Our Stimulus...

Hey Suryavegeta12 (Vegeta like DBZ?)

I get the sense that you're really working towards being a poet here. Actually, I confess I saw one of your reviews where you were using Quatrain and it made me curious what your writing was like.

I can't say I'm disappointed.

That being said, you have some grammatical errors that probably are the result of relying on a pre-spacing keyboard somewhere. You need a space after a comma in English. Also, it's not commonplace for a comma to have a capitalized letter after it.

That being said, I liked how well you hid what this poem is really about in the language, it shows a lot of skill being able to write in that sort of dialect and tone. I don't think what you wrote is perfect however, the use of "Thy" and "Thou" shows an informality which isn't mimicked everywhere else in the poem where you use "you" which is a more formal second person pronoun in early modern english. Still, it sounds good. It looks good aside from the comma thing. [and the uncapitalized I in line 2]

Overall, I really like that you have the skill to do this, but why did you do this? I'm sort of left wondering what the point of this poem was after finishing analyzing the language. It's pretty, but what's the point? I mean, it's definitely a poem, it's definitely a challenge, and maybe that is the point, the challenge to the reader to understand and the challenge to the writer to comply with old english, but I think it could be more challenging and beneficial as a writer if you were to do something... closer to home?

I mean instead of a poem about how the night and the mountains and the sun make the speaker feel inferior in early modern english, why not talk about it in your native dialect?

I'm going to keep an eye out for your work in the future to see what you do, but I'd really like to see you flourish in the direction you did "Examination Day" but perhaps in a more first person tone. A lot of great poetry today takes first person and really shows vulnerability and meaning with words like that, and that's what I'd like to see from you.

Tag me when you post something new <3 (just stick an @Aley in a post on your wall and I'll come check out your work.)

Your review is basically Fix your grammar errors with the commas, and not because it's a grammar error, but because it's not how you use commas to communicate what a comma means.

Basically I don't care that you have grammar errors in your poem, I care that this poem is supposed to be standing up to the norms of old english language literature and it's breaking a rule that everyone knows and stands by today, the two don't fit together.

Hi there, suryavegeta12! My name is Scarlett and I'm here to review your poerty today! ^^

I want to apologize in advance for any typos, misspellings or anything else that might pop up. I'm on my phone and it can be notoriously difficult sometimes! So, let's get to it, then. I'll start with any nitpicks, if I can find them.

You're missing a space on line four. I'm fairly sure you just overlooked it when double-checking your poem for typos and whatnot. And again on lines eight, ten and twelve. I can totally understand this mistake if you're not a native English speaker. Be extra carefu when checking for typos and the like. Even I sometimes forget to add spacing. XD

I get the feeling that this is very Shakespeare inspired? Or at least, using old English? Correct me if I'm wrong! It's not bad, though! It actually gives it an interesting feel while reading. I like it. ^^

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be taking away from this poem? It feels very flat and emotionless? I'm not feeling your soul in your writing, for lack of a better term. There's no heart in it. I just feel...empty reading this. Yes, there's a message here but without any heart or soul or emotion, it's just words on a page. Like I said earlier, it's not bad. It's just lacking in, well, a lot of things. Which I totally get if this was an experiment and you weren't sure what you were doing using the old English and stuff. Sometimes my experimental poerty lacks depth.

This has potential, though. May I suggest you ditch the "thou"s and "art"s and "thy"s and try writing this from your heart? Pour some emotion and soul into it. I'll bet it's so much better. Definitely has potential! I hope I've helped even though I feel like I didn't have much to say at all. I would love to see this after you've rewritten it, if you rewrite it! Do let me know if you ever do rewrite, by the way.

Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~ Scarlett.

Hey,
This was really good! Do you often read old poetry because I could very easily see elements of like really old words, structure, and even a theme. The words you use are very powerful which is not something I see in poetry like ever which is funny because that is when you should use powerful words the most.

The only thing I see wrong is I should be capitalized. Other than that is was good. I really don't have much to say because this was short and sweet. Not much to review. So keep writing and keep this style it's hard to find it done well now a days. Have a great day.
-Zee