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E - Everyone

You did not read this.

by suryavegeta12


Are you happy? Should you be happy?

Look into my eyes while I conjugate you,

Let's break your paradigm when you are selfless,

Pristine memories should be degraded.

Are you worried? Should you be worried?

You are weak,

People like you get mentally constipated when they cannot argue,

I'am at the other side smiling at you.

Now you must be angry. But, should you be?

It's called Gaslighting.


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Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:49 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing. I like the second person singular POV you used. Makes the reader feel personally involved. The three sentences that are bolded are indeed good examples of striving to make a person doubt his own sanity or gas lighting. The poem effectively conveys the maliciousness of the person attempting it. Reminds me of the term brainwashing where the person's whole personality undergoes a drastic changer after being subjected to that kind of attack. Good illustration!

Suggestion:


The second, third, sixth, and seventh lines should end in a period.




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Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:08 am
Sheyren wrote a review...



Hey there! Shey here for a review!

Overall, this was a short but fun read. I definitely liked it, although I didn't entirely understand the meaning. This is probably the result of me not being very familiar with the concept of gaslighting, something a quick search mostly corrected.

I think that the previous reviewers seemed to have thoroughly covered most of this piece, it's flaws and, um, what's the word? I'll just say not-flaws. Anyway, yes, very thorough. So, I'll be a bit of a nitpick.

In the third line from the bottom, there's a typo, which you take I and Am, and smush them together. However, while it is a possible contractions, it wasn't entirely done right, and should be I'm. That's assuming you didn't just make a mistake, perhaps you had I'm, then switched back to I am, but forget to do so completely. Either way, it's a typo, and I definitely recommend correcting it.

Another comment I have is formatting. For the most part, this piece has nice formatting. While there are no stanzas, you have emboldened sentences that help divide it. Not to mention, this is a relatively short piece, so the need for more in-depth formatting isn't really there. As is, I would say you did a perfect job with the formatting.

Overall, nice job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!

~Shey~




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Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:59 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi there! I just wanted to leave some thoughts on your piece.

So I think the formatting of bold lines was an interesting choice, and made the piece on the page look a little less like one expects a poem to look. This isn't necessarally a bad thing but did have that effect for me. I think that if you wanted the transitions there to be more subtle, italics might be a better choice.

Now your word choice, was really interesting for this piece straight through you used pointed and verbose language. The only spot that I thought didn't meet with the rest of the poem was "mentally constipated" -- I mean I get what you're saying, but it really has a completely different tone/variety of insult than the rest of the piece in my opinion.

As far as my overall impressions, I interpreted this poem to be a conversation or rather an arguement between two people in which one person is trying to domineer the conversation and as the last line says is "gaslighting" them. Now that's an interesting subject on its own, and has a lot of interesting places it could take in the piece, however what you portrayed didn't really seem like what I understand gaslighting to be. This might be because the dialogue wasn't extended enough, but generally in gas-lighting one person tries to somehow make the person believe that something that is really false is true, or that they did something that they didn't do, or that the person is "crazy". I didn't catch any of these aspects but just the beginnings of trying to plant doubt. I think the poem needs a little bit more progression if you want to really depict a gaslighting situation.

As far as the meaning of the poem, I couldn't take away very much from it; you portrayed a version of gaslighting then said "It's called Gaslighting" -- I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take away from that I guess. It's like describing a flower and then saying "It's called a flower" .... okay? Now what? What am I as the reader supposed to connect with? I think to create more of an emotional impact with your theme or poem you might try to develop the characters in the piece itself (either the speaker, perpetrator, or victim) so that the reader can better understand and connect with their emotions and actions. Or try to draw the plot of the story out a bit more. The way it's written now, there's not a super evident conflict, the piece doesn't move or go anywhere but describes one short one sided conversation.


I think you tackled a really interesting topic with this poem, and I think that topic has a lot of potential. Good luck in your future writing, and please let me know if you have any questions about my review.

~alliyah




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Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:58 am
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TheSilverFox wrote a review...



*waves* Hello!


This is a rather unique subject for a poem to have, and so it interests me. Gaslighting, according to Wikipedia, is the practice of manipulating someone to question themselves and their sanity. However, I agree with jimss that, as blunt and strong as the poem is (which, as explained later, may be its weakness), it doesn't entirely remind me of gaslighting. The first stanza is reminiscent of it, the other person is constantly judging someone, breaking down their motivations, and devaluing their hopes and dreams. As such, the other person shifts from prideful and happy to worried. In the second stanza, the impression I get is more of that of classical abuse, since it's insulting the other person directly rather than destabilizing them indirectly. Angering someone might be the opposite of gaslighting, as, depending on the person, they may more firmly guard themselves and ardently support their own positions. After all, people often interpret mental threats like physical ones - fight or flight. Therefore, the poem doesn't line up with its subject completely.

Now, if I was supposed to be the other person, I wasn't affected by this. The stanzas lack vigor, the lines that separated by commas are distinct enough to be separated by semicolons, and "pristine memories should be degraded" is more impersonal and less combative than the narrator's voice is normally. I'm an anxious person, and it would not take a lot of effort to frustrate me and question my sanity. So, I would suggest incorporating more descriptions, and finding topics general enough that they can strike at most people's anxieties. Since some fears and worries are common, it is likely that all you have to do is think of your own to succeed in gaslighting. It must also be subtle enough that it, like gaslighting, gently nudges and frightens your audience. You could even be meta, and argue that the webpage is a different color than the audience thinks it is, etc. Of course, since I hate the concept of gaslighting vehemently, considering what it can do, I'm not asking that you actually do this. I think it would be better to show what gaslighting could be like and how it works, which you did succeed at doing in describing the emotions of the other person, and stating it by name at the end. However, if you want to do that, you need to show a greater understanding of the concept and a willingness to deconstruct it, and I'm mostly seeing the latter here. Still, it was an interesting poem, and it has a lot of potential. Great job!






I get your point, thanks for a great review!



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Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:38 pm
KiraThePotatoChip wrote a review...



Hey, Kira stopping here for a review! Nice poem, very strange word choices, but it works well for the poem. So, my biggest complaint with the poem; It is very difficult to translate into more common language, and if someones not very familiar with these types of words they will be lost as a kayaker in the Sahara Desert. Yes, that was an analogy I just used. Now that might be the main point of this piece, as Gaslighting is the idea of breaking someone's sanity if I'm not mistaken.

The piece seems aimed at the reader, but the beginning would make it seem like there might be someone else the poem is aimed at. Conjugate is also a word with several different meanings, it applies to math, physics, biology, and just plain simple terms, so that might be worth clearing up. In total, this piece actually speaks a good clear message to me.

Question your happiness, question your memories, do you worry, you are weak, theres no point trying to argue, I am above you, you must be angry, I've broken your mind. Above all, this poem speaks a interesting message, which is very good. Thats all I have to say for now, so until then, seeya!






Thank you for a great review!



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Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:06 pm
jimss23 wrote a review...



Ho Ho Ho, here we go.

I am Jimmy, a green apple.

Like an apple, I can be sweet or be sour.

So let's go.

Gaslighting. An interesting concept to be sure. Emotional manipulation to make one question one's sanity. A very interesting topic for someone to try to tackle in poetry. Although I see where you were trying to go (I think), I think you missed the mark a little bit.

"conjugate" "paradigm"

Are you using these words correctly? I have no idea but they are not used in a way recognized by anyone. Unless that is your point. In which I guess, good job?

"I'am"

I'm.

Now, as to your "suggestions". The danger with trying to Gaslight someone is that they can't just simply deny what you are saying or find it confusing. For example:

"You did not read this"
This review would say otherwise.

"Are you worried? Should you be worried?"
No.

"You are weak"
Dad? Is that you?

"Pristine memories should be degraded."
Why?

"People like you get mentally constipated when they cannot argue,"
Mhmm. Sure I do.

"Now you must be angry."
Nope.

"But, should you be?"
Maybe?

See what I mean? They sound more like insults and you are doing a roast sesh than trying to manipulate my feelings.

Throwing out insults is not manipulation. Trying to put thoughts in people's heads don't really work when you just telling them how to feel.

Now.....that is one way to view your work. If you use second tense words such as "you" it can make your reader, such as I did the first time reading it, think you were trying to gaslight the reader. Now, if you intended it that way, I refer you to the above comments.

But there is another way of looking at it.
The viewpoint that you are speaking from a metaphorical context and are essentially sub-tweeting someone else.

But understand, readers, especially those reading poetry, don't always search for a deeper meaning right off the bat. You have to persuade them, bring them in, and when you have them BOOM ya beat them over the head with those delicious feels.

My advice, cut anything that says "how" the reader should feel. Stretch this poem out a bit. Make the reader think it will reach one conclusion, then whip around and give them another one. Make them think it is about someone else first then slowly bring them about to the realization that you were talking about them, and the emotions that they felt while reading are exactly how you wanted them to feel. Then they walk away going "wow. That was unexpected."

You do that, and you will gaslight the hell out of them,

Cheerio,

An annoying apple.






Learnt a lot from your review. Thank you!




Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus