Beautiful leaves of vibrant colors fall
And swing in the wind with grace like a swan.
They collect gently into piles so tall
That the green grass is hidden on the lawn.
Children run and the leaves crunch at their feet.
They laugh as they jump into the huge piles
And know that this season cannot be beat
As they gladly run on for miles and miles…
They climb up onto the bare, lonely trees
Giving them a very friendly welcome,
Rising higher with neglected grazed knees
And not stopping until their feet go numb.
When the day ends they happily walk away,
Eager to meet them again the next day.
***
Constructive criticism, please!
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Canary word: Present
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Really great attempt at a sonnet! I think that these, apart from cinquains, are one of the hardest 'set' forms of poetry to write in.
You've done a great job with, uh, respecting the iambic pentameter, but unfortunately that's caused some of the rhymes to appear as 'forced'. For example:
An iambic pentameter was created to sound similar to human speech - when we speak, one syllable tends to go down, and another tends to go up, unless we are putting specific emphasis on something (or droning, as I'm doing now.
I understand that a sonnet's rhyming scheme goes a-b-a-b, but the words naturally tumble into each other. Here, they don't - it's as if you've attempted to force two seperate things together, connected simply by the 'a' or 'b' at the end of the line. I know, I know, I must sound terribly harsh - but I'm trying my best to explain what I'm trying to say without coming across as picky, or deluded. *laughs* Forgive me if I've upset you. *hugs*
Anyway, that's me done. There's only so much you can write about twelve lines - even Shakespeare has his limits. With me - zero. *smirks* Lovely sonnet, if you ever write another please PM me! ^_^
Bye-de-bye!
Teenweirdo,
Maybe you could put 'crunch under their feet'? I think that would make itsound better.
I liked it! I agree, autumn is such a beautiful season. Except the raking isn't so fun (:
Good job, keep up the good work.
-Freak
i cant rreally construct very much cause this was really good
but at the end you should add 2 more lines to go along with the rythm of the poem
and when you said, swan, that stood out to me like it shouldnt be there
so yeah thats it pretty much , it was good, i lovet owrite things about the outdoors too, especiaaly fall!! =D