Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
It was nine degrees outside when I took my last steps out of the house. The air dug at my eyes and made them water. That, was the first and the last time I cried after deciding to end my life.
As I passed through the quiet neighborhood, I wondered who would find me. quickly moving past the idea that I would never know, I looked around and tried to imagine.
I imagined the sirens flooding this once quiet part of town. Filling up the empty air that I had grown to hate so much. I imagined how stomping feet would turn this beautiful snow all into the same shade of slush gray that sat in the sky.
I imagined my mom finally coming home from work to find my note. I want to imagine her looking for me right now, but there is no chance she is home early, she's never home.
I imagined a thousand more things as I made my pilgrimage. I saw so many things in my minds eye, so many beautiful things. But every time they slipped away just as i recognized them. Then came the sadness, then came the pain.
I couldn't imagine surviving this. I didn't want to imagine that dead house with empty rooms and silent hallways. The pain took me to my knees
I Imagined myself, eyes closed at the bottom of the lake.
The pain suddenly wasn't crippling anymore
"Its almost over," I said aloud. It was half reassurance and half a promise."after this this the pain is gonna stop"
The lake grew closer with each step. I was so tired.
I found a small cove surrounded by trees and brush. The ice was thin here.
It was so peaceful and for a second I just stood there. The birds tweeted above me and the snow crunched beneath my feet. Then closed my eyes and for a second.
I hoped that some of peace would work its way into me...
It didn't
With resolve I stepped onto the glassy lake. With each step toward the center my heart quickened. With a final cold rush the ice cracked and fell from below me.
Now as the cold water holds me and draws me deeper i use the last of my breath to push a single sigh of relief. Now, now i can be at peace.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
This is a beautiful story in a deep haunting way. I was really captivated by everything you wrote, and it left me with a kind of sick, tense feeling, but in a way that made me think "wow..." This story is extremely thought-provoking and heavy.
In some ways, the end is a bit anticlimactic. I think you could make it much more effective if you add in some internal dialogue that hadn't been used in the story at the very end as a last word, or saved some of what you say in the beginning for the end. For example, the detail of the paramedics finding the body could be a good closer, something the main character thinks about as he or she sinks to the bottom of the lake, to make it feel like those are their last thoughts.
Really, really good work!
Hey there! I'll do my best to review your piece, sorry if it's hard to follow.
I love the imagery in your descriptions- it really paints a picture of the narrator's pain and thoughts. It invites a lot of empathy with the reader.
I think that a lot of parts of this are also very realistic, like how the narrator is caught up in almost romanticizing the after effects of their suicide. I feel like that's probably really common with people who have suicidal thoughts/are suicide victims.
You did well in making a short story about such a deep and heavy topic poetic and beautiful in a way.
A couple things are that there are a few grammar/punctuation mistakes, just where you forgot a period or didn't capitalize an I, but depending on your intentions, those could work with an unraveling narrator.
All in all, a wonderful piece- and I loved the title! Thanks for keeping up with my review!
-ChristenedPages
Hey there, vanilla writer !!!
This is Eros here with a review for you !
I was so captivated by the topic, "A short walk to an icy lake"
I was compelled to simply read it ...and find out what the story is about. Moreover the description you have given that it's a story about suicide, just sort of hypnotised me. I love to read things related with suicide, homicide, and such stuff.
So before starting with the story, I would like to say that the choice of set of the words was super awesome. The way you have described the ice lake is super realistic... The realistic effect came into the story when you described the cracking of the ice floor below you, by the lines,
The next thing is the flow of the story. That is very smooth.
Now diving in into the story...
The story was great... The way the sadness overpowers the beautiful things. And a great poet has written a poem, "A thing of beauty is Joy forever." So if I compare that poem, I had it in literature in my high school, with this little beautiful story, i feel the feels of the protagonist. The things if beauty quickly slipped away from his mind and sadness hugged him.
Everything is described beautifully. I like the innovative way of the suicide.
I agree, suicide is wrong. BUT. That applies only in real life. Stories associated with suicide, murder, death especially violence, killing, blood interests me a lot. They have a more juicy content with wit, imaginations, creativity, feelings, thrill, action, everything.
I like the creative way of death here. Generally we hear suicide by hanging, or jumping into a river, or cutting the main gains or jumping from a building. But using ice as the weapon was so creative. It was awesome.
Everything is awesome. Grammar, there's no mistake. No issues with punctuations too.
Loved the piece.
Have a great day / night !!
Eros.