Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Komes was far younger than he appeared. Through his heavily scarred face, long beard and bald scalp, few would guess this strange-looking man was indeed only a teenager.
He stood a towering six-foot-tall with a smoldering torch cuffed comfortably in his hand, staring down the modest home with dangerous eyes. The owners he did not know, but he knew exactly what he wanted. His sole desire was for everything he didn't have to burn. All the riches he could never obtain, ashes. All the love no one would dare give him, up in flames. The seventeen-year-old had been through a lifetime of mutilating torture and tramautizing sorrow. Everything he'd once loved and craved were now ashes, and his only remaining desire for was everyone else to feel the same pain he did.
And so with no remorse, no hesitation, he tossed the torch towards the home. It landed softly in the grass, and the grasses became ablazed. The shrubs and flowers surrounding the abode were the first to die, the first victims, and they satiated Komes for the time-being. He wished he could stay to watch the fire spread further towards the building – a little flame here, a little flame there – until the gray smoke became a nice thick shade of black, and soon the entire house would become engulfed in hot fire, burning whoever would be inside. A charred husband, a smoked wife, perhaps even fried children. His heart warmed pleasingly at the possibilities.
It was upsetting to him that he couldn't stick around and watch his favorite part, but he knew the guards and civilians would come soon to see the damage. He was no fool, and knew exactly what it meant to be thrown into city prison – then he couldn't set anything else on fire.
As the house went up in smoldering flames and an anonymous family lost everything, even possibly their own lives, the arsonist couldn't help but smile.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
Hey, crobbins here for another review!
So, I haven't read your other chapters, so I can't really review plot development (sorry).
So, this character is interesting. Your description of them is very well done. I love how you introduced us to him while he was burning a house. I think that was a great idea- it helped the reader make the connection with his love of fire being from earlier trauma in his life.
I think many people can relate to Komes. We have all, at one point or another, felt lost and hopeless like he does. We have all felt: "His sole desire was for everything he didn't have to burn." It is very easy to relate to this line in particular for me. If your dog dies, for example, you often feel jealous of a friend who still has their dog. You probably won't go as far as Komes did, and burn them, but you certainly may feel a little jealous and angered.
I think Komes is so appealing of a character for me because he embodies the dark drives most humans have. We all have a drive for vengeance and to protect ourselves. Komes embodies that, and him being an arsonist shows that he isn't afraid to come to terms with his hurt. I'm not condoning arsonists, I'm just saying I find their way of coming to terms with their feelings and dealing with them so violently I find FASCINATING.
Also, I love that you bolded the first letter of your chapter. It is an interesting signature of your writing. I love when authors have a signature like that- it helps distinguish their works from others.
So, overall, great job! I'd love to read more of your work!
-crobbins
Hey, tigeraye! regismare here to review this chapter!
(I love your username, by the way!)
My biggest issue is how short this is. It's so short! There are barely enough words here to say what needs to be said. You'd do better to add more words and descriptions and details to make everything less vague and more clear and vivid. I have a feeling you're capable of some really great descriptions, and they'd add so much to this chapter and the story overall.
You tell a lot, instead of show - "it was upsetting to him" and "a lifetime of mutilating torture" - so try to show and explain what's going on by using descriptions and dialogue and metaphors and similes and everything else.
Now, for the nitpicks:
Through doesn't make much sense in here, in my opinion.
I don't know if this is the right verb - doesn't it mean to put handcuffs on, or to make a cuff or cuffs on?
More description of this home would be great.
[i]All the riches he could never obtain - ashes.[/quote]
The comma makes it a little unclear that the ashes are the 'result'.
I feel like there are better ways to describe this, and better ways to paint a vivid image in the reader's mind.
Same issue as above. 'Hot fire' isn't very effective - a different adjective would change this, though.
I like the suspense and anonymity in this piece. We don't know much about Komes - maybe because I jumped in at chapter four but who knows - and his inner emotional workings are kept quite secret, apart from his jealousy and determination to destroy what he can't have. This too is fascinating - he doesn't try to strive for what he wants, he destroys it instead. I'd love to find out what makes him this way, and why he does these things instead of working and making everything better for himself and turning his life around.
I apologise that this review was somewhat brief - I hope it was helpful in some way, though. It was great to read this, and keep writing!
-regismare
thank you for reading