Heya steamy, here I am back with another review for the next part of your sequence. There's not really a lot to say, because the piece is pretty short, but I will definitively try my best. Anyways, let's begin, shall we?
I love the random appearances and places, but I was wondering what type of connection do all of these have to the main character? Or her survival goals or whatever? Why is she wandering over the outskirts and stumbles across some random lighthouse where she can hit a person with a saucepan, you know?? Maybe if you could actually explain a little bit more behind the scenes of what's going on in her thought process, then that would be great.
Helicopter bladesand, lots of them, coming towards us at speed.
This first sentence kind of felt like a sore thumb, because the "and" in it kind of threw me off. I think that it flows better without it, try it both way and see which one works best for you!
Or was it safe to assume that nowhere was still intact?
This sentence seems like a red light to carelessness to me at least. Umm, why is Kastyn thinking that it's safe outside, or that there isn't anywhere to go or to be. That noone is really still living. I believe that this is just jumping to conclusions, something that you don't necessarily need in a survivor.
The door was locked. I ought to have guessed, really.
How could she have guessed anyways? How did she know about this locked door. Who knows, maybe before this attack happened, then the person didn't lock the door? I was just as confused about this quote as Kastyn probably was about the door being locked. ><
Cables trailed across the floor, with such blatant disregard for health-and-safety legislation
This seems like a very trivial thing here. My question is why would she even care about rules and regulations right now, when the whole world seems desolate and upside-down, if you could see what I mean. I probably wouldn't include this in the part, because it really does have no relevance. I do agree with the next part of your sentence, that this is probably going to be pretty recently made since none of the wires/cables are even properly hidden/secured.
I think that killing that guy was a very rash decision, but I am surprised that Kastyn actually came to that conclusion, because most survivors or heroes wouldn't do that. You don't really give much details about it and why Kastyn does it. Although, it really does make her seem like more of a stronger survivor than every before.
The baby, I still don't really understand why Kastyn can't take of it that properly. I mean, she is kind of taking care of him, but then again at the same time, I just feel he is a bit of a bother to her. Probably a lot of bother to her throughout this journey. I mean, I like to observe him, but as the author, you really have to ask yourself the question: "Why is he here and what is he contributing to the story-line?"
The apocalypse had only happened a few hours ago, and I’d already killed someone.
I love love love that line. Even though it's not really a cliffhanger, I feel like it's already laced with guilt and an omen on what was yet to know.
That's all I have. Can't wait to get through to the next part!
~Pretzel.
Points: 37216
Reviews: 346
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