naïve
like a sheep to the slaughter
and the snow is now red
oh my
i missed this feeling
bringing light to the problem
and making you anew
maybe i lost a friend
but i feel like i have won
thriving
throw your cares aside
as once you leave me behind
the garden
and the flowers
will start
thriving
thriving
the sky is hued
and the water is clear
and you find yourself
thriving
thriving
all the wilting has ended
the thriving has begun
to undo your loss
and undo your fears
as you find yourself
thriving
thriving
starstruck
i saw you there
the light cascading
the birds harmonious
and i knew you were the one
maybe i was starstruck
or maybe it was just
obssesion.
thats the feeling.
when i saw you that day
i knew you were mine
i knew that i should watch you
every day
every night
memorizing you
and memorizing this feeling
maybe the heat that day got to me
maybe the lack of people there was enticing
but now your mine
but now your mine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOTES:
collection two!
thriving is part two of wilting
naive is partially related to toxic
starstruck is just about obsession
and also because i felt like writing something unsettling
:D
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138,246 Literary Works • 672,090 Reviews
Sorry, this is a really short review.
I look at the Green Room every day to see if there's something new I would like to read, and yet somehow I missed this collection of poems. :| Well, at least I found it now!
I really liked your first collection, and I like how this collection kind of goes off of the first collection. Like how Thriving is a sequel to Wilting, I totally got that even before I read your notes! I love how the narrator didn't wilt for long but instead started growing as soon as the other person left, instead of wilting more. Triumph!
The only issue I had is that I, personally, found it hard to understand the 'oh my' line in your first poem, Naïve. It just sounded out of place to me and I had to read the poem a second time to really grasp what I read, but that's just because I read it wrong the first time. :)
I like this collection and am wondering if you will write a third collection. If you do, I would love to read it. I really enjoy your style of poetry writing.
Hey tea! I am going to review your poem using the YWS S'more Method today!
At this moment in real life, you are watching me review this so yeah.
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I haven't read the first collection yet, but I will try to do that soon.
The first poem I think is about a person who says that someone is naive and has a really bad friend I think??
The second poem is one about thriving and living and how things grow (🎵 wE sAy LeT iT gRoW🎵)
The third poem is a super creepy poem about a stalker who is obsessed with someone, and like you said, they have kidnapped them and that's super dark.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
Something I noticed is that in the last two lines of the last poem, you said "now your mine" but it should be "now you're mine," so it would change the meaning, and it also flows weirdly. You forgot??? Oh my goodness tea. Please remember that apostrophes exist.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I liked how you used metaphors and repetition to bring out the meaning of the poem. There's a lot of emotion in the poems that you wrote really well, and it engages the reader. The poems were overall well written.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Ultimately, these poems were really meaningful and emotional. I will read and maybe review your first collection of poems at some point in time. I hope this review was helpful, and see you in real life.
I WILL STALK YOUHappy Writing!
curtsies
thanks
yeah ill change gthe grammar
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Let's get right into it and get into the review of these three poems:
(GREETING & INTRODUCTION)
Hey friend!! Ellie here again for a review of your wonderful poetry
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - my impressions / interpretation)
Disclaimer, poetry can be interpreted many different ways and these are just the ways that I personally connected to your poems
Poem 1: Naive
This poem seems to explore innocence. As if transforming from innocence (perhaps as a child) to maturity (as an adult). A sheep going to slaughter is often used as a metaphor to explain someone who is unsuspecting or naive to a situation. The snow suddenly turning red could symbolize a sudden awakening or realization of something. The second stanza of this poem seems to have a newfound awareness of understanding of reality. The speakers seems to miss this feeling. This could be from growing up and/or gaining knowledge. The sentence "Bringing light to the problem and making you anew" seems to suggest that the speaker has began a journey f overcoming this obsatcle in their life. Maybe they lost a friend or someone important to them along the way?
Poem 2: Thriving
This poem seems to be centered around overcoming obstacles, or thriving. Finding a sense of renewal in life, perhaps? We are encouraged to throw our cares aside and possibly leave behind other things, like a bad relationship. The garden begins to thrive, representing a fresh start and progression. This poem seems more optimistic and happy.
Poem 3: Starstruck
This poem seems to dive into feelings of obsession. The speaker descrives being starstruck by another person. There are phrases like "light cascading" and "birds harmonius" that seem to convey beauty attached to this person. The speaker understands that their feelings may be an obsession, but they feel a strong desire to watch this person and memorize every aspect of them. This poem explores intense attachment, emotion, and feelings bordering obsession, which could be incredible but also harmful.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - include specific suggestions)
your poetry is lovely. i love your writing style and i dont think you need to change anything. if i were to offer critiques for how it could overall be more engaging, poetically speaking, i would recommend more vivid imagery if you want, helping us understand a setting. maybe describe who they are watching and where they are, what they love about the person, etc
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - include specific praises)
i love your writing style! all three poems go well together, as you described in your comment. i love your unsettling style and how you present your poetry! 10/10 awesome job!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
(CONTENT & SIGN-OFF)
Im so glad you are here on YWS! I cant wait to read even more of your poetry! keep writing!
Have a lovely weekend!
Sincerely
-Ellie Mae
bows
thanks
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