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16+ Language Mature Content

Our Funny Little Group -Xandra

by sugarscherrypop


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Warning: Before reading know that this story briefly mentions: drugs, alcohol, and just teenagers. It contains minor cussing as well. It also talks about two games that refer to kissing and one of those games is played throughout this.

I would really like opinions on this! Thank you :)

The definition of a  teenager should be depressed, drug addict, alcoholic, and fake. Although, that's just my opinion. I'm sitting in a room full of my "friends" as we play stupid games like Spin the Bottle or 7 Minutes in Heaven. Some are throwing up outside. I'm sitting here thinking that they're wimps when I can't even take a swig of a beer and not feel sick to my stomach. Avandra leans over to me, "Xandra, want to play with us?" I force myself to smile and respond with, "Sure! What are we playing?" She giggles in a way that makes me angry "The usual." The fake smile comes back, "Of course! How could I be so dumb?" Oops, a little sarcasm there. Daniel places the bottle in the middle. A beautiful and fantastic thought comes to my mind, If he spins the bottle and lands on me, his girlfriend- the oh-so-beautiful Avandra will watch him kiss me. I'll leave after if it happens. This seems petty but come on, I have my reasons. He looks around and rolls his eyes, "You're mad goofy if you think I'm going to spin first." Rosa grabs the bottle, "Fine, I'll go first." Okay, I know I was talking kissing about Daniel, but it'll be... I don't know to describe it. But, if Rosa kisses me, I'll be ascending. She spins the bottle and lands on Darcy. Rosa frowns but goes along with the rules and kisses her ex. Darcy soaks it in and jealousy ripples through me. Daniel looks over at me. He mouths the words, Good Luck. It's my turn now. I grab the bottle. I have an option, either I can stop now or I can continue. Am I crazy? Of course, I'm going. I spin the bottle. The bottle spins for a bit then finally settles on Daniel. Avandra looks at me, "Xandra you won't actually..." Before she finishes I go over to Daniel and smash my lips onto his. He stays for a moment. I pull away and stand up. Avandra looks like a deer in headlights. I blow a kiss to her, "Bye-bye. Love you guys!" I grab my keys and wallet and finally drive my happy ass home.


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Sun May 28, 2023 4:01 am
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cookiesandcream123 wrote a review...



Hi, sugarscherrypop!

MWAHAHAA, the amount of TEA that was spilled in this story-!!
I had a lot of fun reading this. :D Kinda feels like reading a gossip journal, but I think that enhances the atmosphere of guilty pleasure in this story. Very well-done!

For constructive criticism, all I have is that you can break it up into smaller paragraphs, like a new line for each time a new character's talking, to make it easier to read. And -- Idk if you'll continue this or not -- but if you do, I'd love to see more of the characters and their backgrounds! They were added quickly in a short time, so sometimes I got them mixed up. It seems there are 5 main people in the friend group though -- Xandra, Avandra, Daniel, Rosa, and Darcy? (These are very cool names btw)

All in all, great work! This was short but sweet, and very fun to read. Thankfully I've never been in drama like this irl. Maybe it would be entertaining to watch, though...




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Fri May 26, 2023 7:13 am
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Evidently, Xandra has gone through a lot to arrive at that definition of a teenager. "depressed, drug addict, alcoholic, and fake" She may be describing her friends, but the way she said it may include herself in that definition as well. Let's jump into the story. She addresses the people she's with as "friends" meaning that she doesn't see them as genuine. The games that her friend group are playing are mostly to arouse their senses and fulfill their pleasures. The incessant drinking they partake in also supports my claim. Xandra's actions such as "fake smile" and "sarcasm" show that she is fulfilling her definition of a teenager being fake. On to the spin the bottle game. She entertains thoughts such as kissing the boyfriend of one of the girls there. Obviously, she and Avandra probably have some beef with each other. Or Xandra just wants to spite Avandra. The amount of history you were able to pack in a short story is exceptional. The ending shows two things. Xandra went to the party and wanted to go back home happy, which shows that she can be a tad selfish when it comes to such things. It also shows that she wanted to leave the party and go home. All she needed was a reason to do it. Overall, this short story was well written. Angsty, quirky, and overall a mini emotional rollercoaster. Well done!




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Thu May 25, 2023 5:58 pm
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Terian805 wrote a review...



Hey there! This is pretty lovely. I particularly like how the narrator comes across as a very vivid, clearly painted person. She's got an interesting way of behaving, like she doesn't like wholly everybody that she's with, but is there for the vibes anyway. She seems to kind of drift a bit without caring what others think.

I'm a sucker for quirky dialogue as well, like when a character uses a phrase or expression that you wouldn't hear in most other places, and it tells you something about who they are, and where they're from. I like Daniel saying 'you're mad goofy', and Xandra saying that she'll 'ascend', which is a fun, unusual little adjective.

If you're going to write more of this, like you said to the person below, you could probably have fun with building up the setting a bit more. Maybe think about any parties you've been to, and like what were the little details you noticed about them. In terms of this scene: is there music in the background? What's Xandra been drinking? Is it the summer, so people are hanging about outside in the warm, or the fall maybe? Also, has she got some memories associated with these people? Like how close is she with Ros and Daniel? Do they get on at all?

Personally, these are the types of things I like to know when I'm reading these types of stories. You could maybe keep them in mind as you're writing. Overall though lovely job!!




sugarscherrypop says...


Thank you for the feedback! I definitely agree that I should add more details such as music and drinks. :)



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Thu May 25, 2023 12:35 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The definition of a teenager should be depressed, drug addict, alcoholic, and fake. Although, that's just my opinion. I'm sitting in a room full of my "friends" as we play stupid games like Spin the Bottle or 7 Minutes in Heaven. Some are throwing up outside. I'm sitting here thinking that they're wimps when I can't even take a swig of a beer and not feel sick to my stomach. Avandra leans over to me, "Xandra, want to play with us?" I force myself to smile and respond with, "Sure! What are we playing?" She giggles in a way that makes me angry "The usual." The fake smile comes back, "Of course! How could I be so dumb?" Oops, a little sarcasm there. Daniel places the bottle in the middle. A beautiful and fantastic thought comes to my mind, If he spins the bottle and lands on me, his girlfriend- the oh-so-beautiful Avandra will watch him kiss me. I'll leave after if it happens. This seems petty but come on, I have my reasons. He looks around and rolls his eyes, "You're mad goofy if you think I'm going to spin first." Rosa grabs the bottle, "Fine, I'll go first." Okay, I know I was talking kissing about Daniel, but it'll be... I don't know to describe it. But, if Rosa kisses me, I'll be ascending. She spins the bottle and lands on Darcy. Rosa frowns but goes along with the rules and kisses her ex. Darcy soaks it in and jealousy ripples through me. Daniel looks over at me. He mouths the words, Good Luck. It's my turn now. I grab the bottle. I have an option, either I can stop now or I can continue. Am I crazy? Of course, I'm going. I spin the bottle. The bottle spins for a bit then finally settles on Daniel. Avandra looks at me, "Xandra you won't actually..." Before she finishes I go over to Daniel and smash my lips onto his. He stays for a moment. I pull away and stand up. Avandra looks like a deer in headlights. I blow a kiss to her, "Bye-bye. Love you guys!" I grab my keys and wallet and finally drive my happy ass home.


Well this is quite the little start here. I think you've gone and done a pretty wonderful job there in terms of bringing across this little group of people and showing us just a little snapshot into the kind of lives that they tend to lead. Its definitely a perfect little snippet to work as a short story and while this is on the shorter side I think you manage to do enough with it to make for a pretty interesting little story here.

For starters I love the way we've got this narrator just unabashedly going down hard on teenagers despite being one themselves and potentially showcasing exactly why they fit right in with the crowd despite calling out said crowd. Its a neat little moment I think. The way that you go about detailing this is also really nice. We get a fairly strong sense of each person's personality despite barely meeting them and I think you capture a fairly realistic little conversation there as well. I honestly find myself wanting to know more about these people and learn their stories.

Overall, its not a whole lot going on here, but what happens to be going on, does appear to be going along quite well and I enjoyed reading it quite a bit and honestly I would love to see more from this group.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




sugarscherrypop says...


Thank you for your review! I did plan on writing more but it might come in little snippets because if I do a long chapter I get distracted and it doesn't get done




so many languages have fallen / off of the edge of the world / into the dragon's mouth.
— Lucille Clifton