Her eyes were the same,
The shine lost!
His eyes were the same,
Love for her lost!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,624 Literary Works • 673,566 Reviews
Hi urvikavyas,
I think it's a bit ironic here as "eyes the same" would mean that her eyes were normal so "the shine lost" would mean that she had suffered a loss and couldn't cure it even after an event (joining up together, as in "love for her lost"). Plus, you could make it more clearer after "love for her lost" because if you said "love for her loss" I think it would be clearer. Altogether, this microstory is pretty good as how you can make so much into a few words (one... two... three... 17 words only). Thanks for the awesome writing!
Viv here to do a review.
Welp, it is a microstory and could easily be a poem. I like it, you did not disappoint. But now I'm confused, if their eyes were the same were the shine in his eyes also lost and he loved hers because they were the same? Or did he just love her anyways? Despite my need for more context and questions, I commend and enjoy your writing style.
Viv, out!
Hi, AlyTheBookworm here with a review!
(This is only my second review, so I hope I do this right)
I don't know if this is supposed to be a poem or if this is unfinished or something, but this short story was way too short with only two sentences total. There's not much to review here, but I do have some things to say about it. Sorry for being so critical. I hate to be mean, but this is what I feel. :/
First, I have a few complaints about the the length and how this is called a Short Story. You say it's a story but it looks like a poem (you tried to have some rhyming, right?) and it really isn't telling much. Who is "her"? Why is the shine lost? Whose love is lost? What is this two sentence story about anyways? I know this review sounds extremely harsh but I really have no idea what you were going for or what this story was about. Maybe you should keep writing more to it. I'd really like to know more about "her"!
Second and lastly, the rhyming uses the exact same words, lost and same, twice. The first sentence is also repeated twice, which would be okay in a longer poem (story?), but two of this story's four lines are exactly the same, and that's not good.