The Mighty Have Fallen- Chapter 1

King Here
Hello there. I am going to check and try to help with this work.
The topic is very emotional and heartbreaking but still a very simple one.
It depends on are you able to put out the good way to talk about the certain topic. You haddone it well overall and this is my trully honest opinion here. I think you have used a very good grammar and your punctuation is totally on point so I do not have the right to argue about it at all now. Only several stuff that may be corrected or double checked. Also, for the ending, I am kind of in agreement with the previous reviewer. It needs to be more deep and sad because of the whole decribtion of the death. Still, the part in which Emory goes home really felt emotional because she is dead and this means only sadness will come after this news are heard.

“what happened to all your guns and medals? Can we see those?”

I think I found it on some other places also. You need to start with a capital letter at the beginning.

I was born my Mom had kept everything I’d ever owned,

You can say 'Mom' when you are talking to her or talking about her alone but 'my Mom' I think needs to be 'my mom'.

Because war is not some competition.

Some is used in postivie sentence not in negative ones. Put maybe 'any kind of'.
I think it is more acceptable this way.

I was with her when she’d died.

When to use died and when to use had died is a mistake that sometimes we just do not reaize and we use the wrong one in the wrong place and time.
Example: He had died before they called him.
He died after they had called him.
He died as they called him to check where he is.
In the first sentence the death had come before the call. The action that had happened first before every other in the sentence is in past pefect ( had + 3th form of verb ) tense.
You do not have any other event or action that had happened before of after her death. You can not use 'had died' in this situation. The death happens in the same time as when you are with her. There is not action before another action. Use the simple past tense.

..the bastard Kim Jong-Un surrendered and shot himself and his wife and child in the face to avoid any punishment for what they’d done.

You use and too much in this sentence.
Examples: He ate the pies, three apples and two bananas.
He ate the pies and three apples, and two bananas.
He ate two bananas and three apples, and one strawberry, and one more apple after that.
The last example is the same ordering as your sentence. You need comma before 'and child'.


Keep on writing and hope to see your improvement.

I'm not going to review it on the basis of grammar.Because you are good at it.
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A really touching and a meaningfull story.Not so long,not so short.
But still,it wasn't the perfect version of this story.You can make it better by editing it.
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like here,in the ending

In the end we still made it to Pyongyang, and in the end, the bastard Kim Jong-Un surrendered and shot himself and his wife and child in the face to avoid any punishment for what they’d done. In the end Emory got to go home to her man that she’d told me all about.

You have chosen such a serious topic to describe,which includes death,ferocity,emotions.etc
Your ending sounds like"all were happy,prince met her princess,all were dancing,happy ending".
Why it sounds like this? may be,this part needed better vocabulary,may be it was too quick,try and find out.
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Else it was good.
keep writing!