z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+

Carmine’s story-Eloise:the demented doll woman

by vampricone6783


*We’ve got two more origin stories to go and then it’s on to something new.This character is not only in “Eloise:the demented doll woman” but also in my other story:”The story of Phantom Yandere.” As always,you can look at Gacha Club character designs on my wall.Enjoy!

Once upon a time, there was a young woman Carmine Cadence. She was married to Wolfe Cadence, and the two had a little baby girl by the name of Marcie Cadence.

But taking care of the baby was too much for her. After she gave birth to her, she was terribly exhausted. She had used up all the strength she had left in her.

But then, a family moved next door and told her that one of their daughters went missing and they’d like to replace her with another one for the time being, until they found her.

Carmine decided to help them and gave Marcie to them. (What good would Carmine do in raising her?)

When Carmine got home, she collapsed on the floor and died.


Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
700 Reviews

Points: 58801
Reviews: 700

Donate
Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:20 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Ah this was a short one, very short in fact. However, this was quite intriguing and also a bit different from the other origin stories we have read so far.

I liked how it seemed far more realistic than the other ones and excluded the sheer craziness of the fantasy stories. Those are fun to see though. Anyway, I wonder how it is connected with the actual story of Eloise. Like, if we see it includes a child, a significant element in Eloise's story but again, I don't know how it is connected to the main story. Does it have something to do with the family that came to the house beside Carmine’s?

Were they really good people? Hopefully they were but my brain tells me the opposite. Because this coming of the neighbours happened very fast after the birth of the child. Also, if they find their child, I wonder what they are going to do with this child. They will at least not abandon her...? If they do, then Wolfe will have to take care of her. I wonder what is going to happen then.

Finally this collapsing. I was kind of expecting tjat something like this is going to happen but ah, I just want to know about the reason behind the collapse. Of course, as we can see, she was terribly weak. That can indeed be a reason but I am a bit curious about the reason. I don't know, I am kind of suspicious about it. That was all.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




vampricone6783 says...


So..Carmine is mentioned in the main story,but isn%u2019t that important.

However,Marcie is the main character and Wolfe comes with her on adventures.

Carmine was just very weak and couldn%u2019t take care of her.

The family is the same family who had lost Crystal to Eloise.

They%u2019re replacing Crystal with Marcie.



User avatar
3996 Reviews

Points: 238316
Reviews: 3996

Donate
Tue Jan 25, 2022 1:33 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once upon a time, there was a young woman Carmine Cadence.She was married to Wolfe Cadence.She had a baby girl named Marcie Cadence.

But taking care of the baby was too much for her.After she gave birth to her,she was exhausted.She had used up all the strength she had left in her.

But then,a family moved next door and told her that one of their daughters went missing and they’d like to replace her with another one for the time being,until they found her.

Carmine decided to help them and gave Marcie to them.

When Carmine got home,she collapsed on the floor and died.


Well...this is quite some story here...wow, this is yet another one of those really short origin stories, but wow, this one has to be one of the few that really stand out as very unique. This is just very different from all the craziness that we have so far witnessed and its just such an unexpected direction for things to go in here.

I absolutely just didn't see this one coming. The whole giving birth to a child being difficult thing appears very normal at first glance and it seems like this is shaping upto be yet another smaller origin, then we've got this family that moves in so quickly, and I am really very intrigued by that timeline, because it sounds like this family moved in not too long after this woman gave birth and I wonder how she lived that long if she's lost all here energy and was seemingly on her own since after the baby is given away it seems she genuinely just falls on the floor and dies.

At any rate, besides that bit of a nitpick, this is a very powerful piece here, its such a shocking story that it just remains in your mind here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




vampricone6783 says...


The family is the same family that had lost Crystal to Eloise.They will replace Crystal with Marcie.



KateHardy says...


Ahhh




Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
— Adrian Mitchell