16+ Mature Content

Voices of the Ice: Chapter 3

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

The man lived exceptionally well – that much was obvious from the size of his gut. But apart from the drastic physical effects of heavy eating, the man was well-kept; his beard neatly trimmed, his long hair brushed and cleaned, his fur coat lavish and expensive-looking. He walked with confidence, flanked by a trio of hulking brutes wielding sharp cleavers made of thick, cold steel.

“You two the orphans my men told me about?” he asked in a strange, foreign accent.

June felt a painful burn in her stomach and forgot her words. She didn't know if it was the lack of food inside or the bloodthirsty marauders staring at her with hateful eyes, wielding such sharp weapons as if they were toys. “I uh—I’m sorry. Who are you again?”

The man scoffed, eying the three brutes in disbelief. “What? I only run the whole damn town and I’m still not recognizable? Does the name Lord Jack ring a bell with these kids?”

August and his sister both gasped in shock. They knew the man was important just by the looks of him – but they’d never imagined they’d ever stand face-to-face with the de-facto governor of Frostville himself. The leader of the Wolfgang.

“Lord Jack. I’m so sorry,” June quickly said. “I never even imagined—”

“Shut your mouth and let me do the talking,” Jack sneered. “Now. Considering how out of touch you two are with the fundamentals of Frostville, you may or may not know that I make a good deal of money by meeting some base needs of the men of this town.”

The orphans glanced briefly at each other, afraid to take their eyes off the man. June was startled, August not much so, but the both of them were rather confused as to what the man was getting at.

“And some men, well, some men like them a bit young,” Jack explained, a sudden uneasiness in his voice as he discretely contained disgust at the thought. “It isn’t exactly my preference, but, you know, business is business. Can't ever turn down an opportunity to make some serious gold.”
June cleared her throat, her heart pounding. She was incredibly nervous of speaking to such a powerful man, but disgusted with his proposition all the same. “And why are you asking us—”

“Do you not think I was about to get to that,” Jack hissed. “Speak out of turn one more time and that brother of yours is going to end up vanishing.”

August didn’t flinch.

“My last child pleasurer went up and missing,” Jack said. “It's a long story. But there’s an opening available. A heavy sack of gold each and every week, all you have to do is—”

“Have sex with a bunch of disgusting pigs?” August interrupted, venom in his voice. “Is that what you want us to do? Become prostitutes?”

Jack snarled. “I already told your sister, do not speak out of turn.”

“We're not desperate,” August cried. “You think because we're homeless that we'll just do what you say? And why don't you get someone your own age to do that sort of stuff? Creepy turd-gobbler. June is only fifteen-and-a-half. You want her to—”

“Shut up,” June responded with fear in her eyes and voice, finally silencing her brother. “Please, August. Those three thugs aren't messing around.”

Jack couldn't help but crack a smile. “You should listen to your sister. My instructions were easy; do not speak out of turn. If that's really so hard to understand, maybe all that gold can go to some other helpless children who would love to make some money.”

A lengthy silence followed. “Can I speak now?” June asked, trying to control her voice from trembling.

The suave criminal grinned. Brimming with confidence and egotism, he had this entire conversation planned out before it even happened. Denial would be failure, and he didn't understand the meaning of failure. “Yes. You can speak now. Are you kids in?”

June gulped. She knew she hated the idea as much as her brother did, and had no interest in fulfilling such vile pleasures for even viler people. Even if they did do the job, the orphans wouldn’t have been able to bring themselves to spend the dirty gold.

But something about this man had her tongue tied. She knew her answer, but had no idea how to respond. The brutes wielding cleavers did nothing to ease her mind. For a moment she stood there and hoped her grandmother would come out of her house behind them and talk this bad man away, tell them her grandchildren would never have to do such crude work to earn something to eat. Then maybe she'd invite them to stay the night.

But she knew that was a fantasy, and one she didn't really want that to happen, either. She had to close her eyes, suck in her breath, say something else. “That sounds like—”

“Thanks but no thanks,” August said. June took a deep breath in relief that her brother was so incredibly fearless. “We’re starving, but we’ll never stoop that low. Come on June, let’s go.”

The orphans started off, leaving Lord Jack at an utter loss for words. Never in a thousand years had he ever expected anyone to deny him anything anymore. His convoluted upbringing had made him wrathful, ruthless, and deathly afraid of losing. Denial was failure to him, and failure was an impossible to comprehend subject to him. Failure was like a knife through the heart for him.

And so the painful emotions associated with tremendous failure – uncomfortableness, frustration, sorrow and regret, they all came swirling to the criminal as the orphans disappeared through the snow. He clutched his temples and squeezed, his heart racing, his head was on fire. His brain was melting with the torturous sensations.

He fell to the knees and let out a bloodcurdling scream that grabbed the attention of his entire town.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Lightsong
Review

Hey, I'm here to review. :D

But apart from the drastic physical effects of heavy eating, the man was well-kept; his beard neatly trimmed, his long hair brushed and cleaned, his fur coat lavish and expensive-looking


I love your description of the man, but the last part (about his fur coat) is telling, but I guess readers can describe how it looks like.

The man scoffed, eying the three brutes in disbelief. “What? I only run the whole damn town and I’m still not recognizable? Does the name Lord Jack ring a bell with these kids?”


I like the juxtaposition here. Jack tries to act like a hot shot, but his dialogue tells otherwise. His fluster is believable and humorous.

They knew the man was important just by the looks of him – but they’d never imagined they’d ever stand face-to-face with the de-facto governor of Frostville himself. The leader of the Wolfgang.


I feel like the two sentences can be put together, the period changed with a comma.

base needs


'basic needs'

Oh my God. Initially, I thought 'men' is the noun used to describe 'people' in general, but I don't know it actually refers to, well, men, so when Jack says some of the men like them younger... urgh. Are we venturing into the part of prostitution? If so, this might be interesting, and saddening, because it seems like the kids are to get involved in it. Also, I notice you continue to touch on disturbing themes... e.e

I also like the different way June and August react to Jack's proposition. To their grandma, they're both opinionated, but to this guy, June is more cautious while August stays with his voicing his opinion. It shows how June knows better the danger of provoking these guys, and establishes why she's the older sibling.

For a moment she stood there and hoped her grandmother would come out of her house behind them and talk this bad man away, tell them her grandchildren would never have to do such crude work to earn something to eat. Then maybe she'd invite them to stay the night.


Aww, this is just so sad! Despite her gramma telling them clearly she doesn't want anything to do with them, she still can't help but to think gramma would help them in this situation. It just shows that in desperate moments, one would think about those who are close to one, or supposed to be close to.

Denial was failure to him, and failure was an impossible to comprehend subject to him.


Since you're making 'impossible to comprehend' an adjective to 'subject', you can just put them together to be 'impossible-to-comprehend', or if you want a less wordy word, you can just say incomprehensible. :P I'm sure now the story is told in third omniscient point of view, with a slight increase to the siblings.

And yes, I thought they'd be forced to join the prostitution, but it seems like the offer stands as an offer and not a demand. It's nice to see what you expected doesn't happen. xD It's also nice to see that despite being described as 'wrathful, ruthless', Jack doesn't choose to force them, and instead mourn of his own failure to persuade them.


I would say the description of his pain is too much, though. For one, yeah, he fails to persuade the siblings, but wouldn't he think to try again with another way and not easily admitting he's failing? That seems like a better action for someone like him to do. Also, if he thinks that the failure is permanent, would he show his fragile side to his underlings that easily, or would he do it in secret? Hmm, questions to ponder.

Overall, you've never failed to amaze me, and the chapter is solid once again. Keep up the good job! :D

User avatar
Sillia
Review
Sillia wrote a review · Wed Feb 08, 2017 1:15 am

Sillia here for a review!

Sorry to jump into a random part of the story :p If I have time I'll go back and read the other two chapters! I really liked the way you started this. A small part of description but not enough to be overwhelming.

The man scoffed, eying the three brutes in disbelief. “What? I only run the whole damn town and I’m still not recognizable? Does the name Lord Jack ring a bell with these kids?”


This part is kinda funny to me; I don't know if it should be (correct me if it shouldn't be xD) But anyway...that was necessary to the review! You missed the second e in eye. :p

Jack sneered. “Now. As you may or may not know, I make a good deal of money by having some base needs of the men of this town covered.”


Small critique here. I see where you're going with this but honestly it sounds kind of odd. "I make a good deal of money." it just feels weird to say out loud you know? My general thought is that if it sounds weird to say out loud than something should probable be changed. :P BUT that's me and you can obviously do what you want :) Your story!

He fell to the knees and let out a bloodcurdling scream that grabbed the attention of his entire town.


Thats..uh...an interesting reaction xD I'm assuming this is apart of his character? Either way its really interesting.

So thats the end of the story xD if you haven't noticed I tend to do my reviews while I read the story so sorry if it seemed kind of odd haha. Anyway I'm kinda disgusted by it but in a good way, like the characters were well written and the plot was well developed good way. it is really interesting and I think I'm going to go back and read the rest if I have time :)

Keep Writing,

Sillia



Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?
— Alison Billet