*This story is under my folder titled “Claudia of the sea”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]. Enjoy!*
Claudia stared at Caden and Alanna. Caden, a tentacle monster. Alanna, a bleeding, love-bound ghost.
Their victims always seemed to find freedom, their victims always seemed to find solace. Yet the three of them were still trapped.
Claudia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure if it would work, but she was the one who brought them all to their demise. Perhaps, if she passed on, then they would, too.
Claudia could feel herself rising…fading…fading to her family in the garden that was in Heaven…
“I’m human again! I can kiss you again!” She heard Caden’s voice cry out.
She smiled as she heard Caden and Alanna kiss, as she heard them embrace each other. Claudia’s freedom was helping them gain their own.
And, somehow, she felt the tensions lessen. It wasn’t like they would instantly forgive her. After everything that happened, forgiveness wasn’t definite.
But at least she helped make things better.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Ah this belongs to the ghost girl story who floated over the ocean, right? To get revenge.
I wonder what it means that their victims find freedom. What victims? In what way are they victims? That is a curious way to phrase it!
Wait a second, Caden's monstrousness was tied to Claudia? And she can just... decide to go to Heaven? The story's getting more and more complex @.@ It leaves me with a lot of confusion and I guess more need for context that I'll find further buried in all your stories =D
Hmm%u2026this story I wrote was not exactly my favorite. So, I will explain a few things:
*Claudia has to find peace to go to Heaven. But so does the other two. She sort of helps them find peace to go to Heaven.
*But these ghosts are also evil. (Caden%u2019s not a ghost, actually. He%u2019s a thirteen foot tall, half human, half octopus type of monster. He eats ppl. Alanna feeds them to him. But Claudia gave him a drink that cursed him without knowing, she just kind of forced him to drink it.)
*They set their victims free, let them go to Heaven.
But I might edit this. I wanted to write smth happy with the series but idk if it goes with the stories.
Thank you for reading. :>
This is pretty good! Even as someone without context of the rest of this collection, it makes sense to me in isolation. However, I think there are a few small changes you could make to make the passage flow more smoothly.
1. "Perhaps if she passed on, then they would, too"
I would reword this to "Perhaps, if she passed on, [...]"; I think that it makes the sentence a bit more legible.
2. "And somehow, she felt the tensions lessen"
Similarly, here, it feels a bit more natural to phrase it as "And, somehow, [...]"
Overall, I find this as a good, bittersweet little snippet. Cheers.
So glad you enjoyed and thanks for the suggestions! If you want to read more, you can look at my folder on my profile %u201CClaudia of the sea%u201D.