what do you expect me to do, when i cant get through?
i cant go back to the past, but i cant be last.
try helping me, you need to see.
i need some more, just don't walk out the door.
whats wrong with me, i'm losing who i want to be.
it's like there's something broken inside, something that's trying to hide.
i'm broken inside, i need someone beside.
someone who knows me, and will let me be and see.
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140,390 Literary Works • 673,150 Reviews
Timmy here for a quick review!
Onto your review, though!
My goodness! I said I would review it, and then I completely forgot! Oops! I hope I am not in too big of trouble!
Nitpicks
I would say that my biggest nitpick is that this isn't separated out into individual stanzas in neat order, but more like it was just thrown onto the page. Putting formatting in your poem will greatly help the reader, especially when it comes to the flow and ease of reading.
Favorite and Style
I am loving your style of writing poetry, really. It rhymes, but without that distinct way of rhyming... I admit that the first time I read it I didn't see the rhyming or read it... I didn't know it was there at all. It blended in so well! Great job on that!
Something that might help you get more readers(maybe) is to put a genre in your work. In this case, probably dramatic and... romantic? I dunno.
This is a very sad poem, but hopeful at the same time... I love that! I hope you find someone who knows you.
Great job on this poem! I hope I see more from you soon!
~Timmyjake
Great poem! It was really good. I wrote a poem too called broken. You should check it out!(: I liked yours. It was powerful. I was intrigued. I like how you didn't over use the work broken. I was able to understand why the titles name was broken. This person clearly was left. Their heart broken. Their heart shattered. The persons words are incredible. They help us understand and, helps put ourselves in their position. Great piece young writer!(:
thank you
ill check yours out
Hello! I'm Luka, and I'm here to review your poem!
For starters, I was singing this in my head while reading it, which is something I do with a lot of poems. It's just a habit.
On another note, I really liked this work. It's a perfect example of what might be going on in the mind of a person that's broken on the inside. <3
There was one thing that bugged me. Even though I know you did it to keep an aabb rhyme scheme throughout the poem, it caused you to leave out words that could have made the meaning of the poem clearer to the person reading it.
Overall, I liked this poem a lot! I really hope you continue to write more poems! *And stories! Well, technically a poem is a story, because it tells the reader a story...*
Keep Writing,
Luka
thanks for the feedback luka