Why live a dystopia?
When everything is unambiguous
Why does the world render properly?
When my death is waiting for me with a bouquet
Can the hero complete his mission?
With his courage and conviction?
He dreams,She waits
Everyone not him are happy
His mind tries to accustom to the new-found solitude
His eyes wish to hibernate,
But the stares of ingrates block the way
His hands wish to solace his body,
But the bread is demanding
His legs wish to run,
But they emulate the restlessness
Thus went on our hero to his aliased hazard.
He fluctuates,She waits
Everyone not him are happy
He met his match but she is formidable
Paper is swanky, Pen is leaky
Fan is slow, He is about to blow
Thus he reached divinity
He faints,She smiles
Everyone not him are happy
By Surya.K
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Oh my god!
its brilliant
I must say you have done an awesome job
Your poem truly describes our( students) situation just before an exam.
Keep posting such awesome poems!
Hello and welcome to YWS!
Abhipsa here for a review
I must say that you have done a brilliant job. Everything is so well described from the beginning till the end. When I read the description, I had thought it would be something about how one is afraid of the exams. But have made this simple thing so much more enjoyable. I liked the dreaming version the most.
I would like to suggest something though. Don't describe the stanzas beforehand by giving a heading. It feels like one is reading newsletters when one is reading aloud. You can just make a single line about the states and add them to the stanzas. I think that would make it even more entertaining.
Nonetheless, congratulations on your awesome talent and lovely work.
Keep writing and delighting your readers!
Thanks!
Oh my gosh- wow this is epic! I absolutely love how this is written in the different stages displaying a development of thoughts through the examination day ...something I can totally relate to as I've just done all my exams here in England
.
Starting with the first stage - I love your description of the "dystopia" - displaying perhaps that this life is undesirable and there are better alternatives.. it made me think of the fact that we're all expected to live our lives working but actually some people may not desire for that.
Also, the description of the "death waiting with a bouquet" I thought that was stunning yet creepy.. The juxtaposition makes death seem weirdly inviting and I think it's great how you've done that with language.
The second stage, I love how you've said the "eyes wish to hibernate" - that is metaphorically brilliant. I interpreted it as maybe wanting to go back to sleep, in bed which is a place of comfort.. .shutting yourself away from the responsibilities. Or just wanting to close your eyes and become invisible - pretend you can't see it.. Ambiguous yet awesome!
Furthermore - "the bread is so demanding" makes me think of the pressure of earning money and being the "bread winner" for the family. That's so powerfully descriptive too - you have talent!
Finally the last section is so accurate in the negativity and self doubt... almost blaming the pen for how you've done on examination day.
I think that each section clearly demonstrates development.. I have literally no criticisms bravo
Thank you so much!