I am afraid that if I opened up,
You would close me off tighter than I was before
I am afraid that if I shared my dreams,
You would think I was merely playacting make believe
I am afraid that if I shared my heartache,
You would call me dramatic, self-centered, and vain
I am afraid that if I didn’t conform,
No one would tolerate my open-minded existence
I am afraid that if I shared my opinion,
You would think me simple-minded, no more than a child
I am afraid that if I dared to take a stand,
You would push me back down and break my free spirit
Yet,
I am afraid that if I don’t take a stand,
Innocent beings will continue to be slaughtered
I am afraid that if I don’t share my opinion,
My mind will be clouded with unholy deceit
I am afraid that if I always conform,
I will strangle my individuality, my very inner essence
I am afraid that if I don’t share my heartache,
There will be no one to help me live through the pain
I am afraid that if I don’t share my dreams,
I will have no incentive to make myself a future
I am afraid that if I don’t open up,
No one will ever understand my motives for leaving this world
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey!
I really enjoyed it, not only because I have felt that way before, but because you have a very creative way of writing.
I think that this is very relate able to many people who read this.
It was beautiful and capturing and I hope to see more writing like this from you!
Thank you for posting it!
And again I really liked it!
Aw. It's kind of sad.
Anyway...
It's a poem many can relate to. I could relate to it as a kid, to say the least O.o. It's a poem that can fit just about anyone with everything you put in it. The sharing feelings and thoughts, but being afraid of being shut off more, reminds me of a wife stuckw with an abusive husband. She's trying to tell him, but never does because she fears the reaction. And then there's more, with the "child" thing, like it was a child, but didn't want to be taken as one (it just gave off that kind of voice, to me. Then again I assume weird things, as well as come up with weird things so I might be viewing this completely wrong ;o sorry XDDDD).
It's a pretty poem. The repetitive "I am afraid" could be "I fear" every other line. It might fix it. That's just a suggestion though; and that's just a 'might' xD. But it was really nice, I liked the theme of the poem. But damn, every poem is kind of sad o.o. But that's not bad; people use poetry to express feelings. Is this personal, or just something you wrote, inspired, etc?
This piece was excellent, I can really relate to it
The wording was a bit off, but still, good job
-sachipachi1
I liked this, I liked how you told what you were afraid of sharing and then what your afraid will happen if you don't share though things. Only one thing I have to say that I didn't really like about the poem, and that is the last stanza... The last stanza is talking about suicide and that just doesn't fit in there at all, nothing in the poem hints towards suicide until that... This is a great poem, I liked it a lot!
~Rain~
Hi I like the repetition that I see in the poem I think it kind of gives it a consistency and it expresses a feeling and opinions that many people have in their every day life.
Starting with what I don't like I am not sure about the last two words in this stanza :
"I am afraid that if I shared my heartache,
You would call me dramatic, #FF4040 ">self-centered, and #FF4040 ">vain"
mainly the word vain, I don't really think it has much to do with the above sentence.
In addition to this what do you mean by :
"... I was merely playacting make believe"
It kind of confused me
but I like these stanzas:
"I am afraid that if I didn’t conform,
No one would tolerate my open-minded existence"
"I am afraid that if I always conform,
I will strangle my individuality, my very inner essence"
Mostly this one which I completely agree with:
"I am afraid that if I don’t share my dreams,
I will have no incentive to make myself a future"
Overall good job for me !
I took out some of the lines that I felt didn't really follow with the message of the poem. What do you think now?
Hey, this is great! I loved the word choice and the way it flowed, I liked the repetition, but I think that maybe less lines could improve it.
I don't have a problem with any of the lines, they're all worded very well, but I do have a problem with this one;
'You would think me simple-minded, no more than a child'
I suppose it is arguable whether children are simple minded or not... Hmm, I just don't like this line because it made me stop and have a think about it, instead of reading on right away.
Other than that, I can't think of anything else. This poem holds a lot emotion, which doesn't come across in a really unrealistic way.
~Crimson
Hi there-
This was a beautiful piece... the repetition made it difficult to read, but when I was able to fully focus on the words, I was pleasantly surprised at how original and gorgeous the language was. Great word choice.. I was consider another structure though. Excellent job.
-Coral-
oh and if you need any help just PM me
I love the entire poem. It's beautiful, emotional and you were able to express your self very creatively. However, don't you think the poem becomes a little too repetitive some times? And yet, there is some thing in the way or manner you wrote, that keeps the reader wanting more....and that is some thing true poets can do. Best of luck and keep writing