I don't have much to say except that this is so relatable, I think I might cry.
Everything runs on a strict schedule:
class at exactly eight in the morning,
club meeting at no later than three in the afternoon,
work at six on the dot and don't you dare be late,
fall asleep by 10:00 each night
(or at least hopefully),
essay due at 11:00 on Wednesday night,
college applications due at 11:59 on October 15th,
scholarship deadlines approaching quickly
(one of them is due November 1st)-
Stop.
Breathe.
Sometimes,
when I think too much
I forget the basics:
breathe.
Hey there! TwilightMuse here for a review!
I really adore this poem, I think it's very easy for high school students to relate to, especially juniors and seniors.
This is very true, if you're late to work you're basically screwed and I like the way this was wordedWork at six on the dot and don't you dare be late
I think you might be using 11:59 a bit too much, it's not a number that rolls off the tongue easily and I feel it gums up the flow a bit.fall asleep by 11:59 each night
(or at least hopefully),
essay due at 11:59 on Wednesday night,
college applications due at 11:59 on October 15th,
Stop.
Breathe.
Sometimes,
when I think too much
I forget the basics:
breathe.
Nicely done!
I appreciate the structure and diction used in this poem - how you use words like 'on the dot', 'exactly' and 'dare be late' to emphasize the rigidity of the schedule. Actually, the only word found jarring was 'strict'. The first stanza successfully builds up to that conclusion.
The asides were also great; for me, they helped frame the thinker/speaker's age.
Consider adding ellipses after Breathe... to lengthen the motion and give us the reader a sense of that breathing. Also, consider putting space between Breathe and Sometimes, and a comma after much.
Thank you!
T
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