*This story is underneath my folder titled “Claudia of the sea”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*
“You don’t think that I’m unpleasant, do you?” Caden asked.
There was something peculiar in the drink that Adeline had given him years ago. Did she steal it from a witch? A sorcerer or sorceress? Alanna wasn’t quite sure. She tried asking Adeline, but Adeline was just about as useful as a boat with no sails.
It didn’t matter, though. Not really. Sure, Caden was human at the top, kraken at the bottom, and larger than life, but deep down, he was still the human boy Alanna loved, innocence in his eyes, sweetness in how he wrapped her in his tentacles.
“No, not at all.” Alanna replied with a smile.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello! Ley here to review this amazing work for you. Today, I will be using my 'Summer Themed Review Template'! I will start with opening statements, highlight and summarize my favorite parts, note areas that could be improved, and then give you my closing statement! I hope you find this review helpful, and I hope you're having a wonderful Summer, if that's the season wherever you are in the world! Let's get into it!
A Warm Welcome
Since this is a little snippet, this review will be much shorter than usual, but I still wanted to review this piece because you really shoved a whole much of emotion into one little passage. And well done with that! Let's get into the specifics~
Sunny Moments
Since I'm familiar with your previous stories, I have to imagine that this is is set in a fantastical/magical world, and that there are monsters involved. I was proven right when I read about Caden being half-kraken, which I find absolutely amazing. It's not often, if ever, I read a story about a kraken, and I'm so glad that you introduced it to us here in this passage. It was meaningful, and told us a lot about Caden himself, and possible his love Adeline.
I also loved how it showed the contrast between mortals and 'monsters', how even the mystical of beings can still love and show emotion just as well as humans can. I love this moral! Amazing job shoving so much emotion and meaning into such a short background passage.
Heat and Haze
I couldn't find anything wrong with this passage, though I did wish for more! I see why you ended it there, and I find it beautiful, but as the reader I was like "OMG I want moree!" XD Which is a great thing, if you're trying to immerse your reader and keep them reading for future parts.
Overall Vibes
Overall, I loved this! In my opinion, it was just enough to keep me immersed and wanting more. Thank you for sharing, and I can't wait to read more of your stories!
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
hiya!
sooo I'm not familiar with the previous parts of this story, but I think I have an idea from this lil section. though I wish there was a bit more context here though! it's hard to 'jump right in' which some ppl might prefer.
like with the drink! since I haven't read anything else, I don't know what's going on. was it magical?? was it really a sorcerer like Caden thought?? or is it just some other possibility?? the tension could be fun to play with! :3 example would be its longterm effects,, other than the kraken stuff xD
but ye this was cute! I think I'll have to check out Caden nd Alanna's origin stories now. their dynamic is super cool! c:
- Zhana :)
Glad you enjoyed!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this is not a callback I was expecting to see given how both versions of the origins went there. Things certainly didn't end too terribly well for either of them, and given what point we're at here, it doesn't feel like this is a reality that somehow changed it. It just seems like a snippet right before that complete disaster moment struck.
I do think the tittles matches up quite well though, it certainly is a strange moment, and I do fully believe that in this moment before things would go entirely south Alanna did still have love in her heart. I do think there was acceptance and kindness happening. After all they were in love a fair amount of years. It doesn't just go away like that and in this moment Caden isn't fully gone just quite yet, so its quite an unusual but indeed also quite a beautiful moment there that we find ourselves ending on.
Overall I think you've done a wonderful bringing that together here and really showcasing so much emotion in what is really quite brief scene there.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate