The ground was wet underneath my knees as I collapsed. The soil stained my jeans and smelled of the fresh rain that had fallen the previous morning. I let my gloved hands fall to the earth, stroke it. The last fading rays of gold sunlight filtered through the sky as the sun sank behind the horizon. Soft green tips of grass were beginning to poke through the ground, soon to be an expansive field. My lungs labored and puffed while my heart pounded in my ears. The windchill blurred my vision.
I stayed on my knees, hands shaking in the soil. I grasped it firmly. It was cold. Wet. The clay clung to my fingers, smooth. I held to each of those simple facts tightly.
This was real.
Behind me, the Sanctuary’s lights began to flicker on. The white glow fell on my back, bringing me into plain sight. They would see me. They just had to look out of a window.
They would find me.
I couldn’t breathe. Running was useless. How stupid was I, to think they would spare me?
I was not innocent.
My shoulders drooped under an unseen pressure as I stood. Slowly, I reached my feet. Loose clumps of dirt fell from my hands and knees. The sheer terror of my fate was my only motivation. Each step I took, each breath I heaved, it had nothing to do with my will to live. What awaited me was far worse than death.
I staggered through the field, toward the forest on the other side. My pistol pressed against my side in my waistband. It seemed to burn through my skin.
I reached the trees, footsteps already prominent behind me. Shouts and broken flashlight beams filtered through the branches around me. I almost puked, my stomach already filled with something sour. I felt nothing as I turned around, holding the pistol tightly in my hand.
Dark silhouettes lined the edge of the forest, a bright floodlight set up somewhere behind them. The shine of their own guns was plainly obvious as a select few made their way closer. I knew they wouldn’t kill me. They were against killing. The guns would only sedate me.
A figure in the middle slowly came into better view. Face stern, silver eyes bright, Detective Heron watched me. Her hair half undone and matted to her face, she looked like she’d taken a stroll through Hell. Her hand was already positioned over her gun. It seemed there would be no time to negotiate.
No. I pressed the barrel of my gun to my temple, hand shaking. No. “You won’t take me alive,” I hissed.
Heron’s mouth twitched. Maybe it was a smile.
A flash of light and something was embedded in my arm.
I faded into darkness.
*****
A bright light. A cold sweat prickled across my forehead.
My conscious came back with the numb chill spreading through my body. My eyes and mouth felt dry, like I'd left them open for days. I squinted into the light set up in front of me, and found that my wrists were chained to the back of my chair.
“Clara Elizabeth Adams, former doctor at the Sanctuary…” The voice trailed off, letting the words hang in the air. “You know why you’re here.”
Yes, yes I did. I couldn’t breathe. We all knew what was going to happen to me. “I…” My voice broke. I coughed. “I was your source. I gave you the Sanctuary’s location.”
Silence. The air was too thick to breathe.
“Please,” I cried. “Please, have mercy.”
“This is a mercy, Clara Adams.”
My hands were released from my chair and hastily placed on the arm rests. In response, steel bars held them in place.
A faceless doctor rolled up my shirtsleeves, inserting various IVs. One in my wrist, another in my arm. My eyelids felt too heavy. I struggled to keep them open. My heart pounded out of my chest.
The world around me began to soften and dull, muffled by the cushion of whatever drugs they were giving me.
“Now, remember, Doctor Adams,” someone said. “Everything you will be told is a lie. Everything you will think you know, is a lie. Remember that, Doctor Adams.”
I closed my eyes.
When I opened them again, I was somewhere else. The air was crisp, the walls white. The scent of chemicals stained the air. Soft, gloved hands prodded at my bare arm. Someone whispered reassurances as they readied a medical needle.
I recognized that voice. I knew that voice.
I'd worked in Human Trials. The death toll had been highest there.
“It will only hurt a little. You’ll be okay, I promise.”
I glanced up. The doctor… she was me.
The needle was carefully inserted into my arm. It wasn’t the first time. I knew that much. Like so many others, my arms were covered in the telltale veins, blue and purple, raised and blemished. I cringed. Fire filled my arm.
The doctor- me- smiled.
Every single one of my victims. I had to live through every single one of their tortures, their pains.
It was time to pay for my crimes.
Nothing you will see is real….
I closed my eyes.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hello
So first off I want to just say...Wow, didn't see it coming!
When I read the title of the book, I imagined the story would speak about some cruel prisoner who couldn't help but commit more crimes.
Then I started reading and instantly felt confused.
The main character didn't turn out to be an obsessed crime loving prisoner, instead it was a scared and helpless character whom I felt deeply sorry for.
I literally held my breath at times, my heart pounded as my reading progressed and when she got caught, I felt her helplessness as well as her fears. This story really put me in the character's shoes!
And the unexpected ending, what a surprise...no way! Who wouldn't thought she'd turn out to be the one responsible for her own horrific fate?
Although I didn't understand how she could've been tortured by herself, was it a way of showing that her own consciousness was punishing her, or is all this simply in her head since none of it is real? I don't know.
But I honestly enjoyed it, I enjoyed how the beginning of the story had such a poetic rhythm.
I truly hope to read another one of your short stories again, Prison of Crimes was so entertaining.
Great job.
Hello
So first off I want to just say...Wow, didn't see it coming!
When I read the title of the book, I imagined the story would speak about some cruel prisoner who couldn't help but commit more crimes.
Then I started reading and instantly felt confused.
The main character didn't turn out to be an obsessed crime loving prisoner, instead it was a scared and helpless character whom I felt deeply sorry for.
I literally held my breath at times, my heart pounded as my reading progressed and when she got caught, I felt her helplessness as well as her fears. This story really put me in the character's shoes!
And the unexpected ending, what a surprise...no way! Who wouldn't thought she'd turn out to be the one responsible for her own horrific fate?
Although I didn't understand how she could've been tortured by herself, was it a way of showing that her own consciousness was punishing her, or is all this simply in her head since none of it is real? I don't know.
But I honestly enjoyed it, I enjoyed how the beginning of the story had such a poetic rhythm.
I truly hope to read another one of your short stories again, Prison of Crimes was so entertaining.
Great job.
Honestly, all I can say about this is I loved it a lot. The feeling of guilt was very well written without being too blatant. The beginning descriptions felt very vivid to me, which was good. The way you slowly and simply revealed the events of what had happened without being too obvious, without too much forced exposition, through the dialogue of what the protagonist says, and what she thinks, is GREAT. It's always hard to convey past events in a natural and unforced way, and you did amazingly well here. The ending was great, and was also sort of... ambiguous. It's possible that after experiencing the horrible things she did to everyone, she'd be let go and the torture would end. It's sort of grey, not too hopeful, not too horrible. The line
“Now, remember, Doctor Adams,” someone said. “Everything you will be told is a lie. Everything you will think you know, is a lie. Remember that, Doctor Adams.”
Was really nice and simple, and neatly said that what she's going to experience isn't Hell or whatever, it's just punishment, and the people there aren't necessarily evil.
Ha, I started this out saying all I had to say was that I liked it, and now look how long this is. I'm good at saying nothing with a lot of words, aren't I? Basically, I liked it, tried to outline a bit of why I liked it, it's great work! I enjoyed reading it a lot.
Hi!
This was very interesting! It kept me constantly on my toes. Your descriprions were very good and made me feel for the character as the story progressed.
Few of the sentences could be cut down to make it more compact, for eg.
"The soil stained my jeans and smelled of the fresh rain that had fallen the previous morning."
Cut out the "That had fallen the previous morning."
But this barely matters, what matters is the idea itself, and I loved that.
The pace in which you build up the story is perfect, giving bits of information and allowing the reader to slowly put it together, sympathising with Adam at first and then realising what it was all about.
The twist at the end was also amazing.
Excellent work!
Have a good day/night!
Hello Star!
This is a very nice short story you have here!
I hope to review it!
The way you started it was very lovely.
It expressed a lot of emotion and it was honestly very dramatic.
Love It!
You did very well when explaining it in every which detail.
Not to much but just right.
There was a few errors i did ketch up on though so i just want to point some of them out
'I pressed the barrel of my gun to my temple, (handshaking). One word
'My eyes and mouth felt dry( )like I'd left them open for days. No need for a coma
' I squinted into the light set up in front of me( )and found that my wrists were chained to the back of my chair. No coma
'“Clara Elizabeth Adams, (a) former doctor at the Sanctuary…” Missing article
'My hands were released from my chair and hastily placed on the (armrests).
' “Everything you will be told is a lie. Everything you will think you know( )is a lie. No coma
There is a few over used words so watch out for that.
Either than that its good.
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely Anma
Hello Star!
This is a very nice short story you have here!
I hope to review it!
The way you started it was very lovely.
It expressed a lot of emotion and it was honestly very dramatic.
Love It!
You did very well when explaining it in every which detail.
Not to much but just right.
There was a few errors i did ketch up on though so i just want to point some of them out
'I pressed the barrel of my gun to my temple, (handshaking). One word
'My eyes and mouth felt dry( )like I'd left them open for days. No need for a coma
' I squinted into the light set up in front of me( )and found that my wrists were chained to the back of my chair. No coma
'“Clara Elizabeth Adams, (a) former doctor at the Sanctuary…” Missing article
'My hands were released from my chair and hastily placed on the (armrests).
' “Everything you will be told is a lie. Everything you will think you know( )is a lie. No coma
There is a few over used words so watch out for that.
Either than that its good.
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely Anma
This is a very well written story. It sets up Adams' feelings of fear and desperation very well in the first paragraph. I especially like the line 'The clay clung to to my fingers, smooth. I held onto each of these facts tightly.' It gives a great indicator as to how she's grasping onto anything for comfort.
The way you establish Adams' crimes is very clever, tricking the reader into sympathising with her before slowly springing the realisation that she committed, presumably, horrific experiments for the sanctuary.
I also like how the story gives just enough information that a reader will understand what is happening in the story, while not overwhelming them with too many unnecessary details. This is good pacing as it stops the story from becoming bogged down and boring.
There were a lot of great descriptions that accentuated the effect of the story. The part describing veins in the victim's/Adams' arm communicated the pain and discomfort she was in. Other parts, like when she was clutching the wet dirt made me almost feel like I could feel it too.
The only part I can really fault is when Adams says "I was your source, I gave you the sanctuary's location." The story is very unclear as to why she would give away the sanctuary. and doesn't really explain it. I like ambiguity, but it comes off as a little too vague and confusing.
Overall, this is an excellent short story. It's well written, tells an full and satisfying story in a short time, has a clever twist ending, and the only problem I could find with it is very minor.
Thank you! That means a lot!
WOAH.
There's a twist I didn't expect.
Very creative how you tied that all up. You did really well in expressing the fear the main character felt through the whole event. I was legitimately afraid the entire time.
I also loved how, right away in the beginning, you were alluding to the fact that "everything was real" which directly complements the ending where "everything is a lie". It's very cleverly done.
Now I have been working all day, so my brain could be a little fried. But I am left a little confused as to what exactly she did to deserve this punishment. The only thing I had to go off of was that she was "the source" and gave the Sanctuary's location. I don't really know how all that leads to this. Or at the very least, I don't know enough to really agree one way or the other. It just looks very unfortunate and I feel absolutely sorry for her. Hopefully that's the right reaction!
Very twisty though how the doctor ends up being her. I wonder how that's a thing. I thought maybe she (in the chair) was actually embodying one of her victims, so she was actively reliving her victims' tortures and pains. But then they recognized her by name. So she must look like herself. Maybe that's the case though, and she's reliving the victims' events as herself. But it seems to break some sort of wall with the detective (?) addressed her by name.
I could tell you're going for a twist that makes this some sort of recursive story, and I absolutely love that direction. Just a little more clarification here and there, and this could really hit home for the reader.
Well done, and keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Wow, this review is totally making my day! Thank you so much for everything you said. It seemed a little bit confusing to me as well... I just despise rewriting stories haha. The prose is essentially a genetic scientist (a quite grotesque one) who has a change of heart but gets captured by the merciless government anyway. You were correct in assuming she is living out her victims' deaths, one by one.