Young Writers Society

Hello steam.

I have got to agree with artybird, because I am definitively not as majorly disappointed as other reviewers are. You gave us enough closure about the cause of the whole epidemic with the mass killing and germs, etc. And yes, although you do leave us hanging there for a little bit, that's all up to the reader's imagination, isn't it though?

Let's get into this now, shall we?

So you left of the last part with them about to change the child's diaper, kind of with a cliffhanger about what gender it is, and generally made a big deal about this little character, and then you leave us with one sentence in the middle of the chapter. I was thinking that you unnecessarily kind of left us on the edge there, because we wanted to know, and if you would have decided to pick up right where you left off, then maybe you could have started this chapter with the gender and the name of the baby. (btw I think that Turnip is hilarious)

The lights in the tower were off now, the electricity being siphoned away to power a myriad of electronics.

“Can you do that?”

He looked offended by my question.

“I did it last. And you should show more of an interest in your own offspring.”

Did I forget to mention the “maybe” part?

He stopped, caught off guard. “What the… Why the hell would you name a kid Turnip?”

I'M BACK!
Ok, let's review (well I'm the one reviewing but still).
Also, naming the baby "Turnip" was just... wow. I don't know why but it reminds me of something from a movie. I think there was a baby called Turnip, but I'm not sure...

Don’t you remember that laboratory?

His eyes had a habit of going very wide when he was excited

It was like some kind of superorganism. Something that lurked below ground, but a team of scientists brought it out into the light. It took over everything.

But to let this guy slip through my fingers? No chance.

If we stop the helicopters, what then? Everybody’s dead.

What could I say? It was bizarre to think that twenty-four hours ago, things had been normal. Everything had changed now. Now things would never be the same again.

After a few heated arguments we stood outside the lighthouse in the morning air, fighting over who was going to carry the newly named Turnip and who was going to carry the rest of the equipment, and knew that maybe, just maybe, we were going to make a difference.

AHAHA TURNIP I love you so much right now steam.

There is literally - almost literally - nothing wrong with this. I don't know what to say. I love the surprisingly comical end, and I love the character's dialogue - they're both so likeable!

I didn't actually realise Kastyn wasn't a dude until the last chapter when Drak woke up again, so I'd suggest making that a little clearer earlier on. (I just realised that Kastyn calls herself Turnip's mother when she's talking to her, but when I read it I just thought "ah, the dude's trying to comfort the poor thing".)

“Not everybody, Kastyn. I’m not dead. You’re not dead. The kiddo here isn’t dead. Which reminds me, she needs to have a name.”

Hey, steams. Weird stuff happens in dreams. One time I had to fight a gladiator orc who had a lightsaber, and I had to do it with an ordinary steel sword.

If one looked at this without reading the title or knowing that it's a dream, they would surely find themselves weirded out, potentially disliking it as a story. But, once one realizes the true nature of this piece, they start to piece things together, for this certainly has the format of a dream.

From a bank full of strangers, to a ravaged empty city, to a tower/falloutshelter, to waking up just where things get interesting. You should use this story as a prologue and write an epic saga about ancient aliens and post-apocalyptic survival, or just base an epic story on this short. I see that some people don't particularly like your ending, but if you ask me, it's about being on the journey and having fun while you're at it.

The dialogue in the final part was funny, practically made up the entire part. I know that this turned out like a review of the whole story, but there really isn't much I could say about this without repeating myself from previous reviews. Your writing has been great, excellent, really, once you consider that you wrote this in a short time straight after waking up.

So, if dreams are what get you to write, I hope you have some sweet ones soon! And I hope that my reviews have been helpful and encouraging to you. Keep up the great work.

I do have to say, this was a little bit of a let down. I realize that it could possibly be that it's a dream, so you would wake up right now, but really? No one would know if you gave us closure and it wasn't part of it. I'm not trying to be mean, but can I expect a sequel to this story that provides a little more closure as to what happens to these two? Because I at least want to know if these two decide to become husband and wife and repopulate the earth or something. Otherwise, the story is very well written. I look forward to other of your works.

Hello, I’m back again!
Unlike @Lau2001, I’m not majorly disappointed. I mean, you have given us some sort of closure about what caused the apocalypse to happen, and that’s more than enough for a short story like this one. Of course, if it’s possible, please do consider expanding on it. We’d all appreciate a dramatic climax leading to a heroic ending. This one leaves us with endless possibilities; it’s sort of like a cliff-hanger, which I particularly like. Do they defeat them together? Do they survive? What happens to Turnip (hilarious name, by the way. )? You have an original concept here. It’s the first time I’ve read about a super organism causing the apocalypse. I, especially, found it funny that they are heading out to stop the mass destruction, yet they are most concerned about the baby’s name. Their argument at the end made my day. :’) Jeez, I’ve grown to love these characters together. I hope they are given a chance to fully live through their journeys. There’s just the last sentence I’m a tad bit confused about. What do you mean by it? Except that, excellent job! Well done, and keep writing.

This is Mean. You make ALLL of us super excited about this dystopian world, where we have a saucepan, and baby Turnips, and Kastyn...And, then woosh, the end?! No! I will not accept this. You cannot take us threw all of that and than finish it without an explanation! How dare you! You should be banned! Meany! Making us love and be involved with an awesome story to then finish it without having a way to wrap everything up! Ugh.

*Cries in a corner pondering over saucepans*