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Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Heartbeat Academy: Chapter 30

by tigeraye


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Diana sprinted out of the room as fast as she could, but deep within her heart, she knew there was no way she could outrun a gym teacher. Casey Johnson grabbed her shirt collar as she neared the midst of the hallway, his touch as cold as a block of ice, scalding the mute girl to the bone.

“Easy there, Saturn Girl,” Casey said with a sly chuckle, as he reached for the disposable camera in her hands, yanking it into his grasp with little force needed. “But we do have a little problem when you go into somebody's home without their permission. Just a little tiny one.”

Diana pouted, crossing her arms and shaking her head back and forth. “Guess it doesn't really matter all that much,” Casey added, motioning to the door they ran out of. “Going to have to come up with a way to kill you both, I don't own any guns. Oh, but take your clothes off first. Haven't ever gotten to sleep with two cute kids before. Man, been forever since I've had someone suck my—oh my God!”

His eyes widened and his jaw hit the floor when he saw who barged into the hall.

***

“Hey, Chuck, I’m curious,” I said, seated beside him on the bed in the cramped, boxed guestroom, not a television in sight. “What happened to the TV?”

“The TV in the living room?” Chuck responded, raising his eyebrows, a lost, blank look in his eyes. “Yeah. Grandpa broke it.”

“What’s the matter with Helmut...?”

“Alzheimer’s,” Chuck said. “He has Alzheimer’s.”

“Alzheimer’s…? What’s that?”

Chuck sighed. “It means that he forgets things. Like who his grandson is. And soon, he’ll probably forget who my mom is. Then he'll forget things like how to talk, how to eat...and even how to breathe. Before you ask, no, I don’t have a dad. He was killed in a mass shooting at a grocery store a few years ago…never got to say bye, either.”

“Life does that to you sometimes,” he added, rising from the bed and starting for the door. “I’ve never really understood religion. But maybe whoever is out there wants to make us miserable as possible, so that we look forward to dying.”

***

Dr. Sembagh stormed down the hall, his face reddening with a severe, torpid anger grown within. "Casey, you have got to be kidding me!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. “Kids! God, Casey! God! The greatest thing is, it's not even the murder part that I'm disturbed with...it's...the other thing!”

“What other thing?” Casey asked with a fake laugh, his face reddening, sweat beginning to faucet from every single pore in his shaking body. “I don't know what you're talking about, man!”

I just heard you, you idiot," Dr. Sembagh said, clutching his temples, noticing Bailey standing nervously on the other side of the hall. "When Diana kept bugging Mrs. Barnes and I that you took Bailey out and she didn't trust you, I thought it wasn't anything to worry about, but God, man. God. You two girls, come with me. Mrs. Barnes is waiting in the car. I’m getting Headmaster Barnes on the phone, and you’re going to be fired.”

"Y-you can't do that," Casey pleaded in a weak voice as Bailey wandered forward, grabbing Diana's hand, letting the mute girl guide her through the hall. "Get back here with these kids! I've got Brief Psychotic Disorder! You know what that is, Doctor! It comes and goes!”

Dr. Sembagh shook his head, continuing to lead the two teenagers out of the home. "I don't think so," he said. "I'm handling the hirings from now on. Goodbye forever, Casey Johnson."

***

That night, I heard someone knock on the guestroom door, and sat straight up. “You in there, Nelly?”

It was Helmut; his skin was wrinkly and his body was oily, but a genuine, friendly smile was on his face. “Got a minute? Wanted to talk to you.”

“Y-yeah,” I responded. “I can’t really sleep, anyway, so sure, why not? What did you want to talk about, though?”

He moved over to the bed and sat beside me. “Eh, well, you know, I keep having this weird dream where…you know. I'm talking to you. And you keep saying you're going to take me to the hospital. It kind of scares me. Did you know that I’ve never been in the hospital before?”

“What? You’re lying,” I laughed. “Must be that old man memory…”

“Old man memory? Why I oughta,” Helmut responded with a playful chuckle. “Well, I don’t even remember what my name is, or how to drink water anymore, so…anyway, nope! Make a liar out of me, go ahead – but I kid you not, I’ve never been to the hospital. And I’m a former marine sniper!”

“Former marine sniper? So you like, killed people?”

“Ah, don’t act so excited,” the old man said with regret in his voice. “World War Two. I killed six people. And I still see their faces when I try to sleep. You know that?”

“But you were fighting for the right cause," I reminded him.

“Yeah but—”

“So you should never feel bad about it,” I said. “Think of all the lives you saved of people you worked to free from those concentration camps, all the families you reunited. You did the right thing."

“Oh, that's a good point, that's a really good point. But killing is wrong!” He cried. “I’m wrong! I’m…confused.”

“Don’t be," I said. "I barely know you but…I think you’re a good person. Sometimes we have to do good things for bad reasons, and bad things for good reasons, right?”

Helmut shrugged, rising from the bed. “Well, if you say so, I guess I believe you. Good night, Nelly. Might see you soon.”

***

It was Thanksgiving afternoon, and I could hardly remember a day I had been more bored. Marion had been busy setting up the dinner table all morning, and she insisted that Chuck and I give her no help whatsoever. Meanwhile, Chuck got the duty of taking care of his grandfather, and he insisted that I gave him no help whatsoever.

That left me to do nothing all day long. The only television in the entire household was destroyed by Helmut. Meanwhile, there was nothing to read, either; no magazines or even a newspaper. In reality, I can definitely see why Chuck didn't want to be around this place.

“Alright, alright, time for dinner, everyone!” Marion bellowed, as I hurried into the kitchen quicker than the speed of sound. “Toby, you can eat as much as you’d like.”

“Wait, it’s just us four here?” I asked as I took my seat at the table. “Where’s the rest of the family?”

“Dead,” Chuck said from behind, taking me by surprise yet again. “Dad is dead, and the rest—”

“They’re not dead, they just…don’t like us,” Marion responded with a shrug.

I’ll give Marion Donald credit; the Thanksgiving dinner looked amazing. The table was topped with fresh bread, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, stove-top, green beans, biscuits, coleslaw, cranberries, corn and of course, turkey. Luscious, salivating, delicious smelling, turkey. It was a mouthwatering feast fit for a king, all homecooked fresh by a single soul.

“Well, Chuck?” Marion asked as she pulled her chair in towards the table, slightly tilting her head. “Where is your grandfather?”

“Upstairs,” Chuck anxiously said, staring unnervingly at the food spread out on the table as he took his seat. “He’s acting funny. I got him to take a nap.”

“Oh, here he comes,” I pointed out.

Helmut wandered into the kitchen, a lost look in his eyes, the entire left half of his face drooped over. “H-here I am,” he said, slurring his words, stumbling to his seat towards the side of the table.

Marion looked at him and smiled, then at Chuck and snarled. “So, Chuck, how are you liking life at the...Heartbeat Acaaaaademy,” she sarcastically said, grabbing a biscuit and taking a bite off into her mouth.

Chuck paused, looked at me, then at Helmut, and then at his mother. “It’s great, Mom. Really, really great,” he said.

“Great enough to abandon your family?” Marion asked, rolling her eyes.

“Mom—”

“Don’t mom me,” Marion said, rising to her feet, tossing the biscuit to the ground. “You know that I need you here! You and that old man right there? You’re the only family I’ve got!”

“Well then? What do you want me to do?” Chuck shouted, rising to his feet.

“G-guys…” Helmet muttered in a weak voice, his entire body trembling, sweat dripping from his droopy face.

“Drop out!” Marion yelled. “I need you to come home and help me take care of your grandfather! He's got Alzheimer's, for Christ's sake. Do you not want to spend time with him before he dies? At least help me pay the bills! I can hardly do it on my own anymore!”

“I never asked you to live here!” Chuck fired back. “If the rent is too expensive, then just move! That’s it! Move out of here!”

“Oh, you and your big mouth!” Marion belted. “You've changed since I saw you last! I don't like change.”

“You two...n-need...to...s-stop...” Helmut muttered again. “Woo. Feel a little bit dizzy over here...”

“So what if I have changed!” Chuck shouted.

“I should knock you out right now!” Marion shouted back.

“What about the future?" Chuck asked. “If I leave the academy, I won’t get to graduate, and I won’t get to have a better life. Don’t you want that? A better life for me and my kids? Your grandkids?”

“You guys…!” Helmut interrupted.

What?” Chuck and Marion yelled simultaneously, turning towards the ailing elder.

Helmut shook and shiver, as saliva dripped out of his fumbling lips. “I’ve got a real bad headache,” he said.

His eyes rolled to the back of his brain as mountainous drool dripped from off his chin. With a loud thump, his head hit the dinner table.


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Sun Jan 31, 2016 2:41 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello and happy review day once again! :D

This chapter also left me a bit puzzled because so many different things happened. We've talked about things like this before I believe that a lot went on and there wasn't as much time to develop each individual part. My gut is telling me you may not even need this whole Coach subplot. It felt kind of thrown in to make the novel more exciting, but I don't think you need it. There's already a lot going on in the story and you already have a lot of exciting and interesting components. I've also mentioned before that the main plot line is a little difficult to decipher, and I think some of your subplots are becoming distractions from the main plot and you want the subplots to add. So I would consider taking out all of this Coach business and instead focus on the main plot - Toby.

Casey Johnson grabbed her shirt collar as she neared the midst of the hallway, his touch as cold as a block of ice, scalding the mute girl to the bone.

There are some funny wording things in here. "Midst of the hallway" - I think you meant "middle"? And then his touch is cold as ice and yet it scalds her? That doesn't compute for me.

"Easy there, Saturn Girl," Casey said

Where did this nick-name come from? I was going to mention this in the last chapter but then I didn't do nit-picks. "Casey" threw me off because I couldn't remember who that was. I don't think he's ever been referred to in that way before. If you want to call him Casey, fine but I would pair it with Coach so we remember easier.

Oh, but take your clothes off first. Haven't ever gotten to sleep with two cute kids before. Man, been forever since I've had someone suck my—oh my God!"

I could have mentioned this on the other chapter too, but I would bump the rating of these chapters up. Some readers would find this subject matter disturbing and wouldn't want to stumble across it. The YWS rating guide can be found here.

“Hey, Chuck, I’m curious,” I said, seated beside him on the bed in the cramped, boxed guestroom, not a television in sight. “What happened to the TV?”

I would start this off with a bit more description so the dialogue doesn't feel so out of the blue. Where is he, what is around him, show me this TV situation before they start talking about it so I have a frame of reference.

“It means that he forgets things. Like who his grandson is. And soon, he’ll probably forget who my mom is. Then he'll forget things like how to talk, how to eat...and even how to breathe. Before you ask, no, I don’t have a dad. He was killed in a mass shooting at a grocery store a few years ago…never got to say bye, either.”

Loved the Alzheimer description. The bit about the dad felt a bit out of the blue. You could beef up this dialogue and this scene with more of Toby's reactions to this information. How does he feel about it? What's going through his mind? Remember, this is Toby's story so I want lots and lots of Toby.

“Life does that to you sometimes,” he added, rising from the bed and starting for the door. “I’ve never really understood religion. But maybe whoever is out there wants to make us miserable as possible, so that we look forward to dying.”

This also felt kind of random and like some of those other bits I've mentioned in previous chapters - like these bold comments to end a chapter. You don't need em :)

"When Diana kept bugging Mrs. Barnes and I that you took Bailey out and she didn't trust you,

Read this bit out loud. There's some funny wording in there.

I've got Brief Psychotic Disorder! You know what that is, Doctor! It comes and goes!"

This confused me. I'm not sure what "it" is when he says "it comes and goes". What comes and goes? His pedophilia? Brief Psychotic Disorder is given when someone has a psychotic episode (meaning delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech, and/or catatonic behavior) for no more than a month and then return to prior functioning. If you have more than one psychotic episode a different psychotic disorder diagnosis would be warranted.

“Think of all the lives you saved of people you worked to free from those concentration camps, all the families you reunited. You did the right thing."

But as a sniper, he didn't do any of these things.
What is the point of this whole conversation? I never quite grasped what the grandfather wanted or what his motivation was for coming to see Toby.

And then we had Thanksgiving. I found the conversation between Chuck and his mom interesting. I'm wondering why Chuck goes to the Academy and why his mom pays for it if she doesn't want him there. (Or else how does he pay for it?) The Thanksgiving bit was the most interesting part of the chapter, especially with the cliff hanger there at the end.

I found the Bailey/Coach scenes to be distracting in this chapter and I think you could combine this chapter with the one before it. Toby goes home with Chuck (for x reason). Then a good long scene of him getting to know the family. Then Thanksgiving when all of this stuff goes down. I think that would make things tighter, cleaner and easier to follow.

I'll leave things there for now, but please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing, and I'll see you in the next chapter! :D




tigeraye says...


thanks for the feedback. I think I'm going to put all your reviews in one document so I have them in one spot when I put together a real final draft...the Coach Johnson scene, looking ahead, I feel is important as to where the story is headed...but if you still feel it doesn't a few chapters down, let me know...

I went and upped the ratings for this chapter and the last to 16 too...



Carlito says...


Awesome! I'll keep the Coach Johnson stuff in the back of my mind as we continue :)



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Sun Jan 31, 2016 1:58 pm
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Songmorning wrote a review...



I had to take a break after the last chapter, but I think I'm ready to pick it up again. As I entered this chapter, an inexplicable feeling came over me. I don't know what's going to happen...

The way Casey's talking at the beginning is interesting to me--that crass, nasty way that seems so out-of-character for him. I mean, it's not out-of-character in a bad way, but in another way, it is. It reminds me of the way I speak to myself in my heart--or the way tempting demons speak to me--when I've made a decision to shut out God , and shut out Jesus, and choose sin. Y'know? And, in one way, maybe we've never known him until now, but in another way, maybe this is truly not like him. Because sin doesn't bring out who a person truly is; it's a detriment to who they truly are. It drags people away from who they were created to be and takes away their uniqueness. I still hurt for Casey, and I hope he'll have a redemption.

“Alzheimer’s,” Chuck said. “He has Alzheimer’s.”

And right away you're going to grab my heart with another issue that's very close to it. And one I'm sure a lot of people will be able to connect to. I have a very dear friend who has Alzheimer's. I used to see her a lot before I went to Russia, and she would usually remember me (though not my name or anything we'd done together). But after I came back from Russia and went to see her, she didn't remember who I was at all...And for Chuck, with his grandpa, it must be even worse. I've thought a lot about how I would feel if one of my grandparents got Alzheimer's and forgot all our wonderful experiences together. It would hurt.

Yeah, Casey freaking needed to be fired. I don't know what his redemption is going to involve, but it's not keeping his job. And, Oh my gosh, I love you, Dr. Sembagh! I love the sharp and decisive way he dealt with that, and the way he was deeply disturbed by it to the point of partially losing his composure. I love how sometimes the sharpest and most unlikeable characters can act with the most decisiveness when a punishment is called for, and though Sembagh has many flaws too, he's gained my respect today. I certainly don't feel safe for Bailey and Diana yet, but I feel safer now that Sembagh knows about the subject.

I just looked up Brief Psychotic Disorder too, and I think Sembagh was right to show skepticism of it. I do think Casey must have some mental disorders, but not that one. Not after everything he revealed to Bailey--like how he used to be involved in human trafficking. I think he just threw that one out as an attempt to keep his job.

Well, I don’t even remember what my name is, or how to drink water anymore,

I don't think someone who has advanced enough Alzheimer's to not remember how to drink water would be aware of that fact enough to mention it in conversation. Although people with Alzheimer's do have spells of awareness like that where they remember that they can't remember, when that happens, they become very frightened and confused. I don't think he would just throw those two facts out when he's in a good mood.
(If you want to study a really accurate portrayal of Alzheimer's disease, I recommend watching the movie "Still Alice".)

So, in this conversation with Helmut, his strong denial that he had ever been to a hospital struck me as realistic, and so did confused exclamation that he was "wrong", and his strong memory of long past events that had a great impression on him. But the conversation overall didn't feel to me like a conversation with someone who has Alzheimer's--especially advanced enough Alzheimer's that he's recognizing Toby as...who I'm assuming was his wife, Nelly. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think he seemed too lucid. Do you have much experience talking to people with Alzheimer's? (I'm really sorry if you have...maybe you have a relative with the disease. I don't mean to be presumptuous.) I might be able to give a few pointers, but for something like this, advice can't replace experience.

“They’re not dead, they just…don’t like us,” Marion responded with a shrug.

Oh my. :(

stuffing, stove-top,

Wait, is "stove top" a separate dish from "stuffing", or are we talking about "Stove-Top Stuffing" here? :P

Helmut wandered into the kitchen, a lost look in his eyes, the entire left half of his face drooped over. “H-here I am,” he said, slurring his words, stumbling to his seat towards the side of the table.

STROKE. A stroke is happening. Someone freaking call an ambulance! What are you guys doing just sitting there?

Oh my gosh, you have a way of ending every chapter with a bang. This is horrible! Man, I feel really bad for Chuck. He was introduced to us as such an upbeat character, but everything in his life is just so painful. Everyone's either died or abandoned them, his mom feels so alone, and is pressuring him to leave school, and now even his grandpa might die. And if Helmut doesn't die, what then? He'll have lost even more abilities from the stroke, and he'll still have severe Alzheimer's...Despite the names Marion was calling him, she still hadn't sent him to a nursing home, and she was still calling him "family". Maybe she was just particularly at her wit's end at that first scene...because it was a really caring gesture to keep him at home...but now they have no choice but to send him to a nursing home...

Another stellar chapter, Tigeraye, but it was fortunately also a little less groundshaking than the last one, giving me a bit of an emotional break...




tigeraye says...


thanks for feedback. yeah, you're right, I don't have any experience actually talking to anyone with Alzheimer's. think I'll rework the Helmut character by basing him off of someone who actually has the condition, not my own imagination



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Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:45 am
tigeraye says...



my goal is to get the next two chapters up by monday if the weather doesn't ko the power, then that will more than likely be it until may or so...would like to focus on class and a novella im working on separately





We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare