*This is a silly short fanfic story I wrote with characters from my “Poppy” stories. You can read about them underneath my folder “Adventures of Poppy and others!”. The Overlook Hotel is from Stephen King’s books “The shining” and “Doctor Sleep”. I attempted to be humorous, let me know if I succeeded. This particular story is underneath my folder titled “Some scary-ish stories”. I will get to making origin stories after this one fanfic. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*
“Are you sure that this place is safe?” Poppy asked.
Derek was driving up on the mountains, Poppy in the passing seat, Carmen and Maria in the backseat.
“Oh please, this Overlook Hotel is in brochures! How bad can it be?” Derek asked.
“Are you seriously asking me this? We are in the middle of nowhere. People died in that place. Why would you want to stay here?” Poppy asked.
Carmen and Maria were simply playing with their toys, unaffected by their parents’ conversations. Poppy agreed to go only after much persuasion, and on the mountains, she was beginning to doubt herself.
“Poppy, we’re supernatural creatures. Even if this place is haunted, it won’t bother us. We’ll be fine.” Derek said.
Perhaps he was right. Perhaps there was nothing to worry about. They could totally survive staying at an allegedly haunted hotel cursed with evil spirits!
……………………………………………………..
Carmen ran throughout the hallway, completely bored out of her mind. Daddy had rented out the Overlook Hotel to stay in, so it was just the four of them up on the mountains. Even though they couldn’t sleep, Mommy still wanted to put them all to bed, so that they could all “rest”.
Everybody was in the hotel room except Carmen. Carmen wanted to play.
Just the same hallway, carpet after carpet, light fixture after light fixture, some random fire hose that reminded Carmen of a snake. Seriously, how boring was that place?
“Come play with us, Carmen. Forever and ever and ever…”
Carmen stopped abruptly and turned around.
Standing behind her were two little girls, both in the same blue dress tied by a pink sash. They stared at her, holding each other’s hands as they did so.
Carmen knew immediately that the dead-eyed little girls holding hands were bad news, and would not tolerate it for one second.
She ran past them, screaming: “MOMMY! DADDY! THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED! EVIL TWINS WANT TO KILL ME! HELPPPP!”
By some luck of the universe, Carmen ended up in the hotel room her family was staying at.
“You’re okay! You’re alive! Come on, let’s pack up!” Mommy said, bringing Carmen into a squeezing hug.
Daddy, of course, was getting Maria ready, for she was a mere baby.
They were all going to leave, all four of them.
……………………………………………………..
Derek had never driven faster in his life. He was sure not to go too fast, as a toddler and a baby were in the backseat, but fast enough to get the duck out of Hazbin Hot-OVERLOOK HOTEL.
He thought that they, as a vampire-siren family, could spend the night peacefully at a hotel where many people were massacred and gangsters of all flavors roamed around for many years, but he was gravely mistaken.
Never again would he make such a silly little mistake. Never, ever again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
“Hazbin Hotel” is a show created by Vizipop. (Not sure if I spelled her username correctly.) It was originally on YouTube, but had since been uploaded to Amazon. I have never watched “Hazbin Hotel”, but I see clips of it on Social Media and thought that it would be funny to reference it.
Hey friend!! Ellie here again to leave a review for another wonderful short story! Let's get into some feedback and thoughts:
OOOH we start with a very interesting plot. They are both supernatural creatures so these siblings, sitting while their parents talk, are talking to themselves about how they will be okay. I love the foreshadowing we see here with you saying 'they will TOTALLY' survive. Lets see if that is true...
Oh boy, this is spookyyy! He runs back to his family's room and it seems like they are packing to leave now, all four of them. I love how you write this screaming scene with all caps. It really captures to horror he is experiencing! It ends with the family leaving. Wow, that was a spooky experience for this vampire siren family. Overall, I like how you did the dialogue in this short story. I would love to see more descriptions of the characters and what the hotel looks like. But overall, well written, very fast paced, and awesome! Keep writing!!
Your friend,
Ellie
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This was quite a fun tale to read here. Just a family trying to brave a haunted hotel only this family is smart enough to know when to pack up and run far away to safety.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is quite the family discussion to start things off with right there. Definitely not every day that there's a very calm discussion about exactly how one should go about entering a terrifying cursed hotel full of evil spirits. The children being completely nonchalant about it is quite the detail especially with the revelation that they are also supernatural entities. Lovely start to proceedings here.
Oooh well this is quite the setup right here. The children being mostly bored and just settling down to sleep there only for there to be a little bit of a surprise there as the supernatural elements of the hotel kick in. Let's see exactly how this is going to go an if that dad was correct.
Well it seems we've got some actual common sense being used here. That's quite rare to see in a horror scenario like that, just immediately spotting the danger and then managing to act on it so quickly and efficiently. This is honestly quite a fun scene to see, to have people do exactly what you wished they'd do in a horror scenario.
Well this is quite a hopeful ending, just them driving away and vowing to never come back. I think that's a nice message and it also shows how dangerous this place must be that even a family of more powerful supernatural being can't last a single night in it. At least they were smart enough to escape unscathed.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall quite a solid piece this one. I think you've done a wonderful job of bringing this interesting little scenario to life and that ending was quite satisfying.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Glad you enjoyed this! :>