This story will never change.
Searching the world for this feeling.
Hurting, shards of my broken heart,
Falling through the empty void.
This story will be the same.
Searching relentlessly, never finding.
Hurting yet again, never healing.
Falling eternally, never learning.
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140,525 Literary Works • 673,325 Reviews
Heya!! Wonderful poem!! I've actually written something longer that's almost like this...
The only thing that this needs is punctuation!!! There is no punctuation *tsks*, go through it and punctuate!! Unless it's all one sentence....
Keep writing,
Alzora
Actually I think I get it. The each of the lines in the first stanza relate to the lines in the second stanza i.e. where it says searching the world for this feeling in the first stanza in the second stanza you refer back to the thought by saying searching relentlessly, never finding. In other words, like the first line says nothing's changing. It feels like the voice in this poem is experiencing a stagnet part of his/her life, where nothing is going well for him/her. In the third line of the first stanza it says hurting, broken shards of my heart which leads me to think that either this person has had quite a few break ups, which could mean that he/she is convinced that no matter what this pattern will continue. Or it could mean that this person is constantly turned down by the people he/she has fallen for maybe they keep being put into the friend zone or maybe the person they like just hasn't looked at them.
My advice for this poem would be to specify more. I can tel by the words that the person in this passage is experiencing some pain well describe to me how this pain feels. You say your heart is shattered give me a specific reason why. And it be nice, although it's not necessary, if you specified what gender the voice is. Anyway, I can tell there's passion here and I can tell that there's a need to express now I what we need is for you to give us some detail. Take advantage in the actual art of the craft of writing.
Overall, not bad.
Hi Theotherone! Welcome to the Young Writers' Society! I hope you'll get some good reviews here, and I can see you've already started reviewing, yourself! Nice work!
I like this poem a lot. I don't see anything technically wrong, and that's always a good thing! However, I would like to see more on the story, itself. Yes, your heart was broken, but why? How? Who did it? You give us great imagery, and we understand it, for the most part, but there is nothing really to back it up.
Also, in the first stanza, each line seems a bit random. Maybe you could find some way to tie them together into a sentence.
Overall, great work! I'd like to see more of your writing!
- Abigail