Hello steam. Here I am to review part 4 of your series. I'm so sorry again, that I'm being kind of late, but I was busy with other requested reviews this point. This is probably going to be a shorter review since this looks like it's a shorter chapter, but that's ok with me.
Anyways, let's begin, shall we?
I honestly just fill like this is a filler chapter, the reason being is that it seems like you focus the whole thing on the baby and the introduction of names, etc. when I am sure that they are more urgent things to do. If you ever decide to go back and review this plot-line, I would honestly suggest that you could maybe focus on the more important action or something that is going on around them, if you see what I mean.
I do like, however, how Kastyn seems to have grown up a little bit and developed more as a character, which is expected because now she has to take care of another person-the baby- and not just herself. That decision is some instantaneous growing up. So despite her obvious poor maternal instincts, which are probably little to none, at least she is a better more grown up person because of the baby.
“Do you attack everyone you meet?”
This was probably my favorite line out of this whole section, the reason being that it kind of got a smile out of me. Because in truth, I do imagine Kastyn attacking everyone that she meets, it's kind of encoded/embedded in her survival instincts of her.
Now, let's get onto some things that we can work more on:
I think one way that you could definitely include some more emotion here, is if you actually would consider how Kastyn feels, after two minutes, when she finds out that Drak is actually alive and dead-probably relief from the shame that she would have felt if she truly did kill him. I feel like you just skipped over that whole needed reactions to that irony and analogy of Rapunzel, but it would be great if you could get-even something as short as one sentence into that first paragraph.
“Why the…” “Did you just attack me?”
I was pretty confused here, because I don't really understand what he meant by the first phrase. I know that he probably feels very disoriented, but I still think that you should writ e Why did so that he could finish his line of though, with an interruption as quick as a breath or something.
Well, at least he hadn’t made fun of my unusual name. “What’s that short for then? Drake? Draco? Dracula?”
“Something unpronounceable.”
This whole dialogue is kind of useless, because to me it really seems like there is absolutely no point in discussing the origin of his name(and there is no definite answer here). After all, Kastyn herself admits that although she does has a very unusual name, she is glad that he didn't really care about it that much. Why would she care about his name now? Plus, as a side note, I kind of feels like it's a waste of time figuring out these nicknames a little bit, if you see what I mean.
“Drak, I’ve got more important things to do with my time than inspect a baby’s genitalia.”
Although the reader is curious about the gender, then again what does it even matter to the story whether the baby i a boy or a girl? Kastyn is right here that there are way more important things to do, and I agree with her. My question is, why does she even bother defending herself and filling it in for Drak? I mean, she could have just ignored him, or not responded unnecessarily. Again, I feel like they should be concentrating on the thing that matters most: their survival and protection. And that the main thing that I'm having trouble with in this chapter steam. I think that you could/should reflect this in a better way, because this isn't a small-talk lounging around time.
“Well,” mumbled Drak, who had turned faintly green, “I think we’re soon going to find out.”
That last sentence, doesn't really do it for me at all. It's not a cliffhanger, it's probably falls as more of a cliche, in my opinion personally. Also the wording it really awkward here, and so I would swap two words out and make it sound like this:
Pretzel wrote: I think we're going to find out soon.
Keep in mind though, that this is purely a structure preference, so have your pick.
Other than that, this was an enjoyment to read, because I always like to read your amazing writing style. I can't wait to see what happens in the next part, I will definitely come back to this and finish off my last review. I hope that this review helps you improve your writing, and if you have any questions, then you know where to find me at.
~P.S.
Points: 37216
Reviews: 346
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