The Ups and Downs

It’s a never-ending cycle of ups and downs. It’s like a rollercoaster – or is that too cliché? Maybe it’s like the business-cycle that we learn about in economics. Expansion, peak, contraction, trough. Expansion, peak, contraction, trough. Drilled into our minds endlessly until we can recite it in our sleep, until we write it on the steamed walls of the shower door, and until finally we regurgitate it lifelessly onto a paper.

Expansion: On a large scale, this is 6th grade. This is when you feel like you’re climbing to the top, when you think you are at your peak despite the fact that your nose is too large for the rest of your face and your arms are awkwardly long and your braces leave dents on the insides of your cheeks while you sleep.

On a small scale, this is the first time that boy texts you. This is the moment of solemn when you are blinded by the flash of a camera, standing perfectly still, smiling. This is the first bite into an ice cream cookie sandwich. This is the orchestra music before a movie in the theater.

Peak: On a large scale, this is 8th grade. This is when you are the oldest in the school and even though you still look just as bad as you did two years ago, you look at pictures and scoff at your disgusting former-self, and have no idea that you are that same greasy person. This is being friends with your teachers for the first time ever, and realizing that – wow – they are real people.

On a small scale, this is your first date with that boy who texts you. This is when you get a higher grade on a test than the kid who always brags. This is when you tell a joke that you yourself are unsure of, and the entire room erupts in laughter. This is when you finish your homework before 10:00 and a single tear of joy rolls down your cheek. This is when your team wins the gym class handball championship. This is getting into bed on a Sunday night, and realizing that this is your first time sitting down all weekend – in a good way. This is when you’re at a concert and your favorite song plays and all you have left to do is dance.

Contraction: On a large scale, this is sophomore year of high school. This is when you already know the lay of the land (which bathrooms are good and which are creepy, who you should avoid making eye contact with in the hallway, and the exact minute every class ends) but somehow you are still on the bottom of the food chain. This is watching seniors give their attention to selective kids your age, and not being one of them. This is that first time you feel left out and that small glimmer of hope you have left in you that it won’t happen again, or that maybe… just maybe, it was an accident.

Trough: On a large scale, this is the eerie winter months when you spend most of your free time eating ice cream and watching underground documentaries. This is when you wake up every morning and dread getting out of bed because:

1.The air is cold.

2.There is a high likelihood that your car will be covered in ice and snow.

3.You know you will not have enough time to get ready and brush off your car, so you might as well skip it all.

4.You ran out of sweaters to wear, and you are now left with nothing for these next few grueling weeks (or months).

5.Your lips are dryer than the Sahara.

6.Whenever you brush your hair it’s as if you’re in an electric chair from all the static.

7.It’s really hard to press the unlock button on your car key when you have gloves on.

On a small scale, this is when you hold a baby and it cries, reaching aggressively for anyone who isn’t you. This is that odd relationship that you form with a certain side of your couch on weekends. This is demolishing seasons upon seasons of quirky TV shows in a matter of days. This is studying hours for a test that you know you will fail regardless, but having a small ounce of hope that maybe your studying will pay off, and failing it.

This is “the end.” But, see those quotation marks? This is not the end. Because, even though you’re in the lowest of lows, HEY! Look! There, right there. If you squint your right eye and tilt your head just a wee bit… yes. Just like that. That – that is your next expansion. Just keep truckin’.