Really great attempt at a sonnet! I think that these, apart from cinquains, are one of the hardest 'set' forms of poetry to write in.
You've done a great job with, uh, respecting the iambic pentameter, but unfortunately that's caused some of the rhymes to appear as 'forced'. For example:
And know that this season cannot be beat
An iambic pentameter was created to sound similar to human speech - when we speak, one syllable tends to go down, and another tends to go up, unless we are putting specific emphasis on something (or droning, as I'm doing now.
). This sentence is near impossible to say without thinking that something is missing - something isn't quite right. Can you see what I mean?
I understand that a sonnet's rhyming scheme goes a-b-a-b, but the words naturally tumble into each other. Here, they don't - it's as if you've attempted to force two seperate things together, connected simply by the 'a' or 'b' at the end of the line. I know, I know, I must sound terribly harsh - but I'm trying my best to explain what I'm trying to say without coming across as picky, or deluded. *laughs* Forgive me if I've upset you. *hugs*
Anyway, that's me done. There's only so much you can write about twelve lines - even Shakespeare has his limits. With me - zero. *smirks* Lovely sonnet, if you ever write another please PM me! ^_^
Bye-de-bye!
Points: 890
Reviews: 45
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