Young Writers Society

Hello, UV! Nice poem you've got here. I really like the style you used here. The flow was good, and the words were revealing. I've honestly got nothing against its form, and I do not want to touch your style, so what I'd instead talk about is the context.

I understand this. I really do. I remember what my father has said on the pulpit some weeks ago: that if in the early Church Age, Christians' problem is persecution, today it's comfort living. Christians are easily distracted these days, aren't they? We are too pampered. It's a sad fact - the truth. But with the power of the HS, this could be easily overcome.

Sometimes I wish that I lived
in persecution

Hi Ultra! I'm Forti(: I'm sort of a Lyric Poetry freak, so I was wondering if you are new here or not. I think I've seen (not literally) you before. Anyways...

You might need a little lesson on line breaks. This is almost one big paragraph on different lines. You need to break it into different littler paragraphs so in flows less. (Right it flows too much!) I suggest:

Why is it so hard
to imagine something harder;
a life where it's not a given, not
something free.
I want to feel the heated passion
of the spirit burning me
up from the inside,
a fire engulfing my soul.

Instead, all I feel is a
bland gray monotony,
a redundant calender year
without change.
I swore that I loved you,
loved you who made me, but
what do I know of love, or hate,
or lust, or emotion?

There's no limit on what I can do, what
I can feel, and in that the limit is set.
There's no restriction on Christianity or
my part in it, and that's too easy, too
simple, and there's just too much time.

No hard decisions, no race against the clock -
there's never a need to turn back.
Sometimes I wish that I lived
in persecution - because maybe
then I'd know what it's
like to need rescue; I'd know what it's
like to live in constant fear
of being found out, and
the need to keep hidden would
ignite my need of you; I'd stop
feeling like I could do it
alone, and I'd lean on you wholly; I'd
feel what I need to feel. #FF0000 ">Huge run on sentence, so I'm not sure where it should be broken up.

As it is, I can't take it; the want of something
more, but the inability to grasp it.
I don't live in a nightmare - I don't
live in a prison. I don't live where
someone might find me out
and tell me to stop
and force me down, beat me up, hide
my body.

I don't live
in a place where my emotions are
hated - and I hate it.
I want to feel more. I
want to need you. I want to
need you.


I don't know if you like this better or not. I think sounds better. Overall, the tone and feel is good! Keep writing! Anything else to review? Just ask(:

Thanks for the reviews. I'm not a very good poet, so I really appreciate them. =)

lily>> I want to say you have... but I'm honestly not sure. xD And the way I see it, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to write something like this. Maybe it is, but it shouldn't be.

loveness, ultraviolet <3

Why is it so hard
to imagine something harder;
a life where it's not a given, not
something free.
I want to feel the heated passion
of the spirit burning me
up from the inside,
a fire engulfing my soul.
Instead, all I feel is a
bland#FF0000 ">, gray monotony, -#FF0000 ">needs a comma there for emphasis
a redundant #FF0000 ">calender year -#FF0000 ">calendar
without change.
#BF00BF ">I swore that I loved you,
loved you who made me, but
what do I know of love, or hate,
or lust, or emotion? - i love, love, love this part!!
There's no limit on what I can do, what
I can feel, and in that the limit is set.
There's no restriction on Christianity or
my part in it, and that's too easy, too
simple, and there's just too much time.
#FF00FF ">No hard decisions, no race against the clock -
there's never a need to turn back. - beautiful!!
Sometimes I wish that I lived
in persecution - because maybe
then I'd know what it's
like to need rescue; I'd know what it's
like to live in constant fear
of being found out, and
the need to keep hidden would
ignite my need of you; I'd stop
feeling like I could do it
alone, and I'd lean on you wholly; I'd
feel what I need to feel.
As it is, I can't take it; the want of something
more, but the inability to grasp it.
I don't live in a nightmare - I don't
live in a prison. I don't live where
someone might find me out
and tell me to stop
and force me down, beat me up, hide
my body. I don't live
in a place where my emotions are
hated - and I hate it.
I want to feel more. I
want to need you. I want to
need you.

Hey there, Ultra. (Have I ever reviewed anything for you…I can’t remember…) HI!

Right off the top, I have to commend you for writing a poem about your religious feelings. I know that often times, religion is set, as you put it “a bland gray monotony” and people aren’t often very comfortable questioning or even talking about how they feel when it comes to their spirituality so congrats to you for that.
I think you really have a wonderful idea though and, in fact, I have no comments against your idea. I really like it.

One little nitpick though:

I
want to need you. I want to
need you.