*This is underneath my folder titled “My poetry”. Enjoy!*
I made it
I did what I had to do
But there’s always something I’ll have to do
They say the road never ends
Will my heart ever be content?
Always a hunger for something in my veins
Always rushing to the end
“I want to be happy, I want to have everything”
And yet “everything” means something different with the blow of the birthday candle
I promised myself I’d do it right
I promised myself not to lose
I can’t lose
I don’t want to break my own heart
Some say you have to let go
Sure, yes, that’s inevitable
But how can I let go of what's part of me?
Days of running in recess
Sun shining so bright
On children playing pencil and paper games
Asking if someone else is there
Whispers of horrors in boxy screens
It’s enough to haunt anyone’s dreams
And I used to fear those spooky stories
The demons that lay in the dark
But I’m older now and nothing should scare me
I have so much and so little to look forward to
What will it be like when I finally get all that I want?
Will I love the creature that grins back at me?
Or mourn the ghost of what I used to be?
Perhaps it’s okay to be unpleasant sometimes
For the monstrosities could lead to the magic I need
Maybe that’s why they liked those scary stories
Because even in the liminal three am hour
There was always the comfort of something being there
You’re never alone
So long as you hold tight
To your hopes and soul
Through this precious and perilous journey
We call life
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hi bro I'm soo excited to review one of ur poems!!
To start it off, a mild inconsistency is the third line where you've repeated the "had/have to do" from the second one. I felt that it interrupts the flow a bit. I suggest replacing the "I'll have to do" with "there's always something left.". Will match the rhyme better, but if you were going for the feelings of necessity or insatiable need to prove oneself then what you've used works.
While there is no set rhyming scheme, the bits of rhyming you used generally line up quite well. The second paragraph was very touching; accurate depiction of the young, naive hunger that dispossesses all concern for health and taking breaks over chasing success.
The promises you make to yourself often makes it feel that you've betrayed yourself when you aren't perfect or doing everything in your power to reach the top.
The childhood feelings that manifest as a sad, draining nostalgia is very real.
The fifth paragraph draws on the uncertainty of expectation. What are you really fighting so hard for? Is it even a possibility, any chance of being true to reality?
The sixth paragraph is my favorite, especially the part about monsters. Magic monsters in scary stories are a much better escapade than the monsters of the real world (aka many of whom are unassuming people around you).
In the end I feel like the narrator is sort of acclimatizing and coping with the pain and tiredness from life as a part of it, kindof like a "learning experience".
Good job, will defo check out more of your poetry soon <3333
Thx for reading!!
Hai :3
Aww, this is such a tender and existential poem!! I love how it starts with achievement, but instead of letting achievement feel victorious, it immediately turns into this endless hunger. That is SO real ~~ There’s this aching tension throughout between becoming and losing, ambition and contentment, childhood fear and adult fear. It feels like the speaker is standing at the edge of some milestone and realizing that reaching the “end” doesn’t actually end anything. Ugh, that’s such a painful but honest place to write from!!
This opening is so simple, but it works really well!! “I made it” should feel like relief, but the next lines almost drain that relief away. The repetition of “had to do” / “have to do” makes life feel like a checklist that keeps regenerating. Like, the speaker is exhausted not because they failed, but because succeeding didn’t free them. I love that idea!! It’s so devastating and realistic for a speaker who is looking back on their childhood, maybe regretting things, not wanting to move on to the next stage of life. It's a feeling everyone goes through!!
!!!! I love this stanza
“Hunger… in my veins” is such a good phrase because it makes ambition feel biological, almost uncontrollable. It’s circulating through the speaker, like the thought is something unbearable for them to think about for too long. And the birthday candle line is lovely!! It captures how desire changes as we age ~~ What “everything” means at ten is not what it means at sixteen or thirty or eighty, and that shift is both magical and terrifying. The candle gives us time, wishes, childhood, and impermanence all at once... But it's still not enough to calm the storm within someone when they realize their childhood is slipping away.
^^^ I wonder if you could lean even more into that birthday candle image? It’s one of the most specific and emotionally rich moments in the poem, and I’d love to see it return later. Like, does the speaker blow the candle out and regret the wish? Does the smoke look like a ghost? There’s so much potential there!!
This part hurts!! The line “I don’t want to break my own heart” is SO human. I love how it reframes failure as self-betrayal. The speaker isn’t only afraid of disappointing other people because they are beyond that; they’re afraid of becoming the person who wounds their own younger hopes. That’s such a complicated and beautiful idea!! Growing up, in that way, is kind of betraying the younger version of you because eventually you have to move on from your childhood hopes and dreams. Ugh, so painful!!
I really love this shift into childhood memory!! It feels a bit cinematic, like the speaker is remembering what fear used to look like before it became adult fear. Recess, sunlight, games, spooky stories, screens, etc are all images where there’s such a nostalgic eeriness. “Boxy screens” especially places us in a very particular kind of childhood, where horror felt pixelated or grainy or passed around through videos and rumors... That's so atmospheric!!
“Asking if someone else is there” is such a cool line, too!! It makes me think of childhood ghost games, or maybe people testing the dark to see whether something answers, like hiding under the bed or something. That connects beautifully to the later idea that scary stories are comforting because at least something is there.
LOVE this section so much!!
The “creature” and the “ghost” are such powerful images together. The creature feels like the future self, transformed by wanting, success, survival, ambition. The ghost feels like the past self, maybe softer, maybe more innocent, maybe already lost. This is where the poem becomes a little gothic, and I adore that!! It asks whether becoming who we want to be also means becoming unrecognizable ~~ That is such a rich and human fear, like the speaker is falling away from something they used to know so well.
^^^ I think the creature/ghost imagery is one of the strongest parts of the whole piece, so I’d maybe consider bringing it earlier or ending closer to it. The poem has this great horror-under-the-skin quality, and those images make the emotional conflict feel vivid instead of abstract!!
This is such an interesting turn!! I like that the speaker begins to accept the darker parts of the self, not as failures, but as possible gateways into something more. “Monstrosities” leading to “magic” feels very fairytale-horror, which ties back into the scary stories really nicely ~~ I think it suggests that fear and ugliness might not only be obstacles and instead might be part of transformation.
I love the tenderness of the ending, especially the insistence on holding onto “hopes and soul.” It feels like the speaker is trying to comfort themselves after spending the whole poem questioning everything. That said, I do think the final two lines become a little more general than the rest of the poem ~~ “This precious and perilous journey / We call life” is heartfelt, but the poem is strongest when it stays inside your specific images: birthday candles, recess, boxy screens, creatures, ghosts, three a.m. hours, etc. Bring those back and do more with them!!
^^^ Like, maybe the ending could return to one of those images instead? Like the candle smoke, the creature in the mirror, the ghost story at 3 a.m., or the sun over recess. Those were so good!! You already built such a personal world, and I think ending there would make the final emotion feel even more yours. Why do those images matter? What else does the speaker think? Food for thought!!
Overall though, this is such a thoughtful and honest poem!! It feels like a poem about growing up and realizing the monsters don't disappear, contrary to what others may think. Amazing job!! ^_^
- Payton
Thx for your review!!!
This poem did a really good job capturing the fear and uncertainty that comes with growing older and constantly wanting more out of life. The reflective tone feels genuine, and the mix of childhood memories with darker existential thoughts creates a strong emotional atmosphere. Lines like “Will I love the creature that grins back at me?” are especially impactful and memorable.
I also liked how the poem doesn’t stay completely hopeless and even with all the anxiety and self-doubt, the ending feels comforting and human. Some sections in the middle could maybe be tightened a little so the pacing flows more smoothly, but overall it’s a thoughtful and emotionally resonant piece that feels very personal and relatable.
thx for reading! ^v^