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16+ Violence Mature Content

The happy, carefree, stupid clown song!

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*This song I wrote is about a monster clown. I hope you enjoy this. (That is, if you’re into this sort of thing..) :)


INTRO:

“WELL! If it isn’t the little children! Come along and follow me! I’ve got so many things to show you!”

*MUSIC*

SONG:

Everybody stares at me.

Y’all laugh and dance all you want.

Not like I care.

Let’s forget the world tonight.

Let’s go so freaking insane.

We shed some blood tonight.


Cause I’m a clown and I don’t care.

You say something bad about me, beware.

Cause I’m after you and I’m a monster.

I’ll eat your skin if you dare come near me.

But don’t be scared!


Come along and dance with me, sing with me!

Let’s sing the happy, carefree, stupid clown song!

Let’s sing and dance all night long.

Don’t ever leave, because if you do, then that’s bad news for you.

I’ll change my tune and eat you up.

So sing and dance, my love.Have fun for all eternity!


You want to get with me?

Alright, let me just creep into your life.

It’s okay, I know you already.

I’ve been watching you from day one.

I know your name and your location.

All you gotta do is be the best you can be and you won’t get eaten.

Yeah,people call me insane.They say I’m a lethal monster.

Children fear my name,yet,you want to play my game.

You think you’re worth it? You think you can get past me?

 Show me, show me, show me you’re insane enough to be around me.


Cause I’m a clown and I don’t care.

You say something bad about me,beware.

Cause I’m after you and I’m a monster.

I’ll eat your skin if you dare come near me.

But don’t be scared!


Come along and dance with me,sing with me!

Let’s sing the happy ,carefree, stupid clown song!

Let’s sing and dance all night long.

Don’t ever leave, because if you do,then that’s bad news for you.

I’ll change my tune and eat you up.

So sing and dance, my love.Have fun for all eternity!


Are you scared yet?

No?

You want to continue?

Ah, you’re an interesting one.

I lead the parade and start the show.


No, don’t get any ideas.

I may have you kept you alive, but that doesn’t mean I love you.

I despise humans and they despise me.

All they did was lie, lie, lie to me.

So now, I’m a liar.

Scratch that.

I’m more than a liar.

I’m a great, big, mean demon and I’m gonna eat you up.

Run, run, run for your life or go insane,like me.

Either way, you’re under my control.


YOU WANT THIS TO END?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

IT’S TOO LATE NOW!

YOU’RE MINE NOW!

MINE FOREVER!


You should have run when they warned you.

You should have listened.

You acted like a child.

This is what happens to non-believers.

Now, I’m going to turn you into dinner.


Cause I’m a clown and I don’t care.

You say something bad about me, beware.

Cause I’m after you and I’m a monster.

I’ll eat your skin if you dare come near me.

But don’t be scared!


Come along and dance with me, sing with me!

Let’s sing the happy, carefree, stupid clown song!

Let’s sing and dance all night long.

Don’t ever leave, because if you do,then that’s bad news for you.

I’ll change my tune and eat you up.

So sing and dance, my love.Have fun for all eternity!

For all eternity…..

*MUSIC FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND. THE SOFT TINKLING OF A MUSIC BOX CAN BE HEARD. CHILDREN’S SCREAMS PIERCE THE AIR, FOLLOWED BY INSANE LAUGHTER.*


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Sun Sep 11, 2022 1:29 am
Hijinks wrote a review...



Hiya vampricone! I'm stopping by with a short review for you tonight!

Compliments
You do a great job of establishing the clown's voice and tone throughout the song! They are very taunting and it's clear they're trying to subtly intimidate the listeners, but it also seems as though they're harboring some resentment against the people who have characterized them as a bad guy. I can imagine them singing "Let’s sing the happy, carefree, stupid clown song!" in a mimicking, bitter tone, as if people have called them stupid before and that's why they call themself stupid now as well. That sort of interpretation is supported by the line - "Yeah,people call me insane. They say I’m a lethal monster."

And the word choice also makes the clown seem sort of flippant! They repeat over and over again that they "don't care", for example, and when they talk about "turning people into dinner" it seems very casual. Of course, that could be changed a lot depending on the presentation of the song! But it makes me wonder if underneath, the clown might not actually be as flippant as they're portraying themself.

I really enjoyed seeing some rhyming here and there - ie "care / beware / scared", in the second stanza and "song / long" in the third one. I don't usually see much rhyming in the songs you write so it's fun to see you playing around with that! I think it adds a lot to the lyrical-ness of the writing, and to how it would sound sung aloud as well. On a similar note, I see you're making use of some song structures; there's a recurring two-stanza chorus, for example, that shows up several times and kind of ties everything together.

Critiques
I like how there's kind of an all-caps climax towards the end of the song. However, I think it would be even more effective if you grew to that point more gradually - like by the end of the first stanza it's already established that we're going to "shed some blood tonight". Especially if this is meant to illustrate a toxic relationship, I would expect the clown to be far more subtle at first to lure people in. And then things start to escalate, until it finally reaches the point that it's clear the clown wants to kill these people, but by this point they've been lured into a sense of false security and can't escape. I think if you could incorporate that sort of progression into your poem, it would really bring it to the next level in terms of representing a toxic relationship!

Other than that I might just encourage a bit more imagery. Right now it's a lot of the clown making very literal statements / directing literal questions at the audience, and I think it would be great to add maybe a bit more gore and horror-related imagery as well!

Overall
This was definitely an intense song to read! You did a fabulous job of portraying the clown's character over the course of the piece, and I agree with Horisun that it was interesting to see the clown's motives/how they got to this evil mindset. It makes them feel a lot more complex and 3D. I also enjoyed your use of song writing conventions (ie rhyme, chorus, etc.)! The main point for improvement would be working on more explicitly conveying a toxic relationship through the clown's actions, and maybe incorporating a bit more gore imagery as well!

Best,
Seirre




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Thu Sep 08, 2022 2:24 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you are having a good day or night!
Your poem made me profoundly uncomfortable, which I imagine is what you were going for! I felt as though the singer was speaking directly to me, through the screen. By breaking the fourth wall and addressing the audience, you created this layer of fear they wouldn't otherwise have felt.
That said, it often seemed a tad on the nose. The more this clown said things like "I'm going to eat you" and "I'm a monster" the less I believed it. It got to the point where, though I began simply unsettled, I ended feeling vaguely amused, which doesn't seem to be what you, the author intended.
I would suggest, rather than opening with not-so-subtle threats, you ease the reader into creepier imagery, until by the end, the children screaming and music box playing have a greater impact on your audience.
That being said, there were several lines I really liked. My favorite-

I despise humans and they despise me.

All they did was lie, lie, lie to me.

So now, I’m a liar.

-gives the readers insight into the singers motivations. Where before, he was no more a silly clown, it is now diving into themes of loneliness, and the cruelty of its supposed creators. I wish there were more lines like this that made the clown seem more than a scary monster, as it would make the audience fear it all the more!
Overall, this was excellent! I always enjoy seeing your more lyrical works. They have this down to earth charm to them, only to rip the rug beneath you to reveal it's darker, more morbid side!
So, on that note, keep on writing, and have a great day! :D

-

(Side note, I just read your authors note. In regard to your analogy to toxic relationships, I found myself a little confused. Does the clown represent the toxic person? Or are they the one wronged? Aside from the line about liars, I didn't pick up any deeper meaning beyond "scary clowns" What you have is great, but I might suggest making your message just a tad clearer. Sorry I couldn't fit this into the actual review, I only caught the authors note on my third read through)




vampricone6783 says...


It honestly depends. When I wrote this, the clown was the one being toxic. But maybe that%u2019s not how you see it.



vampricone6783 says...


I deleted the verse after the one about lying.




And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk