I live in a land
Full of chaos and bemuse.
Where love, passion and affection,
Have been replaced by hatred, apathy and contempt
Constant strife’s and wars,
Has set the land ablaze.
There’s no hint of remorse or guilt,
Exposing how brutal and callous we can be.
Guns being fired,
People being slaughtered,
The land lies covered in red.
While the air is brimming with misery.
Where is the land that I knew?
The one with days of glory past.
Shadowed with dull, grey, murky skies,
Anticipating for it first glimpse of sunlight.
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This poem is very well written. I like this stanza a lot:
"Constant strife’s and wars,
Has set the land ablaze.
There’s no hint of remorse or guilt,
Exposing how brutal and callous we can be."
It reveals an unfortunately true pattern in our society: lack of empathy for destruction. I appreciate how the end of the poem uses physic landscape. It adds a beautiful visualization of all the people seeing sun for the first time through all the pain, sorrow, and darkness. I am touched by the voice of the poem, looking for the land they once knew. It adds a personal note to the poem.
thanks alot for the review wordsmakemovements
im glad you liked it !
I agree with @Venonymous, the poem was rather predictable and they have been done countless times before. However, I liked it. I thought it was good. Nothing really ground-breaking but I'm not disappointed and I am glad I read it. I like some of the words to use like 'ablaze' and 'bemused'.
The first and end stanzas are where your poem really shines.
You set up what your poem is about and get right into it. Like I said before your word choice is really good in my eyes and it's my favourite parts of your poem.
I like how you started the last stanza with a question. Maybe it is because I study English in college but techniques like this.
All in all a nice poem which I really did enjoy.
Thank you Niraco
im glad you enjoyed it .
You're welcome!
I like the idea of the poem. But I think you can replace/remove a few words to make the poem flow. To be honest, it was a bit boring to read and somehow easily predicted. I think it lacks a bit of emotion and you could give it more emotion by rewriting it a bit.
But the choice of words and idea was good.
Oh, and you could use single spacing using [shift+enter] to make the poem more tidy.
Hope this helps, -Venonymous
thank you venonymous for your review
I'll will keep your points in mind and the necessary changes. Oh and i tried shift enter but it doesnt seem to work, so i had to use this :\