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16+ Violence Mature Content

Zombies of Mariesville | One

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*Part One of a series I’m making. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



In a small town called Mariesville, there was an abandoned bakery called “Jackson’s”. Legend had it that the double chocolate chip cookie with blue chunks turned people into zombies.

At the bakery, during the dark, starless night, were four teens by the names of Luisa, Josette, Charles, and Braden. It was the boys’ idea for them all to explore the place, as a double date. Braden brought Josette, Luisa brought Charles.

All in all, romantic.

The inside of the bakery had faded pink pastel and white striped walls, broken glass cases and gunk, foodstuffs, probably, splattered all around.

A shadow of what it once was.

Luisa couldn’t help but wonder how many wide-eyed children pointed to the treats of their desire, how many adults went out for something sweet in their lives, how many teens, like them, made memories of friendships and dates that only came with the freedom of being young enough to dream, but old enough to do?

It troubled Luisa to step in the grave of a once joyful atmosphere.

“Look here!” Braden said from behind the counter, jolting Luisa out of her thoughts.

In his hand, he held up a cookie with blue chips.

The “zombie” cookie.

“This was the thing that turned a whole town into zombies. This was the thing that made everyone’s skin go inside out. This single cookie right here closed down a bakery. A bakery, out of all places!”

“Do I dare take a bite out of this?” Braden asked, a wicked smile on his face.

“You don’t have the guts to do it.” Charles said, snatching the cookie from his hand.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Luisa asked. She was unable to hide the panic in her voice.

“Relax, it’s just a cookie.” Charles said, rolling his eyes. It hurt Luisa when he did that. It felt like he didn’t think her thoughts mattered, like she was being too much.

“You found it in an abandoned bakery. I wouldn’t eat it if I were you.” Josette warned. Luisa sighed in relief. At least she had Josette to back her up, help her out.

“And? It’s a cookie, it’s not poison.” Charles said.

Then, he bit into the cookie.

For a while, nothing happened. He was just eating a sweet treat, a dessert before bed.

But then, Charles bent down, clutching his stomach. From his mouth came awful, hacking noises, blue chunks flying with yellowed gunk.

Luisa carefully walked up to Charles, checking on his health. Braden was biting his fingers, eyes bugged out in fear and intensity. Josette was walking up to the door, already in the mood for leaving.

It got to the point where Luisa was close enough to touch his back.

“Charles? Are you okay?”

He growled, a guttural, unnatural sound. Charles bolted to life, skin decaying, eyes white and wide. With his papery hands, he grabbed onto Luisa’s shoulders.

All at once, her head swam with the thoughts of eating flesh, forgetting who she was, a moving body that just existed for taking, and then-

Braden tackled Charles to the ground. Josette opened the door.

Luisa knew what she had to do.

She ran to the exit, to the open, fresh air, away from that bakery and its curse.

……………………………………………………

THREE WEEKS LATER

Charles’ virus spread to the town like The Black Plague, affecting nearly everyone in Mariesville in only three weeks.

Luisa, Josette, and Braden were the only humans alive, hiding out in Luisa’s house. It felt strange to live in a world so alien, so ghostly. They doubted there was a cure, but wanted to live while they still could.

It was Luisa’s turn to go get groceries. She was walking slowly, so the zombies wouldn’t hear her.

In the middle of the road, a lavender orb glowed.

No…Luisa had to be imagining it…it wasn’t possible…but zombies were real…

She rubbed her eyes. The orb stayed.

Luisa walked up to the orb, curious as to what it could be.

What was it doing out there? How did it come? What did it want?

Soon, she was as close to it as she was to Charles, before he lost himself.

The orb morphed, melted, materialized into…into a woman?

She was a young woman with lavender hair, twinkling brown eyes, a deep purple gown and cloak, white socks, and black Mary Janes.

She wasn’t dressed like anyone Luisa had ever seen.

Zombies groaned in the distance, loud, but not loud enough.

Luisa grabbed the woman’s wrist. Whatever she was, she was in danger. She needed to get inside, before the zombies came any closer.

As if to mark how much danger they were both in, the moaning and groaning was getting clearer and closer.

……………………………………………………

Finally, Luisa made it safely to her house with the woman. When they were both inside, Luisa locked the door and moved the two armchairs back in front of the door. It was extra protection.

“Who is she?” Josette asked. She and Braden were huddled on the couch, in each other’s arms.

Luisa wished that Charles was around to comfort her. Sure, she was a survivor, a warrior, but it would be nice to have someone to lean into, someone to trust with her whole heart.

“Hello? Who is that woman?” Josette asked impatiently.

“Oh! I…uh…well, she was an orb…but uh…then she became this.” Luisa said.

Josette raised an eyebrow, Braden seemed a little concern. Did they that she was crazy? Would they leave her to die?

“I’m a witch! My name is Marie.” The woman said brightly, speaking for the first time. Her voice was inappropriately optimistic for the current situation.

“I own this town, you see. My brother Jackson owned a bakery way back when. He didn’t like humans very much, so he made a cookie that turned them into zombies. That’s what he called them, anyway. Anyone who ate the cookie or was bitten would become a zombie. It was horrible, how fast it was spreading. I had to fight him off to end it all. I had to shut down the bakery, for the safety of the humans…I think it’s starting again.” Marie said softly, in a downcast tone.

“I didn’t want this to happen again, but it did. There’s a cure. A solution for this. You three just have to trust me.” Marie said.

Luisa was told all her life by her parents, just like other kids, never to trust strangers, for they could very well end her life.

But her parents were zombies and she didn’t want to be the savior anymore.

“I trust you.” Luisa said.

“What about you two?” Marie asked.

Josette and Braden immediately got out of the couch and joined them. It seemed like they wanted an end to the horrors as well.

“Very well. You three stand around me and I’ll take us on our journey.” Marie said.

The glow of lavender surrounded them. Zombie screams and shrieks resounded throughout the ghost town.

Luisa hoped that they weren’t making a mistake with trusting Marie.

Characters in Gacha Club:

Luisa:


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243 Reviews

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Sun Mar 03, 2024 7:54 pm
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hi there! This is Orabella, here with a review!

I'm so sorry most of this story has been sitting in the green room for so long! It's a shame because this story seems so interesting so far! Hopefully Mariesville can be saved from zombies - like it once was, but I have a bad feeling it might turn out for the worse!

Right from the beginning, we have a very interesting premise - one that is very unexpected! Cookies that turn people into zombies. I've never heard of such a thing before, but I must admit, it's very creative. I wonder what exactly the blue chunks are? Does it have some sort underlying significance we don't know about yet?

My main advice for you is try to show, don't tell. Another way I've heard this said is, describe, don't explain. Readers can pick things up from stories without being directly told something. If, say, you have a story where the premise is a girl that's secretly a ghost, then saying, "Everyone in the town thought May was a ghost," isn't as interesting as it could be. If, however, you try to show that she is a ghost without telling the reader, it can get more interesting: "James watched the pale girl walk into an empty classroom. He was waiting for her to come out - she still owed him 10 dollars. But as the minutes ticked by, no one left the room. Eventually, he got tired of waiting, and opened the door to see what she was doing. No one was there. She has to be here somewhere. She could've have just walked through the wall." Hopefully that makes a little bit of sense. ^^

I love the way you describe everything! The abandoned bakery is explained in perfect detail, and I can imagine myself there! I especially love the sense of what it once was and what it is now. I feel like that can correlate to the rest of the story, too. Luisa, Josette, and Braden remember what the town was once like, but they are forced to live in what it is now.

I wonder if there's something special about lavender? Why is her hair that color, and does it hold any significance? I see the town is named after her. I wonder why? And can the teens really trust her? Or is she up to something devious?

I also wonder how they're the only 3 left? (Well, also Marie, so I guess 4) Is it because they knew they had to hide early on? I wonder how it spread, and what the surrounding towns and cities and governments think of this; unless they don't know? Oh, dear, that doesn't bode well. Is the whole world going to be affected if they can't put a stop to it?!

All in all, this is such an interesting story! I can't wait to see where it goes! I hope Luisa and the others make it out okay! Thank you so much for writing and sharing this, and have an amazing day/night! Keep writing!




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Mon Jul 10, 2023 11:36 am
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foxmaster wrote a review...



Hello, foxmaster here!
I wonder if the witch is trust worthy? They should work with her. The zombie part was very interesting. I am happy to continue this.
Some room for imrpovements here is the part maybe when Chales turns into a zombie. I feel like you should have dewcribed that more, because you made the change so sudden, I couldn't really process it. Also, this part:

All at once, her head swam with the thoughts of eating flesh, forgetting who she was, a moving body that just existed for taking, and then-

Wait, did she turn into a zombie? I was super confused at this part and it didn't really make sense to me, because was she temporairly a zombie, or what?
What I liked about this was the description of everywhere, and a cookie that turns people into zombies is very original.
Overall, I enjoyed this and wish you a good day or night.
Foxmaster




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Mon Jul 10, 2023 2:56 am
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LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hi! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

I'm gonna start reviewing right away!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Oooh, zombies! I don't think I've read about zombies before, only watched shows about them. Interesting, a cookie that turns people into zombies. This idea is interesting, because usually the plot for zombie shows are that someone dies, and then thy become a zombie, and it spread because of some scienc thing. But this is an intriguing concept!

Slightly Burnt Marshamallow - Room for Improvements
One thing I thought you could improve was that I think you could have added more descriptions about what happened immediately after Charles bit into the cookie. Did it taste weird, was a laughing/mocking them, or was he just standing there and chewing it? Just a suggestion, because that part seems a little rushed.
I also think you could have added more detail about what the orb looked like, since it's unnatural for there to be a random glowing orb sitting in the road.
I was also a little confused if Marie was awake when she un-tranformed from the orb, because Luisa had somehow dragged her to her house, and Luisa's friends were asking about who she was right in front of her.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
You did really well in describing what Charles looked like when he became a zombie, and also the deatals of the abandoned bakery. Overall, you were good at describing visually what what happening in the situation. Good job on that!

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
This is a great chapter overall. The concept is interesting, and the end left me in so much suspense. I hope you will continue this series. Happy writing!

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