Published July 24, 2010
This is for Shubhi's Friends Forever contest.
~Friend 1 - Ruth~
I don’t think that passenger seat
Has ever looked so sad to me
We hug and she says goodbye
For the seven hundredth time that night
We’ll always stay in touch, she swears
As an awkward silence fills the air
I’m sniffing, trying to stay strong
And I don’t think it ever crossed her mind
While she’s leaving, I’m left behind
We’ve been friends my whole life long
And I could tell you
Her favorite color’s pink
She has a dozen shoes
Fails at geometry
Her singing’s beautiful
She bakes amazing pies
And if you ask me if I miss her
I’d cry
~Friend 2 - Marty~
I look around the room
Dark and empty, it portrays my gloom
Shouldn’t a light go on
I flip the switch, I find that the electricity is gone
I see everything by window light
I break down and I start to cry
I write back to Ruth and tell her everything is fine
I could tell you
Her middle name's Kathleen
She likes to play guitar
Drink's way too much caffeine
She watches Jeopardy!
Gets every question right
And if you asked me if I miss her
I’d cry
~Friend 1 – Ruth~
I stand there, then walk away
Later, on the phone I say
Life is gonna suck without you
She wouldn’t tell you
But she likes model cars
She seems so girly
Until you learn her heart
My first thought when I wake up
Is “Bathroom is down the hall”
The second is Marty
Who I can’t forget to call
Yes, I could tell you
Her favorite color’s pink
She has a dozen shoes
And it bewilders me
Her singing's beautiful
She bakes amazing pies
And if you ask me if I miss her…
If you ask me if I miss her…
I’d cry
Shubhi, if you want to judge me on the original version, I can PM it to you. Otherwise, there's this.
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Canary word: Present
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129,695 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
Hey Ultra. Amazing, I must say. I had not listen to the song, or even heard of it before this parody, and I really like the way you transformed this into a friend's loss, and the words seemed to match properly. Good work, Shubhi likes it.
Let's see who wins.
~Shubhi
Is this better?
Hello. I never review song Lyrics, but I thought, "hey, it's reviewing sunday, let's try something new!" I also never heard the song you are parodying (is that a word?). But I took a listen and here's what I came up with.
Overall, this is a fantastic song. It has some great descriptions, and carries real emotion. And seeing as how you had to fit your words to a fixed rhythm, it's astonishing how natural it feels. I also liked how you took this from two angles.
Now, for the part I didn't like so much. The chorus. The facts that you list off about your supposed best friend seem well, ordinary. Her favorite color? When she was born? You learn these things the first week you meet them. And I know that Ms. Swift lists off basically the same things, but that doesn't mean you can't improve it. Go for some really deep facts that only these two people know about each other. There was one part where you did do this, and it was great:
This actually lets the reader/listener learn something about the friends. Right now, we're mostly getting how they're sad at Marty's departure. And you did that well, but now tell us why they are so sad. What memories did they share that now, Marty and Ruth are remembering. Just think back to how much you really know about your best friend. If you do, this song could go from being great to stellar. And who doesn't want a stellar song?
(On a side note, I agree with Solvalery about the parody thing. It was confusing at first because I thought this was going to be funny. Maybe change the title to "Based on 'I'd Lie' ", or something so as not to confuse the readers.)
Hi, ultraviolet! You will not believe me! But when I saw the title I though "NOOOO! Why people make parodies to Taylor Swift??" But now that I read it I really like it... and I sang along with your lyrics, which is good. In fact I thought it was going to be a bad parody like making for of her, but no... so I really liked it!
This was fantastic! It was so sad, I seriously started to tear up. I haven't heard the original song, so I can't say if it's a good parody or not, but it's definitely a good song on its own. An entire story was told here, and I felt like I almost knew Ruth and Marty, which is quite an achievement as this is only a song. My favorite part was definitely this verse:
But I loved it all. Really amazing job, and you had better win that contest! ^^
When I read the title I thought it was going to be about an ex-boyfriend, but instead it was about friends! It makes me think it was like saying bye to my friends, when I left for Florida... This is great, and you definitely have talent for writing a parody for songs! I loveee it <3. Sorry, I have no idea about writing songs, but I just wanted to say I like it a lot! (: