Young Writers Society

Hi! Rida here with a review!
First impression: W O W. I really like it! The way you mould a conversation between a cloud and a sky.

Glows
I really liked this! The way you’ve written it reminded me of the way a book, ‘the girl who drank the moon’ was written. The cloud seemed like the wise one, and the sky, the..... childish one. Like Xan and Glerk. (In the book.)

Grows
Just a few minor things:
#1
“It is cold” said a Cloud to the Sky “ it looks like I will be snow.”

You put an extra space between a (“) and ‘it’.
#2

Unsatisfied, the sky replied, “ I know this.
You should capitalise the ‘S’ of Sky, because in this story, Sky is a person.

#3

I do not crave unbeing, yet I worry It may never come
The ‘I’ of ‘it’ shouldn’t be capitalised.

#4

“Why Must being and unbeing have purpose Sky.”
It should be changed to:

“Why must being and unbeing have purpose, Sky?”
The ‘m’ of ‘must’ shouldn’t be capitalised and there should be a comma before Sky and a question mark after Sky.

#5

“WHAT is the nature of the universe then cloud. Is is that I must watch everything I care for slip away and then suddenly I will cease to be, is that it. Surely that is not all, surely my purpose is not THAT” Sky rumbled.
To
“What is the nature of the universe then, Cloud? Is it that I must watch everything I care for slip away and then suddenly I will cease to be, is that it? Surely that is not all? Surely my purpose is not just that.” Sky rumbled.
Above, I corrected a few grammatical mistakes, and a word choice.

#6

“PLEASE, please, do not fall then. What purpose does it serve for you to leave me” begged the Sky
There should be a question mark after ‘me’.

I'm sorry if this review was sounding nitpicky, that's not my intention.

Overall
I love this! It’s really poetic, and I enjoyed that! I really, really look forward to more of these type of poem-story from you!

Hoping you are happy and well,
Keep writing!
~rida

I really like this idea, personifying the Sky and a Cloud, I love the way you went about writing this ! One thing you should be mindful of is either always capitalize Sky and Cloud or never capitalize it, when you were switching it around it just makes it seem lazy.

There were a few other instances where you capitalized words for seemingly no reason,
"Why Must being and unbeing have purpose Sky."
To fix this one line you just don't need to capitalize must, and keep in mind that it's a question, so it should end with a question mark. Another thing, since the Cloud is directly adressing the Sky, there should be a comma before Sky.

I'm sorry if this was sounding nitpicky at all, that's not my intention. But overall I really like this story ! It's very poetic and the way you went about wording everything just flows nicely.

This is so beautiful, so poetic. It's a reflection on human life, being and then unbeing. And we ask ourselves why all of this. It really creates this loneliness and sadness and pity for the sky, that state of not being able to understand, and sometimes it can be heart-breaking even just playing with question of what is the purpose to nature and yourself. I really loved the way you labelled the cloud and sky, and started with:
'"it is cold" said a cloud to the sky "it looks like I will be snow"'
Could this also represent human life nearing towards its end, and how ashes can somehow be seen as atoms, gradually fading over time. This was a really moving piece, that effectively shows what it is to even just exist and how meaning can be a subjective experience, perhaps one that in the eyes of nature does not matter at all.

This was a really beautiful piece of work.

I think this is beautiful. I always enjoy metaphors or imagery with nature, and I absolutely love personifying it. I often imagine the stars and moon having conversations like this one. Cloud leaving is devastating and tragic for Sky, yet I feel so much peace in the idea. This writing reminded me of death and how terrified we are of it. One of my favorite parts was:

"These things too ceased to be, and new things came to fill their place. Everything that is, was or will be, all set in motion on the day something was born."

I agree with the idea that everyone comes through and out of life and it is all tied together. I think we are all the universe and are all connected. This piece is so comforting and sweet to me.