the..... childish one. Like Xan and Glerk. (In the book.)

Grows
Just a few minor things:
#1
“It is cold” said a Cloud to the Sky “ it looks like I will be snow.”

You put an extra space between a (“) and ‘it’.
#2

Unsatisfied, the sky replied, “ I know this.
You should capitalise the ‘S’ of Sky, because in this story, Sky is a person. :)

#3

I do not crave unbeing, yet I worry It may never come
The ‘I’ of ‘it’ shouldn’t be capitalised.

#4

“Why Must being and unbeing have purpose Sky.”
It should be changed to:

“Why must being and unbeing have purpose, Sky?”
The ‘m’ of ‘must’ shouldn’t be capitalised and there should be a comma before Sky and a question mark after Sky.

#5

“WHAT is the nature of the universe then cloud. Is is that I must watch everything I care for slip away and then suddenly I will cease to be, is that it. Surely that is not all, surely my purpose is not THAT” Sky rumbled.
To
What is the nature of the universe then, Cloud? Is it that I must watch everything I care for slip away and then suddenly I will cease to be, is that it? Surely that is not all? Surely my purpose is not just that.” Sky rumbled.
Above, I corrected a few grammatical mistakes, and a word choice.

#6

“PLEASE, please, do not fall then. What purpose does it serve for you to leave me” begged the Sky
There should be a question mark after ‘me’.

I'm sorry if this review was sounding nitpicky, that's not my intention. :(

Overall
I love this! It’s really poetic, and I enjoyed that! I really, really look forward to more of these type of poem-story from you!

Hoping you are happy and well,
Keep writing!
~rida
:) :) :)
:D :D :D




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10 Reviews


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Mon Feb 08, 2021 4:04 pm
spiral wrote a review...



I really like this idea, personifying the Sky and a Cloud, I love the way you went about writing this ! One thing you should be mindful of is either always capitalize Sky and Cloud or never capitalize it, when you were switching it around it just makes it seem lazy.

There were a few other instances where you capitalized words for seemingly no reason,
"Why Must being and unbeing have purpose Sky."
To fix this one line you just don't need to capitalize must, and keep in mind that it's a question, so it should end with a question mark. Another thing, since the Cloud is directly adressing the Sky, there should be a comma before Sky.

I'm sorry if this was sounding nitpicky at all, that's not my intention. But overall I really like this story ! It's very poetic and the way you went about wording everything just flows nicely.




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Sun Feb 07, 2021 10:57 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...



This is so beautiful, so poetic. It's a reflection on human life, being and then unbeing. And we ask ourselves why all of this. It really creates this loneliness and sadness and pity for the sky, that state of not being able to understand, and sometimes it can be heart-breaking even just playing with question of what is the purpose to nature and yourself. I really loved the way you labelled the cloud and sky, and started with:
'"it is cold" said a cloud to the sky "it looks like I will be snow"'
Could this also represent human life nearing towards its end, and how ashes can somehow be seen as atoms, gradually fading over time. This was a really moving piece, that effectively shows what it is to even just exist and how meaning can be a subjective experience, perhaps one that in the eyes of nature does not matter at all.

This was a really beautiful piece of work.




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Sun Feb 07, 2021 10:12 pm
julia002 wrote a review...



I think this is beautiful. I always enjoy metaphors or imagery with nature, and I absolutely love personifying it. I often imagine the stars and moon having conversations like this one. Cloud leaving is devastating and tragic for Sky, yet I feel so much peace in the idea. This writing reminded me of death and how terrified we are of it. One of my favorite parts was:

"These things too ceased to be, and new things came to fill their place. Everything that is, was or will be, all set in motion on the day something was born."

I agree with the idea that everyone comes through and out of life and it is all tied together. I think we are all the universe and are all connected. This piece is so comforting and sweet to me.






thank you so much for the review, that was actually the first line that popped up into my head when I decided to write this short story.




Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
— Dr. Seuss