Howl of the Lone Wolf Chapter 3

Hey, Aleta here for a kind of short review!
I noticed you have some grammar mistakes, so I decided to rewrite some of it.

Original~
"WHATS YOUR DEAL!" shouted Casey.
"What is your deal!" shouts Casey.

W-w-what do you mean? I replied
"W...what do you mean?" I reply.

"I mean why did you come near this farm WEREWOLF! She shouted which scared me as I saw her reach for a dagger

"I mean, why did you come near this farm! Godsdamn werewolf!" As her voice rose in octave, it frightened me. I could see the glint of her dagger all the way from here.


She grabbed the dagger and tried to stab my head. As I went to go grab the dagger she had taken her right leg and pinned it to me.

She grabs the dagger and tries to plunge it into my skull, although to no avail. As I went to take hold of the dagger and disarm her, she swung her right leg over me and pinned me down to the ground. (By the way, just curious, why did the guy try grabbing the dagger...that wouldn't help, would it?)

Oh god I’m going to DIE!
Oh god, I'm going to die!

*Clink*
This is unnecessary and elementary to add into here. At least just say "Clink."

The dagger hit my head but broke on contact?
Why is the character questioning himself? Is this a question or a statement?

"Oh thank god the legends are true." I mumbled
"Oh thank God. The legends are true." I said, awe founded.

"What the hell happened?" She screamed.

"What the hell happened?" She growled.

"Your in human form how the hell did that break!" She said this with aggravation and annoyance.

"You are in human form! How the hell did that break?"

I looked pass her and see that the crest moon was turning...RED!

I ignored her, looking past her and noticed the crescent moon was turning a deep scarlet.

I grab a mirror and looked to see that the paw was red as well and that the receding hair was coming back.

(Where the hell did he get the mirror from??)

"Casey RUN!" I shouted

"Casey, run!" I shout.

I shouted this and she bolted back to the cottage to probably grab some silverware or a musket so I once again ran as fast as I could until eventually I blacked out.

(The character just shouted this, so why are you restating it?)

I was back in the chamber but Amon was no were to be seen.

I was back in the chamber, but Amon was nowhere in sight.

" Oh no not again" I shouted in pain as I completely transformed.

"Agh--not again!" I shout in pain as I begin to transform.


Overall, there was a lot of grammar mistakes in here that desperately need to be fixed...Anyways, hope I helped!

Greetings from The Swordsman!

I haven't read any of your last chapters, but this one already had me intrigued. Though I don't know the full detail of what is happening, I have to say that this was very good. But onto the review.

Overall you had only a few grammatical mistakes. All of which were addressed by @Elesium. So I can't say that I have any more to add in that regard.

As for plot, there is where I can add some info. Your main character states, "Oh thank god the legends are true." This part confused me. Having done a great deal of research for my own stories about werewolves, I wasn't sure what legend you were talking about. Unless it is stated in a previous chapter, that I haven't read, you should at least give a small piece about what exactly the legends said about werewolves and, what I can assume is, a regular blade.

I did feel a little disconnected from the character. I gather that he has killed his parents and now this small family. Having only done it twice, I would think that there would be more horror and terror in this main character. He is murdering people and being forced to watch it. Give us a little insight in to what the character is thinking. As this is a first person story, we only have this one character's view of the events. As it stands, the character is a little flat. What is he feeling as he runs from the family? What is he thinking as he tries to deny what is happening to his body? All of these can help craft both the character and the world around them.

Overall, I really liked this story. It has the beginnings of a grand adventure that could take place over several years. Thank you for sharing and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Happy Writing!

Hello, hello! El here for a review!

I've read your last couple chapter and I must say I quite like this story! ^-^ The few problems I saw were in spelling and grammar. Such as:

["WHATS YOUR DEAL!" - Could have been "What's your deal?!"] The caps on the whole sentence isn't needed to express how loud her voice is, as the exclamation point does that. Also she was halfway asking a question and halfway being shocked it seems, so you could add a question mark as well.

["As I went to go grab the dagger she had taken her right leg and pinned it to me." - Could have been "As I went to grab the dagger, she took her right leg and pinned me down."] "pinned it to me" didn't quite make a lot of sense.

["Then the cycle of tearing the family limb from limb was over I fell back into the void only to see the stormy grey Amon."] - You could have added an 'and' in there or separated this sentence as it is a run-on.

["You call tearing people Limb from freaking Limb FUN?"] - With this, you could have use italics on 'fun' to stress the words rather than caps.

["There body’s hanging next to the cows, half burnt and chest cavities wide open."] Should have been - "Their bodies hung next to the cows, half burnt and chest cavities wide open."

Aside from the few mistakes, this story is really good! It is a tad fast paced though, perhaps slow it down just a bit and write some detail! Anyways, I shall be looking forward to more of your story! Keep writing~!

-Elesium