Published August 25, 2007
I've never written a story and I'm writing this as I go, so please don't go to hard on me. tell me if you like it
One sunny afternoon in a forest abundant with animals a squirrel climbed up an old tree and walked onto a skinny branch, but the branch was not strong enough to hold the squirrel. The branch broke off of the tree and the squirrel was sent sprawling towards the ground.
“Not again,” the squirrel said to himself.
The squirrel’s name is Jacob. He’s used to falling from trees and tripping on bark. Once, Jacob put too many nuts in his mouth and he choked on them.
As you’ve probably figured out he’s very clumsy, because of this Jacob was made fun of at school and Jacob’s parents were very ashamed of him
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141,255 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
You started pretty good. Basically everybody already said what I was going to say. Finish it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As everyone else has said, you start out pretty well. You've introduced a few things here: the character's name, what he's like, and a possible conflict.
So now you have to figure out where to go from here. You might, for example, write about a single day at school. All the squirrels are on a branch when all of a sudden it breaks. Most of them make it off just fine, but one little squirrel is left hanging on for dear life. Everyone is too scared to rescue the little squirrel. However, Jacob falls all the time, and so he's not really scared of falling anymore. So he ends up making his way cautiously to the little squirrel and manages to rescue him.
That's just an example and I'm sure you can improve on it or make something better up
Anyways, good luck!
ok it looks like a difficult plot to have but i hope it turns out well!!and stuff_
timea already got the mistakes, so nice Z_
Omg! Hey Jared!
You wrote something!
Well, besides what they said, I'll point out some grammar errors.
You need a comment under 'animals' and 'a'.
Ok. Mr.Krall's Grammar Class (you'll get all his grammar lessons soon enough). You need a comma between 'tree' & 'and'.
Another thing. You need to lessen the use of the word 'squirrel'. Add pronouns in.
You need a peroid at the end of the sentence. Plus, it's a run-on.
I'm sorry if I was too hard, but you need to fix up the grammar. It's easier to crit that way if you do, Jared.
Can't wait for the ending. lol
~Timea
It's dangling, dangling! What's dangling? The ending! So far, this looks good, and what little there is flows well.
This is too long. Start a new sentance after ... walked along a skinny branch.
Oh My Gosh...Dude, you have to write more! Like, this is a good start to introduce stuff, like Snoink said, but now you've got me wanting to know about the squirrel. So yeah...
Can't wait.
Aw.... this isn't quite a proper story yet. You introduced your character and the conflict, so now you need to have a conclusion! What happens at the end?
Good luck on writing more!