I am from passed down recipe books,
from McCormick spices and Pellegrino water.
I am from the sheets tucked tight around me.
(Clean, white, it felt like my mother’s hug.)
I am from the palm trees,
the gardenia bushes
whose sweet smell welcomed me at the front door.
I’m from Christmas cookies and hearty laughs,
from Colleen and Joseph.
I’m from the loud-mouths
and the brainiacs.
/
From Speak up!
and Sit Straight!
I’m from the ginormous church that I was pushed into
until I was deemed old enough to decide my own beliefs.
I’m from Palm Beach and some small Italian town,
from garlic-soaked pasta and coffee at 5 am and 5 pm and anytime in between.
From the black motorcycle that was crushed on top of my father,
the scar that my mother got from a tree branch in fourth grade.
/
In the brown cabinet downstairs
were boxes filled with fading pictures,
telling more about my ancestry
than a record book ever could.
I am from endless moments
that my family created before me,
so that I could make a million of my own.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
... I wrote a poem like this. So did @Elysium. And another person.
What?
haha the "Where I'm From" outline is very common
This is wonderful! Very well done!
Thank you!
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
This is a lovely poem and from the other poems that follow this, this poem seems to show the most emotion as a whole. I liked the style you use here as it seems to how the history or where you came from (which is the name of the poem)
In the beginning, I liked how you gives us memories and the feeling of how your memories are starting. To me, I feel like this poem could use some imagery- use the five senses when writing and try to pinpoint some stanzas where you can use best imagery possible since it can make the reader feel for where you are at.
Also another thing that struck out to me is the spacing. What I suggest is Enter+Shift since it can give you perfect spaces which can make it easier to read. Also even though it good amount of punctuation I feel like it could use more- since it can give the reader a breather when reading and find the shift when reading it again.
I feel you should use 'some' instead of 'a' since it gives a more rhythmic pattern- however, you can decide to leave it as itself; completely up to you.
At the end of this poem, you don't seem to bring it to an end. It just continues on without a stop and could make the reader stop reading (even though the whole poem is lovely in itself). I would suggest reading it aloud and finding the points that seemed to be fixed.
Overall, this was a lovely poem. I enjoyed it and I did something similar to this at my school in English. I hope to read more of you work!
If you want me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
thank you for your feedback! I strayed from using too much imagery so that I could better fit the basic outline for this "type" of poem
I'll definitely read it out loud to see where I can make it flow more.
Hey there, I'm here to review
First off I'll start out by saying I LOOOOVE THIS! In the last stanza (the last four lines) gave me chills! Personally slant rhyme is my favorite way to rhyme.
I felt like the phrase (clean, white, like my mothers hug) was a little odd right there, I feel like it would have flowed better if you would have worked it in a little different! (love the comparison though.) I also would have put some type of punctuation after "I am from the palm trees" depending on how you wanted it to flow!
In your second stanza I love the imagery that came with the lines "From Speak up! and Sit Straight!" I actually just adore that entire stanza. I really liked how you added things in about your parents, because after all you did come from them!
I also REALLY love how you ended it, the words flow so well in the last three lines.
Overall I think this is a FABULOUS work. I can't wait to read more of your stuff, keep writing
this is so sweet, thank you! I added those parentheses to fit the basic outline of this "type of poem" (it was an assignment for my creative writing class in which we had to adjust the poem "Where I'm From" to our life).