Published March 23, 2006
I wrote this, cause i was bored. and Just wanted to write something.. Just wondering what yall think of this, and if anyone cares to hear more. it was fun writting it 
Titlte : none
"
Relevance in his string of words slapped together with ignorance, would be obvious in the days to come
but this day, this initial warning would be perceived as a fatuous display of a sidewalk sermon.
His wordy, ill conceived sentences made not the slightest impact on the passing
emotionless people that wondered from street corner to street corner.
"Tolerate, Appreciate, Engage the Lords blessed surroundings, these Conceptions us
people graze bask fully each day maybe short lived providing yous'a don't see,
open your eyes, and witness the true ground we'z stand on and all its wonder, before you can see no more."
That intrepid, yet weak
voice rang out through the neon lit streets of New York."
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137,884 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well this is an interesting. For a one paragraph piece, it actually manages to stand on its own quite remarkably here. I think you've managed to do an excellent job as far as that is concerned here. I certainly find myself satisfied at the end of it and that's just quite rare when it comes to piece of this particular size here.
I love how you manage to really provide a life for this character despite it being such a little amount of time that we actually spend with them. You sort of highlight what their goal in life is and how they generally are like so precisely there with just those few statements and of course the undercurrent of humor that runs through this whole situation definitely doesn't hurt matters here.
I think you've really managed to sell this piece quite well here. Given just how simple it is you've really managed to capture a powerful bit of essence here into this piece, because there is a little something to be gained even beyond just the humor if you think a little deeper.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
*joins the bandwagon*
I second Snoink, one hundred and ten percent.
I'm willing to live up to my self proclaimed title - the deranged write, at your service.
I woke up this morning, to someone literally stabbing my dreams, lol. Apparently, one of my historical characters was not pleased and important information has been lost, due to the fact he'll will be playing a major role in 1770. Since Bostonians despise this man with a passion, I'll have to re-write to properly distinguish his role in American History.
So, going back what to Snoink said, I wouldn't have considered a re-write this morning, if one my characters did not tell me so and I use tell, loosely, lol, if you know what I mean.
Weird? Well, at first when you hear that 'little voice', yes, I guess it's strange when you have a figure speak to you mentally. However, don't ignore it. The most intriguing characters are the ones that haunt you, unexpectedly. They want you to write their story and refuse to leave you alone until it is finished. Heh, that's when writing becomes interesting.
The best conversations I've had is when two or more of my characters clash. Arguments, fights, swearing; great stuff, lol. At the point, I must write, just to shut them up, lol.
Creating a char is great fun and eventually, you'll see what Snoink and I mean. Right now, you're probably thinking we're both insane, which is fine and dandy. Remember; all writers are a tad strange.
Sorry for the rambling but I'm generally long-winded.
I know this sounds insane, but the character who is most wiling to "talk" with you should always be your main character.
Oh dear... I'm going to sound very crazy.
When you write a story, you're going to have a bunch of characters dancing in your head. They will literally force you to write their story, even if you don't want to. Sometimes they scream, sometimes they just ignore you, and sometimes... well, they can vary a lot from person to person.
Whoever is the character who will come up to you and say, "This is my story, so tell it now or else I'll stab you with a spork" is generally the character you want to use as the viewpoint. Why? Because if you start to draw a blank, that character will come up to you and "talk" some more.
Perhaps I seem like a lunatic, but this is what I think of when I choose characters.
Hi fishr, thanks for the comment, i appreciate it
I know there isnt much of a plot behind this paragraph, I think of it as an preintro introduction. I know what you mean by fortune cookie:) .. In my head, This tells myself so much, because in my head, I know what this story is about, and who the characters are.
I should have introduced my idea behind this paragraph,
I wrote this with an idea of, Science Fiction: a "end of the world" story, with a 3 day timeline.
The character, some one i imagined as a hobo, who new the end was near. His quote, i wanted the character to seem
"ignorant" Using words that probably dont make the most since.
Now the narrator, I dont know who is telling the story here, and i often have trouble finding the character i want to tell the story. Something im hoping YWS can help me with
Thank you for your comment
I must commend you on your vocabulary and it's always nice when having fun while writing, reading or even watching a movie. If you're not enjoying yourself, why bother, right?
Writing is an art and there is no mistaken that. Like all art, it needs to be molded, perfected and practiced.
As for your story, I'm going to be totally honest here. The story has no plot or structure; nothing. First, who is speaking to us? I mean who is the narrator? Does the character have a name? As for the story itself, frankly, it makes no sense.
I'm reading a fortune cookie. What I mean by this is, as it stands, the story just has a bunch of 'vocab words' mixed in. I understand the meaning of each and every one separately but it appears like they were just tossed in random spots, thus confusing me as the reader.
Every great story has at least one conflict. Unless I missed it, this story doesn't show conflicts, so already it's a tad unappealing.
What can you do to improve?
I highly, highly suggest to slow down and re-read what you wrote. Does it make sense to you because I'm confused at the moment.
If nothing else, try this:
Give your character a name -
Now, give him something he desires. What does he want most out of life? And why?-
What is preventing this character from achieving his desire or goal in life?
Conflict(s)?
By answer those question, at least you have something written on paper and you can hopefully incorporate your new found character and his personalities/ quirks in your story, thus give the story a backbone.
Keep working hard! Hope you enjoy your stay here and welcome aboard.