Everything runs on a strict schedule:
class at exactly eight in the morning,
club meeting at no later than three in the afternoon,
work at six on the dot and don't you dare be late,
fall asleep by 10:00 each night
(or at least hopefully),
essay due at 11:00 on Wednesday night,
college applications due at 11:59 on October 15th,
scholarship deadlines approaching quickly
(one of them is due November 1st)-
Stop.
Breathe.
Sometimes,
when I think too much
I forget the basics:
breathe.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
I don't have much to say except that this is so relatable, I think I might cry.
aw! don't cry!! I'm glad you like it though
Hey there! TwilightMuse here for a review!
This is very true, if you're late to work you're basically screwed and I like the way this was wordedI really adore this poem, I think it's very easy for high school students to relate to, especially juniors and seniors.
I think you might be using 11:59 a bit too much, it's not a number that rolls off the tongue easily and I feel it gums up the flow a bit.
This whole stanza is perfect. Stopping to breathe in the chaos of everything is really important and I think a lot of people forget that. It's written wonderfully as well.
All in all a fantastic poem, keep writing because you are fantastic!
thank you! I was just thinking about changing the 11:59 in a few lines
Nicely done!
I appreciate the structure and diction used in this poem - how you use words like 'on the dot', 'exactly' and 'dare be late' to emphasize the rigidity of the schedule. Actually, the only word found jarring was 'strict'. The first stanza successfully builds up to that conclusion.
The asides were also great; for me, they helped frame the thinker/speaker's age.
Consider adding ellipses after Breathe... to lengthen the motion and give us the reader a sense of that breathing. Also, consider putting space between Breathe and Sometimes, and a comma after much.
Thank you!
T
thank you! I think I will add some spaces in the last stanza