If you choose to walk away, walk away.
Don't dare stop nor turn around
Nor give me that look of anticipation
Saying your promises of coming back
Because you won't
I know you won't
For burnt ashes can't be made fire twice
nor spoken words can be disremembered.
It's funny how people believe in countless chances
How children become fools on a sleight of hand
How you uttered sweet decrees yet swallowed by your own irony
And leave me pitch blacked for you found another sanctuary.
You may think that I would stay still, I'll stay still
Watching you soar or hoping you'll come home
But sorry to disappoint you, I won't be that girl
Who chains up her heart to a graveyard of bones
Despicable it seemed like your egocentric judgement
But I was born tamed from a ravenous cavern
Where martyrs a delicacy, and emotions are puppeteers
Sets you up in a maze that no one could return
Time was encouraging, even the trials
For they taught me to be blind from hoping you'll lose
Or be stupid enough to chase me and our dreams
The once we used to shared
When you were sitting next to me
I might be one of a million to you
A good catch to reserve
once you're already through
And rejected by the ones
You momentarily pursue
For you knew the great fact
I was deeply in love with you.
Guess I should throw the keys to my door
And leave this old town
filled with entity and sorrow
'Cause unlike others
I won't stay to hold on
'Cause unlike you
I would go and move on.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
I don't have much to say, just a few things to maybe fix. First off,
"For burnt ashes can't be made fire twice"
I don't know if that was on purpose or not, but I would just add "Into" I think it makes it flow a little easier, but it's up to you.
"For burnt ashes can't be made into fire twice"
"And leave the old town" I would add "this" into it.
"And leave this old town"
Again, it's up to you.
This poem is great. It gives encouragement to people who might be struggling to move on from something. Really amazing!
thanks for the review.
I am no expert on poetry, but I couldn't not review this. You had me hooked right away from the very first word. This poem really tugged at my heartstrings and the last line was pure perfection if I do say so myself. Each word held so much emotion within it and was just beautiful. That's all I can really say. Keep writing
thank you so much.
Hello, I'm here to review your poem! I definitely enjoyed reading it and I can sense the rhythm in it.
In your first stanza,
was a bit too choppy to match the rest of the poem. The last two lines were absolutely amazing though!
In your second stanza, the first two lines were nice except "it's funny" is a bit weak and could be modified to something stronger. And
here was a bit unclear, especially the "yet". I'm kind of confused about what was swallowed.
I like the way you worked the imagery in stanza four, but the flow wasn't good in stanza five and six. The last stanza had a little flow problem in the first three lines. The last four lines, though, were very strong and I think you ended the poem on a strong note.
Overall, this poem was written very well and I liked the resolution of the narrator of the poem to turn away from an imaginary world and plunge into reality. Keep writing
Sincerely,
Princess Ink
thanks for the review.